The problem with trial and error is…error. The problem with being reliable is being relied upon. How much of our human struggles are a result of unreasonable expectations?

  1. We cannot learn anything (that we can then rely upon) without facing many of the errors. Learning is facing and overcoming errors (obstacles/dilemmas).

So the idea of being relied upon is not because we never error or never had to overcome error, but just the opposite. We are reliable because we don’t let obstacles/dilemmas/errors/faults stop us….we continue on and deliver on what we promise. That is what reliable means for a person.

Our wrongheaded over reliance on the material world and how it operates is the source of the foolish “reliable means no error”.

Example: a hammer can be relied upon…..yes. But what if we need door fixed and hire a person and they take a hammer and start hammering. After all, everyone knows a “hammer is reliable”….right?

But in this case, the dilemma/obstacle is the loose screw, not a nail that needs to be hammered.

So we see material tools are dumb but can be reliably dumb. They just work the way they work…period! And if you or I misapply/misuse them, that’s not the tool’s problem. Right?

But for life forms (humans in this case) we expect insight and analysis along with reliability and that means we expect some initial and ongoing troubleshooting.

Troubleshooting for what finding the likely true cause and adapting a corrective action that will fix that likely cause…and to hang in there (not bail out) until that process is completed. That is IMO, how a human being is seen as reliable.

And yes, our modern western material culture tends to have an expectation for people to be predictable “material tools” (like the hammer) for me and others to use.

A bit of sarcasm: He or she forms a very short term relationship and pushes a button and watches the person pick up a hammer and hit the door. This type of thinking can and does leak into longer term relationships….maybe promoted by business with job descriptions and legal recourse to end a relationship of the button is pushed and no hammering occurs.

But back to my early thought: facing obstacles and not giving up and eventually finding the root cause and overcoming it is who we humans are. The tools we create can then repeatedly (robotically) hammer the nail or flush the toilet and can do that more repeatedly, in many cases, than humans but still: “dumb as a door knob” outside of those repetitive task.

And don’t think computers are any different. So far none are any better than the one(s) who programmed them (but surely they can be phenomenally faster and don’t forget: totally heartless).

Why every time I go out in public people always stare at me as if I’m weird? I mind my own business I’m a nice person kind and caring and yet people don’t like me. What’s wrong with me? Why do people look at me like that?

  1. This I would think is more about how you feel in yourself and you being self conscious with an unhealthy level of self esteem. Because you are self conscious you are seeing the situations as more than they are and reading far too much into it. Its human nature to look at people who we may pass by or who are in the same public places as us and sometimes we are not even aware that we are even doing it as we may be thinking of other things but just happen to be looking in the direction of another at the time. After all you must be looking at these people in the first place to even notice that they are looking at you and perhaps they are wondering too why you are looking at them.. even if some people do look at you, you have absolutely no idea what they are thinking or why they are looking and you are making assumptions about it and automatically assuming that it’s for negative reasons such as thinking you are weird because this is what your own view is of yourself. Try to stop focusing upon what others are doing and concentrate on your own behavior and working on building up your self esteem as then you will either not notice or not care if other people glance at you and if anything you will then view it as a positive and may even think that they are looking at you as you look great especially when you feel great inside
  2. So let me just point out that if you are only concerned about you and what your doing you wouldn’t see all those people. But because your constantly looking at people to see if they’re staring that is alerting them to someone staring at them and they want to know why so they stare back. It’s an infinite loop that’s easily broken by just focusing on what your doing and ignore the rest. And if they are staring then you still have to ignore them. Again, focus on what you want.
  3. How do you know that is why they are looking in your direction? Did you ask them? Without talking to people, how do you know they don’t like you? I think you are assuming a lot of things without any evidence. Most people don’t bother with people that don’t know, they don’t care if they are weird, they don’t bother to like or dislike strangers. Instead they just go about their business as if strangers don’t exist. You can’t read the tea leaves on other people’s actions and expect to be right, as you don’t know them well enough.
  4. I think this is your own perception. Even so, who cares what these people think. Take a friend with you to talk to and so you can be less conscious of other people.

People say that I take things too personally, but then they get mad when I can’t take a hint. I’m confused and angry. What am I supposed to do?

  1. Interpersonal skills and emotional awareness can be really hard for some people to acquire. I speak from experience. I spent many years in psychotherapy learning to better understand myself and others. Self reflection at the end of a day is a great way to better understand yourself and others. Take time when you come home to think about your interactions that didn’t go well that day. Think about how you might have reacted differently or signs you might have looked for to better understand a situation. Try to imagine yourself in those situations as a neutral observer and what others might have observed.
  1. Yes you probably are taking things too personally if you’re so angry as that. Usually this refers to self esteem and self awareness. If you do some work building up your own self esteem and self confidence small comments that other people make will have less effect. You want to be like a duck, right? With the water just flowing over its back. If you start making the assumption that people wish you well instead of are against you, life will go a lot more smoothly.

