If one cannot change a toxic environment around them, how can they learn to change how it negatively affects them?

  1. Briefly, though, I suggest you realize that You * Always have a choice as to how you are going to react to any situation. That is ESSENTIAL.
  • You have to realize that it is not what transpire out there or what people say to you what makes feel bad, but rather what you say to yourself about what is happening and what they are saying. Eleanor Roosevelt said: “Nobody can offend you without your consent.” Always keep that in mind when they say things to you that hurt.
  • You have to develop independence of mind. That means, you are going to have to be less dependent on their approval. You need to work to become independent of the good opinion of others in your life.
  • The result of that form of thinking is that you will learn to believe in what you think of yourself more than what they tell you about yourself. You have to work on improving your self-esteem and become a ”rock” of self -love when you are attacked or put down.
  • Finally, do whatever you can to get out of the toxic environment as soon as you can. That means, become financially independent, move out and move on. Stand on your own two feet. And form a family of your own that is not toxic.
  1. Nothing is perfect, not even the company of good friends. So we have defenses we use in various situations. Some people just put up a shield and fend off the whole word. Rather sad.

You might think that toxic places would wear you down, and they can. Some people say you have to tough. I don’t like that approach. I like the idea of being on a boat floating carefully through a mine field, not letting any of them touch the boat.

There are no good ways I know of to tell you how to do those things. What works for me may not work for you. There is a saying about not letting your work go home with you. When you are not in the toxic situation don’t think about it. You can focus on those things, like your parents fighting all the time, to the extent that you realize that you don’t want a relationship like that for yourself. Maybe you even see things that your parents should be doing to avoid the conflicts, and you store that for your own use later when you are a parent.

3. Hard to do but not impossible….just be in the area if is necessary. never be rude neither too nice just kind serious..do what you have to do and leave the area. If is family members …sets some boundaries and stick with hem. And always prepare yourself mentally because some days will be rough.

How do I deal with one of my bestfriends who keeps boasting about himself, dismissive and arrogant (Apparently he’s charming, helpful at sometimes and cherished by most of my other friends).when I try to correct him I end up being laughed at?

  1. Find a new set of friends and keep these at a distance.

The best medicine in life we never want to take it walking away.

Each and everyday we are all faced with tests, sometimes we fail sometimes we pass. When we fail we might be lucky to have it occur again in our lifetime to correctly handle this situation to have a chance to pass the test. We are lucky not to have to wait another lifetime for this! Haha.

Know your value and you are enough.

Even if you have to write it down,

I am worthy

Loyal

Humble

Caring

Compassionate

Do this exercise to see what amazing qualities you have.

Now write now what emotions you feel when you’re around them.

*If you really care about their friendship, let them know based off your notes “hey man you make me feel __ when you do this. Can’t you see we are like brothers I don’t want to fight with you” etc..

If the friends are still not making any small effort or say sorry man I didn’t know we were playing.. that is your cue to exit stage left. Nobody else is in charge of your life but you. You can change the scene, actors and yourself. (Change in a healthy manner if you know what I mean. And not actors but I hope you get what I’m trying to say).

  1. It’s not your responsibility to correct him. While you can tell him — quite truthfully and factually — that you don’t cherish him or find him charming, do you really think that will make anything better?

If you’re annoyed by him, put some distance between you. See him less often. If that’s not an option, stop confiding in him. Only talk about neutral topics which aren’t personal to either of you; work, the weather, a sports thing, a show, local events… you get the idea.

Here’s a sneaky thing I learned to do which people often don’t notice: I stop asking how they are and never tell them how I am. Of course self-centered people don’t care because they never cared, but it’s an effective distancing tool. “Hi! Did you happen to see (public thing)?” instead of “Hi, how’s it going?” grounds the conversation in the public thing, without handing them an opening to talk about themselves. Oh, they will talk about themselves anyhow, don’t kid yourself about that, but this way they have to work for it.

  1. Firstly you consider him a best friend but are you one of his? You sound like a groupie who puts him on a pedestal called “best friend” while he doesnt do the same and show you respect.

Second, he sounds like a jerk. Can be charming when he wants to be but under the surface he’s an a-hole. Laughs at his friends? Who does that? He doesnt accept criticism thinks hes above being corrected, so he blows you off. Nice guy.

People who boast, as Reed says, tend to be insecure and cover it up with bravado and macho behavior.
Those who boast a lot are people they feeling insecure inside. They keep on talking about them at length and some time along the exaggerated stories. If you are a good listener, they will consider you as your friend.

