Is it a form of entitlement when people refuse to change their opinions once they’ve been all but confirmed as false?

  1. Your question is very reflective of the current sociopolitical climate here. This is the absolutely first time I have found it completely impossible to have a mature political discussion no matter which position I choose to take.

As the question pointed out accurately, an opinion needs no “facts” to be formed and stated.

If what someone was saying is absolutely factual, and has empirical evidence which is indisputable it is no longer an opinion. Yet to see people actually lose control and argue their “opinion” as IF it were a fact and begin degenerating to personal insults and name calling like two 8 year olds on a playground is disheartening.

I believe this is in regards to the political and social upheaval that you ask this question, and I commend you leaving out any specific position.

Currently the “facts” or the “proof” one side uses against the other are themselves highly suspect.

For the past year and a half if someone wants to talk about politics I have started the discussion the same way.

I’ll ask if they believe that there is ANY media that calls themselves a “NEWS” organization that does NOT have an agenda and tailors their “reporting” to fit their agenda. That their “facts” can be fully trusted to be unbiased and accurate.

I’ve yet to have a single person that didn’t fully agree with this observation as being accurate.

Yet when the discussion begins and I offer an opposing opinion to theirs they will begin to offer up the “facts” in support of their opinion.

At which time I simply ask where their facts came from. You already know what they say.

This is the point I must disengage in the discussion, letting them know it’s pointless to use “facts” that they admitted comes from sources they said are biased and can’t be fully trusted.

I didn’t want to pull politics into my response, but the way the question reads it is what I hear far too often from either side of the discussion when BOTH claim to have the facts and each sees the other as being brainwashed or blind to the lies they believe.

If you’re not referring to asking a person to change their opinion, just to embrace someone else’s opinion then there are many reasons someone will choose to hang on to theirs. The most common is a closed mind.

Facts can’t penetrate a closed mind. Yet people are beginning to close their minds based upon opinions only, in droves, and that is tragic.

2. I wonder, haven’t you ever heard the expression “Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion”?

No. The answer is no. In any case it’s nothing like the kind of entitlement people disparage lately. That tends to be people who feel “entitled” to what they don’t have.

An opinion is 100% one’s own creation, one’s own production, one’s own. Yes, you are entitled to the productions of your body, mind and self. It’s a creation made typically with some ingredients from the world, what others’ think, some observation and inspection maybe, and accepted for whatever reason.

It’s not entitlement as much as the surest purest right we’ve got: we have a right to think. To decide for ourselves. Our reason, our judgment. It’s not entitlement so much as TA-DA!

Self-ownership.

And if you think anyone owes you agreement, ever? Or owes you their “changed mind”? Or owes you their concession of defeat and a victory laurel to the winner? You’re the entitled one, chief.

Learn to respect autonomy. You are not owed anyone’s agreement, regard, attention, company or any greater gift of self. Learn the purpose of argument. It’s not agreement. Not winning. Not scoring points. Not proving self-right or the other wrong. Not “changing minds.”

Its understanding. It’s coming to understand how the other sees their view fits with reality. And it’s offering to the other how you see yours fits.

Sometimes what we reach is not agreement. Sometimes, we find out why we will not agree. We have made sense of our disagreement. Sometimes, it isn’t even that the other’s wrong. It’s that fundamentally, we don’t share the same values and priorities.

Sometimes, though, it is that the other’s wrong.Sometimes they’re dead wrong. Well, that’s not really your problem. You just make the best appeal to human reason you can, for something you believe they should recognize. And you lay it before their judgment.

And they shall judge. They shall decide. “Entitlement” is beside the point. They’re the only one deciding their mind. Of course it is theirs to decide.

Some people suck at convincing anybody. Other people might be decent at it if they didn’t come off like a butt head antagonist whose only goal is prove self-right, you wrong, score points and win. Oh, and “change minds” – but never their own mind, you’ll notice. Some peoples’ arguments simply fail. Unconvincing on basis and merit.

