How do I make sure that I will never end up on the street after finally getting a job and moving into an apartment?

  • Recent events have shown that life can suddenly change. When the Pandemic broke, many living from paycheck-to-paycheck learned painfully how difficult it is to survive. One cannot count on Government assistance.

At anytime, everyone should have a Comfort Bump. This is 3–4 months of your total household expenses, including rent, food, car, gas, insurance, cloathing and incidentals.

It is so import to learn early on good Money Management skills.

Budget…budget…budget.
Live within your means.
You must always save no matter how little you make.
Know the difference between want and need.
Being frugal doesn’t mean stingy. It is setting priorities, without sacrificing necessities.
Shopping is not a hobby. It is paying for things you need, by buying at an optimum price without compromising quality.
Don’t buy things only because they are on sale. Remind yourself that the money always looks better in your wallet than in their cash register.
There will always be another Sale.
Buy things you need off season. The stores rather sell you at 75%+ off than store them in a warehouse.
Use Credit Card only if you can pay the balance due in full.
Don’t incur unnecessary debts.
Shop for phone, TV and Internet deals. Keep these expenses to a minimum.
You don’t every year need the latest iPhone.
Save up for vacations and your next vehicle.
Most big ticket items depreciate almost immediately.
Furnish your apartment from Estate Sale finds.
Think of modular furniture like the way Europeans live. Buy things which double up other functions. For instance, get a sofa that opens up into a bed; use your kitchen table as the desk.
Pack lunch, carpool, carry snacks and coffee. You will be surprised how much all this adds up to.
Once you have your Comfort Bump, treat yourself to something nice. Something you always wanted… of substance and lasting value.

  • You want to predict your future…instead of that why not plan it now…have you considered a micro business to develop your idea that you been thinking about way to long?

Put 8% of your pay check into a savings not to be touched, tell yourself your spent it already…the first thousand is the hardest to get , after that it seems easy to grow. Anything that says pay me is a luxury…refrain from all fast foods and coffee places…bag a lunch and bring a thermos. I stick to a rule…if you can’t eat it you don’t buy it…I also asked myself what do you want the most, Cable TV, phone or the internet…I chose the internet…I save a tidy bundle every month that way…No more credit cards…stop and pay them off completely…why are you giving those billionaires your money they call interest, service fees, join fees, banking fees…do you even realize how much of your money is wasted every year giving it to the man…

To train yourself…first month live as you usually do…with one exception, you get coffee receipts..gas receipts, bus fares, taxi…even groceries..you spend it, get a receipt…at the end of the month…tally them all up…then sort them out…now you know where all your money is going to live the life style your accustomed to…take 8 % of your total…now lose the same in expenses…not so bad…the following month, do it again…get rid of the wastes…you adjust to everything and since your taking little steps…its not an impact on your well being…like stopping it all at once…that’s a shocker if you do, yet you won’t regret it. Once one credit card is paid off…now that interest is your pocket money…and all those fees paying every month…and only then will you feel like you taken back control…imagine when your get rid of them all. Always reward yourself a little something special…like 20 bucks to go live high on the hog…for paying off a debt completely.

You keep your first 8% in the spent money pile…the next 8% you pay down your credit card…talk to me at the end of the year…I’ll be talking to someone who has confidence in making the right choices.

There are no guarantees in life as much as we all wish there was…good luck.

I am 28, jobless, living at home. I have severe depression and don’t know what career path to take. I have a BA degree and I am afraid to apply for jobs. I feel useless. Am I too late? What can I do?

  • There’s a lot to unpack here.
  1. No, it’s never too late to start something new, whether it’s a career or a hobby, or whatever. There are plenty of examples of people who found their calling later in life – and much older than 28, by the way.
  2. I don’t know you, obviously, but I think the likelihood of you actually being useless are close to zero. All it might mean is that you’ve not found your sweet spot yet. (I was in my 35s before I started to work out what mattered and what I wanted to do.)
  3. Applying for jobs can be scary and anxiety-inducing, but the sad fact of life is that rejection comes with the territory, both in terms of job applications and relationships. All I can say is that you may be afraid of something that may never happen, or, at least, may not be as bad as you imagine, and that each time you apply for a job, you will get better. You could also look at rejection as a sign that maybe the job wasn’t really the right one for you.