I met several such people in my life. I have somebody in my home who like to boast about them all the time. This habit is deep rooted and correction is not possible unless you have a deep influence in him/her.

  1. A narcissist does not want to be corrected. They are never wrong and are entirely full of themselves. You either accept this about him or stay away from him. Correcting him will never work. You can’t fix him, and it isn’t your place. All you can do is avoid him if he get’s on your nerves.
    From a distance, and with no emotional attachment. If a person is boasting about themselves, they probably have a sense of inferiority, which they try to bolster by praising themselves, and putting others down.
    whatever else is going on, he is not giving you good attention, he is not considerate enough.
    Look for other friends. He is not one.

I’m a bad person and I’m trying to do small deeds to make up for it, but I feel like it will never change who I am. What can I do?

  1. Firstly you should accept who you are! You are a wonderful person who is merely acting according to your own personality type. And we all differ in terms of our personality types, as determined by our date of birth, for example, and we are all born wonderful unique human beings.

At least you know a litlle bit of who and what you are – and that is good. But, sometimes the tool which we use to identify whether we are “bad” or “good,” is false, and that could create such sad and unnecessary feelings of guilt in a person, which if that false “yard stick” is removed, a person could live a happy life as a normal person, and just be him- or herself.

So, I have two questions for you: 1. How well do you know your own personality type, so as to know exactly who and what you are, and why you are whom and what you are? 2. How valid is the “yard stick” or “measuring tool” which you are applying to determine that you are a “bad” person? If it is not really valid, it is time to get rid of it.

Here is what to do:

  • Study your own personality type so as to meet, and get to know, the real wonderful you.
  • Study the “measuring tool” which you use to determine that you are “bad” and if it is false, throw it out, or replace it with a ore valid “measuring tool.”
    Remember, you are a unique and wonderful person. Do not try to change yourself just because other people think you should, or because you think that other people think you are “bad,” and should change.

2. It’s unfortunate that you feel this way. I think no one is incorrigibly bad. Let me share that in the Baha’i Faith, there is a prayer that mentions how God cannot be questioned in His doings – something like if He declares the north to be the south, it should be accepted to be the truth. In other words, if God Himself says you are bad, then that’s it for you. But God will not do that, I think. He will give you as many chances as you need to redeem yourself. That you are asking the question already shows goodness in you. So, pray, make self-analysis, and soon you will find yourself the best of who you can be. By the way, God is the ultimate Judge of your goodness, not you.

  1. If you are trying to better yourself than it is a good thing since all of us want to be better human beings.

Remember, if you are truly trying to be a better person that’s all God and the Universe wants from us. Stay true to your belief in what you can do to be who you are as a person that wants only to be a good individual to others which is what I too inspired to be.

All that you do in this life is rewarded in some ways not by those you treat kindly but by others that will pay it forward. Blessings to you.

4. Why do you think your a bad person? A lot of people who think there bad may just be good people put in bad situations. A lot of people including myself will often make bad choices that doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It’s great that your trying to do good deeds! You may benefit from a life coach or therapist. if non of this helps please tell me why you think your a bad person.

5. You don’t sound like a bad person. are you sure it’s not them treating you as though you’re bad? if you are not like someone, it’s likely they will dislike you, not your fault. Be thankful.

I am very insecure. Should I just accepted it?

  1. Everybody is insecure about something, some are just better at hiding their insecurities. Some of us look bad in clothes because we are either over or under weight, some of us are short, some of us were told our breath stinks like shit and now don’t go anywhere without gum, some of us were told we were tall and looked like a doofus, some people are pigeon toed, some people are flat footed, some are broke, some are too rich to pretend they are from the hood although they enjoy everything that is cool and authentic about being from the ghetto, some people sweat too much, some people’s asses stink all the time even after a shower an hour ago, some people have scratchy throats, some people are too loud, some people talk too soft, some of us our booties aren’t round enough, or your penis isn’t big enough, or you got a flat chest, some of our noses are pointy, some are like big greasy bell peppers, some of us have shitty cars, or bad places, some of us are dirty and lazy, some of us are ocd to a fault, everyone has been made to be insecure about everything. I say you should accept it, but also accept you aren’t alone. Everybody in this world is insecure about something, some are just better at hiding it.
  1. As someone who grew up very insecure about myself, I will share my experiences and hope this helps you.

