The average person will know 1,000 people in their lifetime. The 1,000 people you know may very well be impacted by you more than you think. Each one of those 1,000 people will also know 1,000 people and so on. That means you are only 1 step from 1,000 and 2 steps from 1,000,000.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, imagine you adopt a contagious persona like possitivity, you just ooze it. Now add in the fact that we are so easily connected as human kind is. You smiling at a single person and making their day could really be seen as you possibly making the day of 1,000,000 over your lifetime. The same works vice versa in a negative context.
I am sharing this idea to show how big of an impact your treatment of others has and should be perceived.
Life is indeed fraught with suffering. Fighting against the darkness and striving to bring chaos into order is a heavy moral load but is rich with meaning. If one wishes to lead a meaningful existence that positively impacts the world around them, this is their calling.
You sound like the greatest man who ever lived, Jesus. He loved and cared for people so much and yes, he died for them.
However, he had a unique assignment from his Father that no human could fill, so he did it; to ransom mankind from what Adam forfeited for himself and for all of his offspring.
We follow his example of love (the kind based on respect: Agape) as well as showing empathy, kindness, joy, humility, promoting peace, and things like these, that demonstrate who we are. We then are a living example of the good that is in each person. This does more good for others and for society, than if we die. We do not need to die to show our love and loyalty, we need to live a beautiful life amid the misery, by continuing joyful, humble and to “serve” others by our good conduct. Our good example serves others in a very important way and perhaps will give them needed comfort hope that there is more than this present ugly life.
It reminds me also of the faith of Abraham, that he saw his hope “a long way off” and lived his life to please his creator and to live in accord with his will.
What you say is the but it doesn’t go that simple as it sounds.
Why is the world cruel and cold?!
Because it is built by our inherently self-serving, egotistic, exploitative nature.
So how can we become more caring, selfless and patient?!
After all we would need to become someone that is opposite to how we are born to!
Still, it is possible, moreover it is crucially necessary as our collective survival depends on changing, upgrading ourselves.
We need a unique, purposeful and highly practical educational method for this and the suitable, “laboratory-like” environment where we can try, practice, implement and acquire the new qualities.
4. I agree that at times the world can be cruel and cold place, but at every moment their are deeds of selflessness being performed by people all around the world, the God I try to follow says that one of the ways to please him is not to hurt one of our fellow human beings. And Meher Baba also says it you think so much of others that you forget yourself, you’ll please him. The ultimate goal is to realize the inner dweller in us all is God and to become one with him.
Baba also says (Everything real is given and received in silence)Be well my friend
It may start as a lonely path but you won’t end up lonely forever, you will be happier after you go through this phase of adjustment.
When I first started setting boundaries, people around me were shocked my behavior changed, and it was not easy, and I didn’t do it perfectly so it caused drama, I did it more cut and dry, even protest like, which is perfectly normal because I have never done it before.
That did throw me into unwanted feeling of loneliness and feeling misunderstood.
As time goes on, I learned how to set boundaries and avoid drama, which is set it early with clarity, and smooth the wording stating it as personal needs, it’s reasoning and consequence. I communicate better about my boundaries.
Most of my loved ones can understand. Those who can’t understand I have already distanced from.
It is a lonely place! When you stop the insane habit of seeking the approval of others and being intruded on by everyone around you,when firm boundaries are set,you are like Robinson Crusoe marooned on his Island.Lonely, certainly.
But here is the beauty of it all.Here is where real power and wisdom lie.You no longer have any crutch to hang on.You have nothing but yourself to navigate this awesome world..It is in this state of mind that we delve into the creative resources within our being.It is at this time that we pause and listen to ourselves.This is when,if we truly trust our own inner being,we start feeling we are not alone.We have stopped the world’s overwhelming pull on our awareness.We have retrieved ourselves from the perpetual chatterings of our minds-the constant,never ending internal dialogue.
In this inner silence, we have have access to our true nature.Here we find another awareness,a sublime and indescribably loving Self which is our real Self.We discover we have all along been living as artificially created ego selves.As beings seperates and apart from every other person, disconnected from our fellow humans,our sorroundings and the universe and from the all-pervading Spirit which is the source of everything.A glimpse of this inner reality changes us profoundly.No longer are we lonely.No longer are we confused about life.We know and understand our place in this beautiful world.We feel an energetic harmony with all beings and the universe.We are home, finally.
To arrive at this state of awareness is the ultimate goal of our life on this Earth. When we are ripe and ready, we shall find a way. We shall begin the search.