But some peoples’ arguments fail because of a frankly incompetent sales job. Hostile, belittling, superior – entitled. Think you owe them something. Hint – your agreement. If you think people owe you recognition of any case you make, that entitled petulance is probably seeping into your whole attitude and pitch. Little ways of everything you say, undermining your case. It doesn’t help.

Anyway it’s false. Their entitlement to their own opinion is absolute true, 100%, but it’s not the kind of wishy-wanna grabby-Getty “entitlement” you’re talking about. Its full title and sole claim of proprietorship. Theirs by right of possession. Whereas your entitlement to their agreement is the kind people disparage. It is false. 100% this is something you do not have. This is something they do not have to give you. Get that straight, you’ll give better.

Anyway. I’m not really saying anything you don’t already know, I hope. I’m just saying’.

3. This question is unhinged, it hangs on two wrongs.

  • It is not possible to “confirm” an “opinion” as “false” unless the speaker brings up verifiable facts; these facts then can be proven either correct or incorrect; example: “The Beatles made the greatest music ever!” – What is there to verify? It is just the speaker’s personal opinion so there is no ground to prove it false. Their neighbor might assign this same merit to The Rolling Stones.
    Then a second neighbor says: “The Beatles are the best-selling music act of all time!” And they are right for there exists measurable data to substantiate that statement.
  • Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, which means that everyonehas the “right” to phrase their subjective point of view on any issue. Now the term “entitlement” has more than one definition, among them “privilege”. However, because holding an opinion is not some “privilege”, bestowed upon the happy few, the term “entitlement” is ill chosen (or even incorrect) in this context.

I would recommend the Wikipedia page on “opinion”, it provides excellent information, among other details, the various types of “opinions”:

An opinion is an opinion so I’m not too sure what you mean when you say confirmed as false. A fact or a statement can be false. But an opinion is more so a person’s idea about something and is not really relying on facts too much. So, to answer your question I would say no it is not a form of entitlement. I see how you may think that a person would change their viewpoint when presented with convincing reasons to do so but this is where it can get complex. It can be complex because oftentimes a person’s opinion or viewpoint rely on a totality of that person’s life experiences and their life experiences will often play a strong role in why they have the opinions that they have. Are these opinions fixed and never changing? Not exactly, because a person is capable of change, often times self-inspired change. But these opinions are more of a rigid and not very flexible way.

Its denial of their own false perception that causes them to refuse to change. A good example is the “only child” syndrome. As children they are never compared to others siblings, usually spoiled, never learned to share, they were always the one being rewarded, these actions give the child a sense that they must be right. This becomes the norm. The norm becomes the child’s core belief. This is a type of magical thinking which leaves a child in fantasy land. As adults this “magical thinking” causes denial of anything outside of their fantasy. So it’s not so much entitlement of having to be right but lack of comprehending what is right.

Sounds like denial of the evidence in favor of blind faith. Probably because it fee eels good to them, despite it being a delusion 🙂

People are often too afraid to change their views because their afraid of possibly burning in hell for eternity, etc. It is denial because that’s what I felt for so long even after I had confirmed myself to be wrong.

Even for a while after realizing there isn’t sufficient evidence for God, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it in my heart that there was no God. I was actually too afraid because there was always this thought in the back of my mind, like “what if I’m wrong and I go to hell for this?” Then it wasn’t until I gained more knowledge and wisdom that I was finally able to let go of my denial and admit there’s no reason to even believe in a hell or any of the thousands of Gods out there.

I needed to find new information and evidence in order to finally accept it, as there was some cognitive dissonance there that was making it harder to move on.

This method works for any negative thoughts or beliefs actually, because usually there is some dissonance there between the head and the heart. This can be overcome.

4. Was asked, but not sure what to answer…

Is it a form of entitlement to expect people to change their opinions because they’ve been proven wrong?