What I would suggest you do is:

*. Try to spend time working out who you really are, and by this, I mean what is it that truly matters to you, what principles do you wish to live your life by, what values are important? This article might help you in this process. Once you have established this, and it may take a while, you’ll be better placed to focus your attention on jobs that fit the real you. Also, bear in mind that you may well decide you should look for a job that has nothing to do with your BA degree.

*. You also need to tackle your depression. It’s possible the lack of a job and living at home have triggered your depression, or maybe your depression is what’s causing you problems getting a job. Either way, if it’s a vicious cycle, you need to break it somehow. All I can do is list some of the things that worked for me when I was severely depressed, which includes: getting more sleep and taking napes; eating more healthily (e.g. no fried foods, no alcohol); listening to relaxing music; talking to a few close, trustworthy friends; exercise – well, a 25-minute walk each morning.

  • You are not too late for anything.

Develop some thought processes that will convince yourself you are going to be incredible. While I am not sure what brought your severe depression on, realize this, prior to the depression you had anxiety. That anxiety was real and later became part of your mind traffic. Your mind traffic (contemplating thoughts) repeated over and over again that something was wrong in your life.

Use some simple reframing techniques. go from, “I cannot afford this” to “how can I afford this?” Keep at this, “My parents are bringing me down” to “how do I convince my parents their influence is meaningful and need to be encouraging?” another, “I cannot get a job.” to “How do I move forward with an occupation?”

If you are having fears of rejection, or fear of stumbling on an interview, cover this with your counselor., What do you deserve? Do you deserve a healthy interview and a good process? How do you get there?

You didn’t say what your degree is in. If you are an actor you know getting hired will be tough. If you want to drive truck and your driving record is clean, you will probably be hired quickly.

You have a degree something most people never achieve. It was tough work and you did a great job. Your depression may simply be the reality that the degree isnt as valueable in the marketplace as you had hoped. I certainly believed my degree was worth more when I got it. I think most new graduated do feel this way. Truth is you are a bit of a liablity to new employer. So they may hesisitate.

Not that it was perfect or the easiest decision ever, but when I got severe depresssion I started driving transit bus part time. For me it was wonderful I always met new people, I am a safe and courteous driver so my employer never had issues with my performance and it forced me to manage my time. I stayed in counseling and odd things did happen.

For instance I had a panic attack. I did not know what it was and when calling the doctor, they thought it could be a heart attack. I had to go to the clinic and missed my driving shift. The panic attack was all the found.

Another time I had to switch medicines. the first medicine they tried was a mental disaster and I was in no condition to drive passengers. The doctor called my employer and everything went OK. they kept me driving.

I drove bus for five years.

My suggestion is you get a job. Take something part time that you will do Okay with and will succeed at. Make sure it is a job that when you leave, you go home and the job stays at the place of business. When you get home start working on yourself and your career.

You will not be the first person to show up a family Christmas Party with a 4 year degree working part time and buring shoe leather to get a new job. In fact, it is quite normal.

There are some real advantages to this. First and foremost you will be able to restore your mental health. Later in life you will have habits you formed now that most likely will outperform others. Oh, when you go through Severe Depression, when you are healthy you actually have become much smarter! You will understand emotional health as few other do and you will use this to your advantage.

While you may plunge into a strong era of working your ass off.. don’t forget to take care of your mental self and to relax a bit.

  • Depression is a black cloak

First of all, are you getting help for your mental health? This has to be your starting point. Depression is a black cloak, like a weighted blanket, and will hold you down until you find the thing that helps you. I speak from experience here! Once you have found the path to take control back you can move forward with career plans. But bear in mind, a massive part of improving your mental health will be finding work. It is well documented that work benefits mental health significantly!

For now I would highly recommend volunteer roles. This gives you purpose, a reason to get out of bed, get washed and dressed, and leave the house. You’ll be helping others and this is also a huge salve for depression, it is impossible to feel as weighed down when you’re doing good for others.