3. I can only speculate that you understood that you needed to stop the behavior, but you didn’t get to the understanding as to why you were doing it. I gave you validation. I am guessing that you missed the part were you give yourself you’re own validation and haven’t found peace at this point. You may feel like you lost your purpose. The answer is generally self-love and self-esteem. If you build those two things, you have access to peace. It takes commitment and time. It takes quiet reflection. At first you will jump into other things such as binge watching tv, your job, anything you are obsessively doing. These keep your brain distracted from the work. The work is finding yourself and loving the person you are. If you do that, there is no loneliness there (or briefly). Meditation, counseling, walking, dogs, appreciation for everything (water, heat, food, the sky, the moon, your family) whatever that is for you. I found I connected with my higher power in an awesome way. We relax, we are content. This is your journey and I am a stranger on the other side of this, but see if it jives with you as truth.
You may be feeling lonely now because once you stopped with the people-pleasing and began setting boundaries all the toxic peoole and the users went looking for new supply. That’s a good thing!
Become your own best friend and nurture yourself. Work hard, pursue your hobbies, set goals and learn how to find happiness and satisfaction in what you make of your life, not by how popular you are.
You will find that once you come to a place where you love yourself, just as you are, not according to what you can do to win approval from others; but when you realize that just being you is enough, like-minded people will be drawn to you. Water seeks it’s own level. Remember that.
As for now, enjoy your new found freedom. No more users. Yay!
Don’t worry, you will make new friends. But it’s important that you stick to your boundaries. The people worth keeping as friends will understand and they will have boundaries of their own. Respect their boundaries just as you want others to respect yours.
Because you discovered that the people you’re dealing with before had an agenda. What’s their common denominator?
In my case – I used to attract drama queens, people who were never interested in building healthy relationships. They were interested in attention. I’ve noticed that healthy friendships never start in my life with drama.
Someone solve this puzzle to me – those people were horrible, but they were also kind of interesting, entertaining… and I needed a company. But soon after I was drained, annoyed and felt used.
My advice – pick a person from a different group than before. i.e. promise yourself you won’t start friendship with people, who have a massive drama happening in their lives when you meet them. Don’t enter the role of a therapist. Check how much you give and how much the give. If the don’t give enough – withdraw.
Have you ever heard of crabs in the bucket? If not, I will explain one of the crabs tries to get out of the bucket and all the crabs are like no, you’re not going anywhere. You’re stuck with us for life.
So, with that being said, you made it out and you just got to find the other people who go out of it. Just like you did. Once you find those people you will be happier than ever. I promised you will think that the past is just a dream. You wish that you could’ve done sooner. Yes, lonely for now. You will find more people like you later on. Be a hammer never pose as a nail, because you will get the hammer down no matter what. I wish you all the best.
You sound like you truly care about this person. Unfortunately, they don’t, let alone “their” problems.Here’s a couple of things you could do:
Confront. Approach them directly, but be aware that this may end your friendship with them. Not that they shouldn’t hear the truth of their behavior, but rather the burden it has put on their friends’ shoulders, and hearts. Perhaps you may even discover, there really isn’t any “problem”, and they’ve manufactured one, for attention? Or, there truly is a problem, but they’re the kind of person who “constantly” needs someone else to do the work for them. Kind of like a “latch-key kid”? Catch and Release. In other words, you continue to hold their hand, lending them support, and guidance, until you feel they’re capable of standing on their own two feet, and then let go. But you have to also step away from their “problem”, not the person. It’s okay to be there for “them”, just not their problem/situation. It’s hard to do sometimes, but if the other person doesn’t give a damn enough about their situation, let alone makes excuses for themselves, then why should you? You’re not walking away from them, you’re distancing yourself from their problem. Caring about another, is what we, as a society, are supposed to do. But there are those that take advantage of it. And then we wind up caring more about their situations, than we do our own. These two options, that I’ve listed above, are the only ones, that I myself, have come to the conclusion, of using.
You are not responsible for the feelings and behavior of anyone who has personal issues or is a toxic person. If a person decides to be stubborn and procrastinates and stalls then be assertive with them. Focus on the problem itself and not on the person.
It would be wise not to let their selfish attitude and rude behaviour affect you personally. I suggest that you be objective and detach yourself from them. Anyone who makes excuses and more excuses only desires to win an argument at your cost. Don’t play this game with them. Tell them that you can only think for yourself.
All you can do is set boundaries and lead by example. Do what you think is important for yourself and not cater to their demands and selfish needs.