I learned at the age of 16 by going to the gym I am capable of doing things. Prior to this I was overweight, had little to none confidence in myself, and never would push myself.

The key is to ask yourself, what is the first step I can take?

Going for a walk, will make us healthier and make us feel better.

Writing our thoughts in our journal makes us feel more clear-headed.

What makes you feel at ease? Do you have a support system that you can go to in times of trouble and stress?

Surrond yourself with those who make you a better person.

Establish small habits that make you feel better each day. Eating well, exercise, trying a new hobby even.

Changes happen over little actions taken each day. You don’t have to rush or race to become a new person. It will happen with each passing day as you try to better yourself.

  1. Short answer: As long you’re willing to make changes.

Long answer: As humans, we all have insecurities. And if someone tells you otherwise, they’re lying to your face. They’re insecure about their insecurities.

The fact that you recognized it, admitted not only to yourself but on a public platform like this shows me that you are willing to change. CHANGING FOR YOURSELF IS AND MUST ALWAYS BE #1 NO ONE ELSE. And I applaud👏👏👏👏👏👏 you for that. You’re doing good.

Socrates said for one to “Know Thyself”.

Get to know who YOU are, your likes and dislikes, set boundaries with yourself and others. It’s not going to be an easy process. It requires a lot of attention and Soul searching. Just remember this: The journey is going to be a tough one. But the destination will be so much sweeter.

  1. That’s up to you. Do you feel insecurity is a problem? Is it ruining your quality of life? If so, you should take steps to change it.

Keep in mind there’s no such thing as complete security in this world. We’re all human and dependent on our environment and other people to survive. Change is a constant and the things that make us feel secure can vanish overnight.

That said, you can work on developing your resilience and self-efficacy so you’ll be better able to cope with whatever happens in your life. There are plenty of books and videos available online to help you develop resilience and self-efficacy. That might be a good place to start if you want to feel more confident and secure.

5. You need to accept that fact, and to make a new personality. You can do that when you change your self-image. Self-image is your life script. You live and work by the rules and principles of your script. If you are insecure, the product of your personality is insecurity in every part of your life. You can confirm or change your script.

6. You only feel insecure cause you feel you don’t think you deserve whatever it is you have and that’s wrong you can’t think like that what ever happens to you good or bad means it’s met to be so instead of having second thoughts and running things just focus on what you have and make it work.

I can never seem to win. Every time I do something, it always blows up in my face and people always yell at me. How do I deal with this?

  1. Your situation is described using such generalities I would say there’s more going on that actual events literally failing “every time”. Let’s say, though that you’re experiencing a huge string of mishaps and failures – think about it, there are reasons. You’re asking what they are; well, we cannot know, because likely the answer lies in something you’re doing, not doing, decisions you or someone is making that is leading to poor results. It could also be a perception thing – a negative outlook that sees the bad vs things that are going right. Do you currently work, make money, pay bills and sleep in a house with clean water and heat in the winter and AC in the summer? Is your car running, are you free not in prison, not addicted to drugs, for example? Then something’s going right. Please provide more info to help the world out here listen and maybe provide more useful advice. Meanwhile, try to accept that bad things will happen, but try to avoid them, think and plan ahead, ponder situations, pray for wisdom from God to understand reasons behind failures. You will climb out of the abyss, I assure you. It may take a long time but keep trying learning and thinking. Here is an example of the humble squirrel whose perseverance can teach us a lesson – it’s long but power through it or forward, I have thought about the “terminator perseverance” of squirrels, ever since I watched it –

2. Tell them whatever you did was on purpose, now they’re yelling at you for no reason. If it didn’t make sense that what you did was on purpose and they question it. Just tell them you don’t care, yelling people are hard to understand.

3. It seems that your damned if you do and damned if you don’t therefore you should do what you feel is best for you and what feels right to you and for the rights reasons and intentions as you will never please everyone so stop trying to as it will not matter so much if you are pleasing yourself.

4. Stop playing the game. Be yourself, do what is necessary and what you want and forget everything else. I don’t know what you are referring to when you say, “every time I do something.” What are you doing? Maybe stop doing it for those who are going to yell at you.

5. Learn from the explosions, get better with each failure and fail faster. Ignore people yelling at you. Read about Edison’s experiments, many of his failure in the light bulb, became success for other inventions.

6. It could be that no one can bare the truth, that you shouldn’t complain about rude behavior. study the dynamics, the processes, the steps.