Once you have made some good progress with your mental health you can think about careers. I’m not familiar enough with art degrees as to what you could do with one but if you’re thinking of a career change then this is your chance! You are still so young, the world is your oyster. There’s no reason why you couldn’t pursue another degree! If there’s any arena you’re interested in, go for it! If there’s an area related to your degree then go for that! Contact people who already do the job you want and ask them what you need to do to get there. Advice, support and making contacts will help. All of this is easy to type though, I get that.

Right now your depression is in charge. It is making you feel hopeless and probably worthless as well. Reclaim the control in your life. You are capable. You are worth it. You deserve it.

  • Depression at 28

Don’t try to swallow the elephant whole. Take small steps. Apply for a job, any job. Stock boy, burger flipper, anything to get you out of the house and doing something constructive that pays. This stops you from digging any deeper into a financial hole.

Sit down, and write out a list of things you enjoy doing. Now start doing some research. Are there any jobs where you can do what you enjoy? What are the qualifications for those jobs? What qualifications are you lacking to get that job?

Make a plan to get those qualifications. Does the local community college offer night classes, or distance learning? Are there any local interest groups, or communities of practice that have public meetups where you can get to know local people that work in the field you’re interested in? Public meetups often have presentations by practicing professionals that can help newcomers learn the skills they need to enter the industry. Plus the participants can often help you more accurately assess where your gaps are. Once you know what you don’t know, you can enroll in classes, or maybe apply for an internship (maybe with someone you met at a meetup) to fill those gaps.

Attending meetups has another advantage: networking. Meeting people who are already in the field can be a great way to get on the radar at companies looking to hire. A prospective employee that the interviewer knows because they both attend meetups a couple times a month has a much better chance of getting hired than a total stranger.

To summarize:

Get busy. Improve your skills. Meet new people doing things that interest you.

Assume somebody suddenly leaves your life (personally or professionally) and it is clear that it was because of something you did or didn’t do. Do you ask for feedback? Why are people often reluctant to give feedback even when it is solicited?

  • I would just let the relationship go. I do not ask for feedback. In my personal and romantic relationships, I’m in it to win it, but once we part ways, there is no reconciliation. No on-again, off-again relationships for me. If someone needs or wants some clarification from me, it has to be done before parting ways which means you are interested in resolving the issue. If either of us walks away, that means neither of us was interested in resolving the issues
  • I think when someone leaves for whatever the reason, it will be because they’ve found better to do or interested in other people. At personal level, if someone is leaving, probably there is a problem in shared interest, boredom, closing a chapter for something better. At professional level if someone’s leaving probably may feel better and not needing your help or not interested to keep such professional relationship because not so useful after all. Do you really need of a feedback from them? I don’t ask feedback, I let people decide from themselves, if they don’t like, you cannot force or saying your point of view, nothing would change I suppose, so let them do it, it’s not your choice after all. Maybe one day they will regret? Who knows? Let them live their life, we don’t need to have all the answers isn’t?
  • There are raw feelings/emotions definitely activated by the question. It doesn’t cost you much of anything to ask, but a great deal for them to answer. This takes it out of the realm of linear rationality to some meaningful degree. You can compassionately, gently indicate you’re open to learning more, should they feel so inclined – & leave it at that. Be prepared however for what they then unleash in your direction. The onus is on you as the less injured party asking them to share their pain, for you to be quite literally endlessly patient while they do so. Also not to be argumentative about it and/or re-offend (in their eyes – which can be difficult indeed). Most ideally, you want this to happen with a neutral third party present to act as a mediator, perhaps a therapist conversant in these dynamics. In any event these are the elements needing to be dealt with.
  • I believe people don’t give feedback because they lack the skills to communicate or relate well with others. At times it may be that they haven’t worked through their upset and are still in a very negative place, and not able to deal with it at the time. But people relate differently and in my many years of experience communicating in business, I have found that many lack good people skills and do not communicate well. Unless people grow up in a family where there is good, healthy communication, most often they never learn to relate in mature ways.
  • It’s completely fine to ask what you did or didn’t do if you aren’t aware of it. If they wont tell you, you should not care nor be bothered at all.
  • Yes. I have been known to say and do wicked dumb things. I would immediately call, apologize, and say I never want anything to come between us. Mostly it worked, and I tried harder not to be a stupid head in future.
  • No because I always knew what I did and I understood why they left. I didn’t need to ask for feedback I have only asked for a chance to apologize for my mistakes

The words of love will continue, what are its actions?

