Assume somebody suddenly leaves your life (personally or professionally) and it is clear that it was because of something you did or didn’t do. Do you ask for feedback? Why are people often reluctant to give feedback even when it is solicited?

  • I would just let the relationship go. I do not ask for feedback. In my personal and romantic relationships, I’m in it to win it, but once we part ways, there is no reconciliation. No on-again, off-again relationships for me. If someone needs or wants some clarification from me, it has to be done before parting ways which means you are interested in resolving the issue. If either of us walks away, that means neither of us was interested in resolving the issues
  • I think when someone leaves for whatever the reason, it will be because they’ve found better to do or interested in other people. At personal level, if someone is leaving, probably there is a problem in shared interest, boredom, closing a chapter for something better. At professional level if someone’s leaving probably may feel better and not needing your help or not interested to keep such professional relationship because not so useful after all. Do you really need of a feedback from them? I don’t ask feedback, I let people decide from themselves, if they don’t like, you cannot force or saying your point of view, nothing would change I suppose, so let them do it, it’s not your choice after all. Maybe one day they will regret? Who knows? Let them live their life, we don’t need to have all the answers isn’t?
  • There are raw feelings/emotions definitely activated by the question. It doesn’t cost you much of anything to ask, but a great deal for them to answer. This takes it out of the realm of linear rationality to some meaningful degree. You can compassionately, gently indicate you’re open to learning more, should they feel so inclined – & leave it at that. Be prepared however for what they then unleash in your direction. The onus is on you as the less injured party asking them to share their pain, for you to be quite literally endlessly patient while they do so. Also not to be argumentative about it and/or re-offend (in their eyes – which can be difficult indeed). Most ideally, you want this to happen with a neutral third party present to act as a mediator, perhaps a therapist conversant in these dynamics. In any event these are the elements needing to be dealt with.
  • I believe people don’t give feedback because they lack the skills to communicate or relate well with others. At times it may be that they haven’t worked through their upset and are still in a very negative place, and not able to deal with it at the time. But people relate differently and in my many years of experience communicating in business, I have found that many lack good people skills and do not communicate well. Unless people grow up in a family where there is good, healthy communication, most often they never learn to relate in mature ways.
  • It’s completely fine to ask what you did or didn’t do if you aren’t aware of it. If they wont tell you, you should not care nor be bothered at all.
  • Yes. I have been known to say and do wicked dumb things. I would immediately call, apologize, and say I never want anything to come between us. Mostly it worked, and I tried harder not to be a stupid head in future.
  • No because I always knew what I did and I understood why they left. I didn’t need to ask for feedback I have only asked for a chance to apologize for my mistakes

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