3. For a start I would stop arguing with them about excuses. Then take responsibility to not allow what really does not concern you affect you in anyway. If you have to disconnect do it, but it’s up to you look after yourself. People have the right to be how they want, you can’t change that, but you can change how you react to their issues. The problem is that you want control and you know you can’t have it.
4. Since they don’t care for you, you must care for yourself. first, consider others when you have the energy and the time. if they were good, they’d ask you if you could help them change, get better.
Well, most beliefs are pretty harmless and do not necessarily interfere with a person’s ability to deal with reality.
What really is a bigger issue is when people lead a life of small interests, because our civilisation is actually straining right now from a critical lack of far thinkers.
In simple words, we need more people who are able to rise above pointless, worldly diversions so as to take on tasks and duties which are actually going to serve our humankind’s survival and prosperity.
Our civilisation is straining from an excess of people who live entirely for themselves and what they want, but who do not give any thought to what the civilisation needs or can cope with.
This is a problem that pretty much everyone is guilty of, except for a few rare people.
For example, if a couple is not financially in a good place and they decide to have a child this year while we are in the midst of a serious pandemic, this is selfish because they are going to show up to the public hospital in 9 months and demand a bed.
However, at that time there might not be an available bed waiting for them, because the pandemic is raging out of control again and the hospitals in many countries are once again filling up with critical cases of this ravenous viral disease.
This is an example of selfish, dangerous thinking.
It really does not matter too much if people believe in a god or in elves or whatever; that is their own business what they choose to believe in.
What is far more dangerous, however, is when people shut themselves off from paying attention to what is going on in the world and subsequently fail to align themselves (and their actions) with the prevailing circumstances.
Our civilisation can only continue to stand if people are logical enough and are comporting themselves logically.
However, right now a critical mass of humanity is not doing this, because a critical mass of people are obstinate and reckless with regard to reality, and so they are just doing what they feel like, and then demanding that the world copes with it.
This happens when a poor couple procreated too many children but cannot feed them, and so demands that social programs be created to take care of the responsibility which they have failed to deal with on their own.
Our civilisation cannot continue on forever if too many people have this kind of selfish attitude, and people ultimately need to learn how to exercise rational judgement, or else suffer the hard lessons and harsh consequences.
For example, people who choose this year and month to procreate, despite our planet being in the middle of a serious pandemic which is threatening to overtake the current hospital infrastructure, might suffer a very harsh lesson in 9 months if our governments do not get a handle on the situation and go back to some form of lockdown.
If the cases continue to exponentially grow, which is happening as of October in many countries then in 9 months, a lot of parents might have no option but to attempt to deliver their baby from home, and if complications arise which need a doctor, those parents might just have to watch their infant die.
(Already in Ontario, hospitals are being forced to put a halt on most surgeries again, because of the fact that the lockdowns were terminated prematurely, and so if this trend continues, then people will reap the sorrowful consequences.)
It really does not matter what personal beliefs someone has; the hypothetical parents in this example could be Muslims or Christians or atheists and it doesn’t change the fact that it’s really a lack of awareness and logic which creates the whole disaster.
Our world and civilization can cope with peoples’ personal beliefs, but cannot cope with everyone being irrational and illogical.
No, of course not. But there are balances and lines not to be crossed.
First, understand that what you are saying could be said by many people with completely conflicting beliefs. A friend with conflicting political beliefs would say this about me, and I would say this about her. There is a point where, in order to have a relationship, we just have to agree to not talk about certain issues, and if she is not able to do that, then I have to put some space in our relationship.
There needs to be some humility on your part. Know that no matter how passionate you are about certain things, you do NOT have all the information, and you might be wrong. Believe me, I am very opinionated, but often information changes as well as our understanding of things.
Before we can fairly judge another person’s beliefs, we have to really understand where they’re coming from. Even if their source of information is from something that we truly disrespect, that doesn’t mean that they’re always wrong. And possibly they are just saying the same thing you are using completely different language. It is easy to THINK we understand what someone is saying without truly doing so. Listen to understand, not to respond.
Sometimes, there is absolutely the need to speak the truth…. in love. It is much more effective when done so with respect than in just yelling at someone (although it is tempting to yell a LOT).
Before saying anything, ask yourself what good saying something will be. If all it will do is to start a fight, then there is probably no reason to say it.
Sometimes how we word things helps us to be better heard. Saying things like, “Would you be open to hearing a different perspective,” or “There may be a different way of looking at that,” or non-threatening things like that might be helpful. Then people feel more listened to and not attacked as much.
