- You sound like you truly care about this person. Unfortunately, they don’t, let alone “their” problems.Here’s a couple of things you could do:
Confront. Approach them directly, but be aware that this may end your friendship with them. Not that they shouldn’t hear the truth of their behavior, but rather the burden it has put on their friends’ shoulders, and hearts. Perhaps you may even discover, there really isn’t any “problem”, and they’ve manufactured one, for attention? Or, there truly is a problem, but they’re the kind of person who “constantly” needs someone else to do the work for them. Kind of like a “latch-key kid”?
Catch and Release. In other words, you continue to hold their hand, lending them support, and guidance, until you feel they’re capable of standing on their own two feet, and then let go. But you have to also step away from their “problem”, not the person. It’s okay to be there for “them”, just not their problem/situation. It’s hard to do sometimes, but if the other person doesn’t give a damn enough about their situation, let alone makes excuses for themselves, then why should you? You’re not walking away from them, you’re distancing yourself from their problem.
Caring about another, is what we, as a society, are supposed to do. But there are those that take advantage of it. And then we wind up caring more about their situations, than we do our own. These two options, that I’ve listed above, are the only ones, that I myself, have come to the conclusion, of using.
- You are not responsible for the feelings and behavior of anyone who has personal issues or is a toxic person. If a person decides to be stubborn and procrastinates and stalls then be assertive with them. Focus on the problem itself and not on the person.
It would be wise not to let their selfish attitude and rude behaviour affect you personally. I suggest that you be objective and detach yourself from them. Anyone who makes excuses and more excuses only desires to win an argument at your cost. Don’t play this game with them. Tell them that you can only think for yourself.
All you can do is set boundaries and lead by example. Do what you think is important for yourself and not cater to their demands and selfish needs.
3. For a start I would stop arguing with them about excuses. Then take responsibility to not allow what really does not concern you affect you in anyway. If you have to disconnect do it, but it’s up to you look after yourself. People have the right to be how they want, you can’t change that, but you can change how you react to their issues. The problem is that you want control and you know you can’t have it.
4. Since they don’t care for you, you must care for yourself. first, consider others when you have the energy and the time. if they were good, they’d ask you if you could help them change, get better.