Thing is… We can see entitlement wherever we want, we can see the absence of it wherever we want… At the end of the day, it’s a question of perception and opinions, they’re both deeply subjective and even were we to remove part of the subjectivity by saying that facts prove that person to be wrong, I still feel they can believe whatever they want. Some great discovery in history were made by people refusing to change their minds when everyone else told them they were false. It might not be the case in the specific situation described in the question, but then again, who are we to judge them. Eventually, if they feel like it, they’ll transform their point of view.

Entitlement implies a sense of being due things that they had not earned and had no rights to.

As others have pointed out an opinion has nothing to do with fact or being right or wrong.

The only way those two things would be connected is if the opinion was that they were entitled to something that they had not earned. If you have proven that the person had no rights to those things and they still maintained that opinion then, yes, that would be a false sense of entitlement.

I hope that makes some sense and helps you out.

No, it’s a form of psychological insecurity. Admitting being wrong undermines a person’s sense of self to the extent that they will avoid the uncomfortable experience of having to change a long held opinion. That’s why rather than acknowledging the validity of the new found correct information they redirect the conversation to an instance where they are correct or they attack the source of the new information. Some folks just feel diminished when they find themselves to be in the wrong and will fight to avoid that feeling. Life is mostly about how you feel in the moment and nobody likes to be made to feel bad about themselves.

How can I overcome guilt of lying? I’m in a very serious relationship with a girl and lied to her about my past (academics). I sometimes feel like telling her, but that would hurt her badly and probably she’ll leave me. Should I tell her?

  1. Truth is the base of any relationship, but here’s a funny thing.

When we start dating someone we lie about lot of things because we’re not sure about other person, we just want to impress them. So from the way you phased your question it’s quite evident you’re sure about the girl now and want to take the relationship one step further.

Guilt is the result of that “desire to take relationship one step ahead”.

If you are ready you can tell your girlfriend about the truth and leave rest for God, destiny, fate whatever you believe in.

I want you to remember one thing “uncertainty is the only certain thing in life, you might hide this one thing now and live in guilt but maybe few years later some other thing would come up and she might leave you, so it’s better to take chance now, don’t live in fear. Living in fear is the ultimate death for any human. Be free and live. Everything happens for a reason”.

In my opinion, tell her. Admit it. You won’t feel better unless you do that. If she loves you truly for your heart, then she won’t care about what academic achievements you have (that’s just a 45% chance. But that’s more than enough.) If she just fell for you for your achievements alone, then I would say that she isn’t a very good lover (no offense intended).

Just break it to her slowly. She might be a bit hurt. That’s obvious. But don’t keep it from her and inflate the balloon any longer. If you do, in the end, you’ll regret it for sure when it pops. It’ll be even harder then.

Now even if she reacts badly and leaves you (I hope and pray that she won’t), just have in mind that it just wasn’t meant to be. My best wishes with you.

2. You need to tell her as the longer the lie exists the more damage it will do when found out. I would simply admit it but with the explanation that I found her so attractive that I would have told her I was secretly Superman if I thought that would help me win her. Tell her she is such an amazing woman and you felt that your life could simply not be fulfilled without her. Tell her you are ashamed of yourself for telling such a lie but your heart made you do it and the time you have spent with her made it worth the risk. If you do it right she might be flattered and will laugh at your Superman comment. If the room suddenly fills with pistol smoke I think you may be in trouble.

  • I would suggest you to let her know about everything .It’s true, that we fear losing people whom we love, but what kind of a love is it when there is no transparency between two people? It is always better to tell the truth than to comfort people with lies. Guilt will suck you with each passing day, but confrontment would bring you relief and contentment.

So, go speak your heart out and if, she loves you as well, she may get upset at first, but would understand for sure.

What is the best way to treat people who continuously find fault with everything you do?