I don’t like confrontation, but it became clear to me that “Speaking the truth in love” means SPEAKING. To NOT speak is to not love. It’s just in how and when one does it.
3. No but yes. No because it’s just plain stupid but yes because everyone caves in with the right amount of pressure. Corporations that once refused to follow certain political and social agendas caved in because of agitation from certain organizations which used shaming techniques, civil disobedience, and violence to force their agenda on the corporations. Once many corporations caved in, the products they produced also had to obey these agendas and now people who consume these products also literally buy into the Marxist madness. Going with the wind is necessary because those who don’t get shamed and harassed into obedience. Now you can tell yourself that you can resist the delusions of others, but when delusions are the norm and you find yourself the target of public scorn and ridicule you will cave in and believe in the delusions yourself. Nobody is immune.
Fear has ruled for a while. There is not much we can do because the majority are cowards who would rather burn down reality than do the right thing.
The problem is that emotionalism is Bestiality. And modern man holds emotion higher than logic. So that this is the reign of the beast.
Language is now nothing but emotional sounds, words now describe feelings not logic so that language is now Beastial. Language has been redifined.
Want trumps needs, want is of the flesh thus want is Beastial
The notion of rest is a fallacy because reality is work. Rest is the flesh refusing to work, Heaven is a bestial notion because only flesh needs rest
This is the Era of The Beast. Even the color White that is the color of evil is now the color of purity yet white is the repulsion of all colors while black holds all colors
The Devil now rules.
I believe that as long as the reality of our universe is willing to cater to over 7 billion sets of beliefs, I can ultimately feel rest assured, even when quite a few of those beliefs irritate me on occasion.
My beliefs that a black woman has power can appear delusional in a Western social reality, especially 50 years ago, but still to some even today. Social reality, however, is different and subject to the reality of life, which does not see race, gender, sexuality or religion etc.
I can rant and rave against another’s idea about what is true and right, but Life supports each of us in our fantasies, until by way of suffering in isolation, we decide to give up that belief for a more helpful and fulfilling one.
Nothing is mandatory, to believed, when it is not true is weak.
I believe that if someone I’m communicating with has an unsupported belief, that I cannot get them to see with my debate response. It’s their choice to have separate opinions from me and my beliefs. Sometimes it’s too much effort to correct them. This is not enabling in my mind, it’s going a different way. If not arguing is going to improve my day, there is nothing weak, despite being called weak by the people living from an alternate reality. If their behavior is offensive call it what it is and move forward with the day.
7 . I think that at some point everybody should understand that what is truly rare it’s a person capable of handling reality, all of us live always trying to modify what is to adapt it to any idea we might have about ourselves.
One should never allow himself to act against any other person ideas, one should only care about what is one doing and what he can do to allow himself to grow better. Reality doesn’t belong to anyone and that’s as much as we can have as certain.
When giving people advice there are two requirements for it to be valuable and valued:
It has to be invited.
You have to understand the background for what you are advising on. It sounds like you’re dishing out advice to people who don’t want it without understanding what the problem actually is. That does not sound like something a reasonable person would want to do.
If you think that you have some sort of right to save someone from themselves, you have to approach the situation with care and respect AND be sure that you understand enough about the human condition to have something to contribute. Judging from the fact that you needed to ask the Internet the question above, I am not convinced that the latter precondition is fulfilled, and I very much doubt that you’re capable of the former.
So, now you were given advice that was not exactly what you wanted. Are you capable of taking this to heart, or are you so miserable you disliked it?
If you’re depressed, having people come up and tell you ‘good advice’ will just make you feel more miserable. It is usually something you already heard or know, but struggle to do or actually failed at it. You’re just reminding them they’re not doing something you think they should be doing and that they’re failing at living life properly.
Once you get stuck in the cycle of failure, self-deprecation, self-criticism, self-defeating coping, it is not productive to hear what you’re not doing right according to others as well. It just ads on the self-loathing.
You’re better off finding something to do together without putting pressure on accomplishments, and yes, giving advice is enough to trigger that anxiety and fear of failure.
Consider a person who has a problem: overweight, smoking, drinking. It is likely that they have tried a number of things and have not had any success. The programs they try feature ads of people who have been successful and they realize that is likely all their fault that they have failed. Or they haven’t tried anything at all, and know very well that they should.
So, they don’t like to be told what they already know. Depressives are people who might react somewhat violently to advice on cheering up. And some of those can really be dangerous.
Giving advice should be reserved in most cases to when the person asks for it.