Here and there, as the night shifts the floral seen colors to be exhumed in the write of each other’s heart, the breath stops to consume me in the pastel stream up and over the horizon as to weigh my heart’s wish. Over to sea Upon the sill tears fall in once upon to again. Do you see the hand outstretched to hold the moment where gave was forever? The shadow pure cast as the dance turned embrace to merry as around the whimsical twirl to see seamed one upon the other for an other day warm. Did you hear your still open as your heart spoke? As one we turned to free, but the call open we buried and wherever in gone is now lost in the heart that is yours. In this love is it the mountain that must fall into the sea? In what was given as swallowed to be, the hearts took to each other tight. It is that love that will open to reveal in the right time the where of who you hold as in the love never dies. Oh still of forever to stay, silence be undone, the love is still night to day my breath. Softly I fell to wait the time where it is the actions of we together to kiss again the dream of where we touch to feel with the only words as we wake to morning each other a smile inside. I see the heart of you in your eyes to pillow the tasks together as we walk our lives as one. To have and to hold meet to know and be still as wherever you are I am. The love is in together wherever you are… next to each other. Distance is where you are, not where you are not. To go to where your heart is is the only action of love ❤️ that is with you.

What makes a man fall in love with a woman? “I will answer this question from a woman’s perspective. ” Season 2

I mean to say what a woman thinks can make a man fall for her. Certainly, men-women falling for each other is a natural instinct. But, when it comes to the point of what makes a man fall in love with a woman, the touchstones are as follows:

How she looks and makes herself presentable in different occasions at different times of the day in different outfits
Her intelligence that glows in her eyes and makes her different from the rest of the world
How she at the same time be tender and rough, whatsoever and whenever required
Her emotional and spiritual maturity
The way she covers up her silly mistakes as if nothing went wrong
A smile both from eyes and lips that literally kills
How she loves her obsessions: food, music, fashion and more
How she can gel with all people and earn their love
Her “being girly” attitude
Her dedication towards her passion
Her ambition, success and uniqueness
Her openness to learn new, accept unknown
Her time management skills considering every priority
Her spontaneity and adaptability
How she surprises you and makes you feel special
How she gives you a family feel when you are far away from them
How she flirts with you every day
How she talks bad and perverted in a language in front of all, but still none understand other than you both
Her smell that seduces you
An invisible bond that drags you closer and closer to her
Her occasional madness and idiosyncrasy
Her adventures and feel for thrill
The way she talks proving herself to be the best of the best
How she values you even though she is self sufficient
Her end-to-end sexuality, be it in dress, looks, words, glances, hair and more
How she complements you in every field
How you can depend upon her with full faith and trust
How she knows everything that you can think of
How she perfectly reads your mind
How she fights with you everyday and still gets back
How she pretends to be a kid in front of you
Her indifferent attitude towards your money
Her courage to be a rebel and still be proud of it

and more
Now, of course, these are some items on in a man’s checklist. But, since love is the biggest accident, a man can fall in love for many more things… Who can say… A man can even fall for a woman for her arrogance, rudeness, attitude and more…

I really don’t know whether readers will agree with me or not. I just shared what I think considering myself to be the woman…

To sum up, every man falls for that woman who has an amazing personality in his eyes and is all and all his own…

What makes a man fall in love with a woman?

  • His number desire the need and want for approval and validation. This can mean many ways of showing that; and I can mention some. That she shows him affection, she behaves in a feminine way in recipocrating his flirtatious ways and she shows vulnerability to him. She makes him feel special, needed, wanted in her life. When she sees him or hears from him she is excited, it feels like she has been waiting to hear from him. He is wanted. He is needed. He is loved.

