As hard as it is, I’m finally at a stage where I’ve stopped people pleasing, started setting boundaries, and becoming assertive. Why is it such a lonely place?

  1. It may start as a lonely path but you won’t end up lonely forever, you will be happier after you go through this phase of adjustment.

When I first started setting boundaries, people around me were shocked my behavior changed, and it was not easy, and I didn’t do it perfectly so it caused drama, I did it more cut and dry, even protest like, which is perfectly normal because I have never done it before.

That did throw me into unwanted feeling of loneliness and feeling misunderstood.

As time goes on, I learned how to set boundaries and avoid drama, which is set it early with clarity, and smooth the wording stating it as personal needs, it’s reasoning and consequence. I communicate better about my boundaries.

Most of my loved ones can understand. Those who can’t understand I have already distanced from.

  1. It is a lonely place! When you stop the insane habit of seeking the approval of others and being intruded on by everyone around you,when firm boundaries are set,you are like Robinson Crusoe marooned on his Island.Lonely, certainly.

But here is the beauty of it all.Here is where real power and wisdom lie.You no longer have any crutch to hang on.You have nothing but yourself to navigate this awesome world..It is in this state of mind that we delve into the creative resources within our being.It is at this time that we pause and listen to ourselves.This is when,if we truly trust our own inner being,we start feeling we are not alone.We have stopped the world’s overwhelming pull on our awareness.We have retrieved ourselves from the perpetual chatterings of our minds-the constant,never ending internal dialogue.

In this inner silence, we have have access to our true nature.Here we find another awareness,a sublime and indescribably loving Self which is our real Self.We discover we have all along been living as artificially created ego selves.As beings seperates and apart from every other person, disconnected from our fellow humans,our sorroundings and the universe and from the all-pervading Spirit which is the source of everything.A glimpse of this inner reality changes us profoundly.No longer are we lonely.No longer are we confused about life.We know and understand our place in this beautiful world.We feel an energetic harmony with all beings and the universe.We are home, finally.

To arrive at this state of awareness is the ultimate goal of our life on this Earth. When we are ripe and ready, we shall find a way. We shall begin the search.

3. I can only speculate that you understood that you needed to stop the behavior, but you didn’t get to the understanding as to why you were doing it. I gave you validation. I am guessing that you missed the part were you give yourself you’re own validation and haven’t found peace at this point. You may feel like you lost your purpose. The answer is generally self-love and self-esteem. If you build those two things, you have access to peace. It takes commitment and time. It takes quiet reflection. At first you will jump into other things such as binge watching tv, your job, anything you are obsessively doing. These keep your brain distracted from the work. The work is finding yourself and loving the person you are. If you do that, there is no loneliness there (or briefly). Meditation, counseling, walking, dogs, appreciation for everything (water, heat, food, the sky, the moon, your family) whatever that is for you. I found I connected with my higher power in an awesome way. We relax, we are content. This is your journey and I am a stranger on the other side of this, but see if it jives with you as truth.

  1. You may be feeling lonely now because once you stopped with the people-pleasing and began setting boundaries all the toxic peoole and the users went looking for new supply. That’s a good thing!

Become your own best friend and nurture yourself. Work hard, pursue your hobbies, set goals and learn how to find happiness and satisfaction in what you make of your life, not by how popular you are.

You will find that once you come to a place where you love yourself, just as you are, not according to what you can do to win approval from others; but when you realize that just being you is enough, like-minded people will be drawn to you. Water seeks it’s own level. Remember that.

As for now, enjoy your new found freedom. No more users. Yay!

Don’t worry, you will make new friends. But it’s important that you stick to your boundaries. The people worth keeping as friends will understand and they will have boundaries of their own. Respect their boundaries just as you want others to respect yours.

  1. Because you discovered that the people you’re dealing with before had an agenda. What’s their common denominator?

In my case – I used to attract drama queens, people who were never interested in building healthy relationships. They were interested in attention. I’ve noticed that healthy friendships never start in my life with drama.

Someone solve this puzzle to me – those people were horrible, but they were also kind of interesting, entertaining… and I needed a company. But soon after I was drained, annoyed and felt used.

My advice – pick a person from a different group than before. i.e. promise yourself you won’t start friendship with people, who have a massive drama happening in their lives when you meet them. Don’t enter the role of a therapist. Check how much you give and how much the give. If the don’t give enough – withdraw.

  1. Have you ever heard of crabs in the bucket? If not, I will explain one of the crabs tries to get out of the bucket and all the crabs are like no, you’re not going anywhere. You’re stuck with us for life.

So, with that being said, you made it out and you just got to find the other people who go out of it. Just like you did. Once you find those people you will be happier than ever. I promised you will think that the past is just a dream. You wish that you could’ve done sooner. Yes, lonely for now. You will find more people like you later on. Be a hammer never pose as a nail, because you will get the hammer down no matter what. I wish you all the best.

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