We can take the opportunity to learn something from other people’s opinions of us and try to improve where we need to, but at the same time should not get too worried about it. I hope that doesn’t sound too contradictory! Once you get over the initial upset ask yourself, is there any truth in it? Look back over past experiences. Do you get angry whenever people make any personal comment? Are you always overreacting to things? Maybe think of their opinions like a buffet. You can take some choice bites from certain dishes but there is no need to sample all of it!

  1. It is unlikely that anyone would not get confused and angry that’s quite normal

We take things to heart

Thats normal too

I understand that you feel like this

Remember when we become triggered or rebuke we go into protection mode and can be defensive

so try to understand that is what we do

With this awareness we can look at words as what they are

And see people for what they say are for them

The more we associate with this

The more we can realise this and look at this behaviour as what it is

Then we are able to not take the weight on in these words feel it and relate to it in time reliving it

As each time we do this we deeper feel

And this can become a occurrence we are in

We be

We are much more than this

Focus on meaningful its more in line with more meaningful hope this helps take care

4. it’s about them, not you, don’t take it personally. they are nowhere near “on your side”. pay more attention to describing and explaining each transaction.

Lately I lack empathy & kindness towards others, how can I be a nice person? I am kind of mean & bitter at the moment

  1. Sometimes it can help to remember that all of those people you see out there in the world, are either “beaten up” already, or going to get “beaten up” soon enough.
    Negativity is like the gift that just keeps giving. The old saying which exemplifies this is:
    “What goes around, comes around.”
    Most people require some painful lessons before they learn to abandon the Reactive Personality. Social Primitives (undeveloped persons) all cling to and attach themselves to emotional reactions, intense dislikes, and criticisms and fault-finding of other persons, combined with the common habit of never engaging in self-examination. People like me develop the habit of always “finger pointing” at what is outside ourselves, and never looking within. In the primitive state of development, people like me avoid all thought about our own actions. We love to find problems outside of ourselves, and we love to point the finger at the evil that exists in other persons. Sometimes we love to tell others exactly what we hate. The more we hate, the more we think that we have discovered some great treasure in life. We paint ourselves pure white with a paint brush that is very large and always ready to go to work.

People like me only develop a gentler personality and a more understanding personality when our Ego is entirely shattered and we are exposed as being no better or different than all other persons.

All of which serves to show why I like that funny saying;

“We have met the enemy, and he is us.”

Sometimes, people learn to channel their energy into critical thinking skills, or accomplishing some purpose in life which helps the rest of mankind, by which means they examine themselves with the same standard that they used to examine others.

The problem that people like myself face, is finding a way to somehow remember that the abuses and suffering and injustice that I endured in my own life, is always the same kind of difficulty that other people face as they learn to develop. Most of the little children suffer these things.

  1. If you are mean and bitter with people is there a reason to behave this way?
    As an empath, I see where people can be hurting inside their souls by their lack of empathy and kindness due to their own disappointment at parents that pushed them to act more mature than they need to be.

This bitterness that you may feel should not be directed at others when they have done nothing to you but to reconsider your attitude because most people like to get along with each other even when they feel as you do. Try to remember no one is better off in this situation over the Covid-19 and that dealing with this virus is better we stand together as family and neighbors together.

  1. If you are a woman,then you are going through hormonal changes… regardless. Who ever you are you have to look into the following to know what made you this way…
  • did somebody or something made you angry..? If yes then, did you let it go,? If no then let it go.
  • are you going through difficult moments in your life,? Either financially or socially? If yes then worry out. You will pass it..it wont stay forever. Then the last thing you need is LOVE…and care. Find one who can do that to you..
    Also do not let these temporarily feelings drive you out you are better than that. Last is try harder to stay positive..

Should I make my dinner guests wait to eat if I am still waiting on one more guest?

  1. When you issue dinner invitations, you are not likely to run into that situation if you give a time to arrive; but, eat 1.5 hours later. You don’t have to tell your guests that. However, if you hold frequent dinner parties, they will come to realize that. After all, it is not very enjoyable if the guest walks in the door and just pull up a seat to put on the feed bag. There should be drinks, talking and maybe some appetizers. Then, whoever comes even an hour later than normal can still have a drink before dinner.

As a host, you know your guests. If you know anyone who is tardy, just don’t let them know how long till dinner. As far as they are concerned, they need to be on time. Then, if they arrive late, they will look foolish just coming to the table when everyone else is either finished or half done. Then, you never invite them again.

  1. Common etiquette says that dinner should be served on time. So if dinner was scheduled for 7pm that is when it will be served. However keep in mind that when you invite people for dinner you cannot expect them to run out of their car and straight to the table – so you invite would have asked them to come at 6pm, while dinner will be served at 7, The reason is apparent, some people might have traffic delays or scheduling delays, you there for gave them 1 hour to take care of the issue whatever it was. Plus it also gives people the chance to mingle socially, get something to drink, freshen up etc before coming to the table.