How so many women especially young women fail in this first one is crazy. You’d not believe how women know this is important to them too and yet expect it from man but do not recipocrate in the same manner. It ends disasterously later on.

  • He feels safe in her presence. In the world man lives in, he has discovered showing emotions and vulnerability is a bad idea. Even if women say they want to see that in a man, men have experienced they are taken for granted, and it can be used against them. When he feels safe in her presence, where he feels he can show his inhibitations i.e. he can relax showing all of him to her which he won’t out in general day to day living with other people.
  • When he feels he can communicate with her about anything and she will listen, she will not judge, critcise but have empathy and understanding. There is no making it all about herself with crying, sobbing and devaluing him. She gets it. She’s listening to how he feels. When he experiences this then he has seen what it’s like with her in the future. Not only is she a woman but she is also his lover, partner he can share all he feels with her and they work together solving the issue at hand.

If it happens the opposite, with her getting upset, angry, sobbing and being melodramtic; to also devalue him; then he has learned he can never be open with her and her behaviour, or the relationship or how he feels or desires, less he is judged. He doesn’t see a long term future with her. She reminds him of what he hates about the world.

  • When he feels that hs existence in her life makes her life or outlook in life better. He sees and he hears when he receives text from her, phone calls or when face to face intereactions; that she is happy because a man wants to feel he is the hero of her life, whether she can take care of herself, it means a lot to the man.

However, if he finds out she is always complaining about life, about how hard it is with him in her life, how difficult long distance is, or how difficult it has been due to whatever challenges, he begins to feel that him being in her life does not bring her happiness, does not make a different and he has failed. He learns he is not her hero and that later transforms to not wanting to feel this way and it pushes him away from her.

He learns that his love for her is a burden and everytime she behaves like this and says these words, paints images in his head that create negative toxic sensations that slowly kills his feelings for her.

  • When he knows he can trust her with his most deepest fantasies and knows she will not judge him, make drama about it, and instead she desire to explore some or all with him.
  • Put them together; he sees and feels the future with her. He wants to create memories with her and have a future with her.

Can you see love?

BE STILL AND KNOW

On every moment I am here my heart is there, for where is home? I sleep and whence the wish so alive you form to a silent kiss on top to still my breath as I cosset to bring to you my heart. The silence stops in where I have had and I find the wind remembers your touching hands on my cheeks soft to my arms tight around you. I feel the graze of your lips on mine. Do you feel the want of everything I am holding still my love on you the wish? Longing to kiss you I tremble the taste again I want. It is to wear your love. Caressed to still on the rest of where we stay the night. It is our rest we bed the moments alive on a pull of you tight to me. Your skin to mine, my touch in you. The air between our love wishing each other stills the where until I and you hold together each other tight. Be still my heart and know, in the wake of where your heart tenders to open forever is found in you the one I spend to their the halls of eternity. If you can only see the one thing offered in this, let it be the kiss from my heart to yours. I wish to have the heights awake by the still of your heart. And to you my heart bequeathed in the rising of every morning’s pier. Until the sea releases me, the moon of the reflection is stilled in who I am. It is in the quest for your love

MY HEART

What are some examples of pure and innocent love?

IT IS IN YOU I SLEEP

When where you breathe the wish of your heart in another is the same see,

you fall into the open a hand held together by how you enter to wear each other as to a consumed still caught.

Between the inhale and exhale, in and out emit a base of inner light your love tingles to where your I beats the drawn as seen in the morning turn to find your love.

Do you look to be on the winds to clear the arc in between us?

To take muse everywhere felt and hold still in the everyday morning night to dream?

It was not just a wish given by old, but the truth before I became we to you on my side the live of my heart the true.

We shared the same love.

The once upon a lifetime adventures in the stop of each night I find in you my rest.

You looked and to me I became…I found in you the pure of a reason to still again the beginning of where forever wore to me the taste I cannot stop.

In your innocence I became the light.

I saw to Star lit by the moments night until you wear the wish I have to sleep your morning awake.

It is in you I sleep.

It is in you I see.

Softly I open my hand for you to take as together.

Now rest my love to be…

Gently feat your heart on mine.