Why is it that I feel as if I am better than others but I still feel jealous?

  1. There could be so many answers to this and any one might or might not be the right one for you.

To be straightforward: you just need to grow up. And in order to do that you need to realize some things and accept them, and it can be an uncomfortable process.

If you are used to being pampered and of desirable traits while young, then having that status challenged can be what triggers your jealousy. Your need to keep things the way they were before because they were beneficial to you are what keeps you feeling this way. It’s great that you’re asking about it, now you just need to work on it. Since I don’t know what your aim and goal is (if you want to be popular by those standards, or if you just want emotional peace from it all) I’ll just answer with some assumptions.

A big part of the challenge to overcome this is to learn to accept that you are fine no matter what – and that the public depiction of what is desirable does not define you nor your worth. You can be great and loved in a community for example, without having 100k followers on instagram. You could be an impactful figure that has an effect on people’s lives and is remembered by people, without being popular and such. So it is important that you don’t validate yourself through those means and use them as means to compare yourself to others. You and any one of them will never be the same. It is all a naive ego in play, and it takes a conscious decision to let go of it.

An assumption I feel you might take fault with as well, is that you want to focus on yourself. Focusing on yourself is fine albeit it might be going against the purpose of this question – if you want to stop feeling jealousy, you need to stop looking at yourself all the time and compare yourself to others. Learn to let go and relax. Maybe also look at others and praise them for their achievement. Or be frank about them being better than you at something (if you still want to maintain your cool). It takes a lot to be a good person and to get peace with one self – being in touch with reality plays a big role in that.

To do any of that, try by learning to be humble (keyword: empathy). It’s a feat and a loved trait that cannot go wrong in terms of this. You might or might not still be the smartest or the most beautiful, but your friends can be your equals without you being any less smart or pretty. Take a reality check and maybe actually go out and try to figure out if those standards you apply to yourself still count. Standards change all the time, especially with age in youth. What you feel cannot be trusted – it’s what you can objectively observe that tells the truth. Many things don’t have a direct answer either, so some things you won’t be able to figure out that way – again, just learn to relax and let go of these matters. Be grounded and happy for your friends becoming successful. That way you might be a step ahead of them in terms of personal growth. Be humble and take a deep breath. Once you’ve gotten some distance from your ego, you can start working on useful skills and gaining knowledge that will help you gain superiority in the future – all with some of that humbleness carried with you all the time. You want to be great, but without hurting anybody in the process. Be patient and have tolerance.

You don’t want the best for yourself alone – you want the best for everybody.

2. I can totally relate to you here. I have felt the same way before, and I think I might have it figured out.

You feel you are better than others because in school you were always more beautiful and smarter than others. You were the best in these specific areas. You probably became conditioned to be the best all the time, in compared to everyone.

But now, you’re starting to realize that being the prettiest and the smartest is not as good as being the happiest. They seem so happy on their social media lives, you want that same happiness. You have seen that being the smartest doesn’t mean you are the most skilled, they apply makeup so well and are good at it.

Subconsciously I think you are aware that a happy person is an attractive person. You may feel as though you’re not actually the prettiest anymore. Being pretty was your thing, and now you’re coming in 2nd place, 3rd place. To you, being the best is your self-validation. It makes you different.

Everyone faces a little competition with others. But unfortunately you’ll never actually be better than someone else. Not prettier. Not smarter. Maybe taller, or thinner but that doesn’t mean better. With some soul searching you will learn that everyone is beautiful, and everyone is smart in their own way. Competition about being prettier and smarter is not healthy, because no one ever wins or loses.

It will take time, and it gets easier as you age. Maybe take a break from social media, and try taking up some yoga. Yoga is great for “connecting with your inner self”. It works like magic to find new self-confidence.

I hope you can overcome your insecurities one day. I know how these feelings can eat you up inside. Life is much better once you stop comparing yourself to others, and just focus on being happy, learning new skills, and helping others.

3. Some abstract truths are so obvious, that even hard science can crudely measure them in ways that deeply affirm them. The complements you received & the likes one receives on social media for the image presented signify status only science has confirmed. Not any depth of personal relationship. What good is status? It’s frequently used as a substitute for quality personal relations. Empathy is biological & needs to exercise to stay sane & happy. All morality, Love & positive socialization directly derive from it. You’re discovering status & authentic loving relationships are not the same & do not like it. Nor should you. Any genuine relationship that has respect & caring in it is a loving relationship. That includes sincere politeness extended to or from someone you hardly know. There is a certain amount of psychological laziness in us all. You’ve let status substitute for good relationships & are finding it hurts.

Are you confusing beauty (which is intrinsic) with prettiness? It’s one of many questions you need to start asking yourself. Jealousy is the result of feeling a lack inside yourself & looking for something outside yourself to fill it. It never, ever can. All happiness results from living your life from the inside/out. All misery comes from doing so mostly from the outside/in. This means you need to figure out who you are or nothing can ever truly make sense. Introspection & self-awareness are therefore nonnegotiable. There are neural pathways embedded in your unconscious composed of negative emotions. The good news is they can be rewritten. Consider it a sign to attend to the core principle underlying all Psychological heath – paying attention to your emotions as they come up & positively dealing with them. Doing so can resolve virtually all issues but it is very much like building a pyramid, building the strong base on which to build a life sometimes goes up slowly – but soon enough it goes up very quickly indeed.

Here’s the most powerful operating principle in life & then how it’s powerfully affecting you here – What you focus on expands.* The more you focus on these negative feelings the more they expand & the more you attract & magnetize still more – in addition to feeling horrible & frequently as well.

* One must always focus on the beauty in everyone & everything you encounter – then that expands. Done with intense creativity & passion in particular. Always but always.

4. You are likely used to the good feeling of being superior to your peers by your level of attractiveness and intelligence. In some ways you may set high standards for yourself and expect yourself to be better than others. Perhaps it might be helpful to remember that life is not a competition. Instead, it’s about reaching our potential and helping others get to the top along with us. The notion of being superior to others seems satisfying, but it can be rather lonely and unsatisfying to be standing at the top all alone. Life is meant to be shared and happiness is about building relationships and memories with others, but this can’t be achieved if your focus is on being ahead of everyone else. Focus on being the best you. How can you improve you? Can you be more courteous, more patient, and kinder? Always strive to improve yourself so that you can be satisfied with you!

Because you really don’t think you are better than them. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be jealous. Use makeup if that makes you feel better and get off of social media until you feel confident in yourself. Truly feel it, not just tell yourself that you are better. Create the life that you are jealous of.

5. Don’t worry, we all feel jealousy.

Jealousy, fear and anxiety are feelings that blow up any little negative event out of proportion. To combat them, you must bring a reality check. Every time you feel jealous, anxious or depressed, always combat the exaggerated thought with reality.

For example: That person has so much more friends…or whatever.

Reality: He/she is probably faking it or she genuinely is nice and goes out of the way to have friends. An approach which you may not like.

However, if you genuinely find a fault with yourself, rectify it.

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