Your question was however should you make the guests wait if you are waiting on one person.
The answer to this is NO, you would announce to the guests that dinner is served, when that couple gets there you can seat them. UNLESS OF COURSE its the guest of honor who is late, then you would be obligated to delay dinner till they arrived.
To answer your question – never make the other guests wait. Otherwise, you are catering to those with bad behavior and failing to treat those who arrived on time as the courteous guests they are. Otherwise, they would have been better off being fashionably late like the others. Who will come to your dinner parties in future? Only the one who arrives late.

3. No, your guests were all aware of the time of the invitation. A 10–15 minute grace period is fine over pre-dinner drinks and appetizers if you are serving them, but one should never ignore the present guests’ expectations of being hosted and fed in a timely manner, over a late arrival. Yes life happens, sometimes making one late, but the world does not need to stop revolving because of that and the other guests should not be starved while waiting on one person. Some guests may need to take medication with dinner at a certain time, or have to return to their homes at a certain time to relieve care-givers, or they may have to leave earlier than others due to a long drive home, so it is not fair to ask them rearrange their schedules for one person.

4. I think 15 minutes of holding dinner is more than enough time to make on time guests wait. After that I think dinner should be served and the one that is arriving late will just have to eat when they get there. I think if you hold dinner longer than 15 minutes it would be rude on your part to all the guests who made it on time. Think of it this way is it fair or right to the ones that made it there on time and probably are hungry to have to wait on someone because they didn’t make it their priority to get there on time. Yes things happen like traffic jams or whatever but you should leave early enough to allow time for those things.

  1. A polite guest/guests will notify the host that they are running late with an estimate of by how much. If it is more than 15 minutes, the considerate guest will suggest going ahead with eating.
    If guests have not notified the host, a call to them (guests) are in order to make sure all is well with them.
    Waiting about 15, maybe even 20 minutes could be acceptable, especially if drinks and appetizers are being served. After that, no, do not make guests who have gotten themselves there in a timely manner should not have to accommodate ill-mannered late comers

I rejected a great company and accepted the one that turns out fired me. I seem to can’t let go of the regrets because of the choice that I made. What should I do?

1. You should use what you learned from your mistake. See it as a valuable lesson. While you can’t control what happens outside of yourself, you can control how you react to it. Adversity is a great teacher, however the lessons tend to be a bit rough to take. Still, the lesson is there, and you have the opportunity to grow from that. Yeah, I know that sounds all new age, pink and fluffy. But it’s more.

There was a man in Ancient Rome, named Seneca. He was a Stoic. He understood hardship from being exiled from Rome. He lost everything; his home, money, family…etc. He took advantage of the time in exile to become stronger than his emotions about it. A famous quote of his says “Fire tests gold, misfortune strong men.”

He knew what he was talking about. When people would buy gold (by trading for it) they tested the purity by melting it down. When the gold was in its molten state, all the dross and impurities would float to the top. That’s because gold is very dense.

In that same way, a strong man is tested by misfortune. At some point you discover what the really important things are in your life. You become stronger by realizing you can’t control the world, But you can control YOU.

I think you’re doing well in asking about this. It shows that you have self respect and a healthy self image. I hope you find another job that does you well. I know how that happens because I quit a job that turned out to be pure deluxe hell.

2. Throw a scheduled “pity party” for yourself. Write about your regrets and feelings then burn it. Be sure to include the circumstances of your firing an how you feel about that. I suspect that’s the real issue- not the “great company “ you turned down (although that feeds into your regrets). Shake it off, refresh the resume and start again. If you can’t jump start your positivity and optimism, don’t get stuck in your current state. Regrets turn into bitterness and inertia very quickly- and then a much longer time passes than you realized and is totally a waste of part of your precious life. If you find yourself unable to learn from it, bury it and move on with a good life, please consult your doctor and find some counseling and/ or medications to help you over this “hump”. A close friend I knew never got over a lay-off – it colored his attitude to work, his personality and mental outlook for the rest of his life. He refused to take any chances – even good ones- and became an “old fossil “ before his time, stuck in time. Don’t let a small setback do that to you. If it’s any help, most successful people have had a similar experience and have still gone on to bigger and better things.

3. Consider your life. What can you do something about, an event of the past that is just a memory, or your present, which still needs to unfold? It’s up to you to define your path. Don’t get stuck in what you can no longer change, but give everything you have to change what you can now. So many times, I’ve not chosen what I then considered to be the better path, only to realize in time that the choices I made were actually all right. Not because the best, simply because they all offered me precious lessons and the opportunity to develop and get to know myself better. So, no regrets, move on and up, keep on believing in yourself and life. At the end of the day, there really are no wrong decisions, there are only the ones you made and learnt from.

4. You rejected an offer from a great company because of the information you had at the time.
You selected an offer to another opportunity and that opportunity is over.
Obviously you have some talent, skill and experience to get two offers. Unless you were arrested for the termination, the firing will slow your progress, but it won’t stop you from getting to a place where you could have two offers to choose from.
Repeat the same thing you did originally. Focus on the action steps that got you that great company to offer you a job.
Understand your responsibility for the termination and use it to be a better employee.
Focusing on the regret is just lame procrastination. Blaming your sad feelings instead of getting up and getting yourself another job is holding you back. . All the best for your future.