  1. It depends on every person and the situation.

If you are living with this person on your own choice, as if it’s a partner, then end it. You can try talking to them first, explain to them why their behavior hurts you, how it makes you feel and if it’s necessary tell them that you can’t live with that so either they change or you’ll leave.

And if they keep the behavior just leave and don’t look back.

Now if you don’t have a choice, if this is a relative or friend you must live with due the situation, there are other things you can do. Just like before you can try talking to them about it. I had a similar problem with my father and when it became too much I talked to him, told him what he was doing and how I felt. He was angry at the beginning, he became very defensive, but he started trying to change. Of course you also must have patience, the person won’t stop the behavior in a day, but if they are willing to change themselves be patient but no submissive, call them out when they do it again, but let them know you understand they are trying and you appreciate that.

But if the person doesn’t believe they are at fault, are not willing to change or there’s something that prevents you from even talking about it, then you must keep a constant check on yourself.

Be critical of yourself but not pessimist, you have the right to disagree and trust your own opinion. Ask yourself if this person’s opinion on you really matters. Do not let their opinion have a hold on you. You have no obligation to please anyone. With time you might learn to ignore what they say.

But that’s a constant battle, so if possible do what you can to distance yourself from this person and live somewhere else away from them.

2. Oh the insufferable pessimist! That critical, negative, heavy piece of concrete that pisses in everyone’s cornflakes!

Well…depends on your circumstances and who you’re talking about.

If it’s someone close…I usually start to walk away…exit the room and while walking I say, “maybe one day, you’ll have something positive to say about someone or something!” But in any case, I do make some comment to let them know that their constant negativity and criticism isn’t going to be tolerated and in the worst cases, I have suggested they seek professional counselling for their attitude…their judgmental arrogance. It’s not acceptable, not normal and if not brought to their attention they’ll end up alone and bitter. So…you can help? Or you can hinder? It’s your choice.

3. What is the best way to treat people who continuously find fault with everything you do?
With distance. Put as much distance as you can between you and the fault finder. They are not worth your time or effort. Sometimes, that fault finder is a parent, and that’s a lesson in reverse psychology–“How not to be a parent.”
Example: Take what the boor says and reverse it. “You are not pretty like your sister.” Answer, “You are correct, I’m much prettier than she is.” If you have been around this jerk long enough, you will know their scheme and way of being destructive. You can plan your answers/replies in advance.
But the best thing to do is not be around them. With friends like this, who needs enemies?

How do I stop feeling so guilty about lying to someone close to me without telling them I lied?

  1. Think about the reason why you lied in the first place.

If you had a good reason and there was no other way, you should find solace in that.

If you didn’t need to lie or you feel that lying only compromised your value system, then consider telling the truth now. But if it’s too late then make the decision to not lie anymore in the future.

It depends on context. But lying takes its toll on you and you can’t feel at ease when you are hiding things from someone that is close to you. The best thing to do is to use this as food for thought to decide on how you want your relationship to be with that person and how “close” you actually want to be with him/her.

Being close and being untruthful don’t mix. And the one who suffers most in the end is you.

2. It may be very difficult for you to stop feeling guilty unless you tell this person the truth. In my opinion, it’s never too late to be honest. If this person is truly close to you as you said, they should understand, even if they’re hurt or angry at first. It’s completely up to you whether you want to tell them, but I think that it would provide you the relief that you’re looking for.

I know it’s really embarrassing when we confess to a lie, but that is really a small price to pay for being able to rid ourselves of guilt feelings.

If that person doesn’t understand what you’re going thru and the integrity of your truth-telling, he or she wasn’t that good a friend in the first place.

But regardless, when you do this you will feel a great sense of release.

3. We are all humans. And being humans we do make mistakes. What best we can do is to learn from that and avoid a repeat. Guilt can never help you to move forward or help change the past. So, stop the self-sabotage.

Do you really want to know, you feel guilty because the person you told the lie to is now living the lie, they are going along as if it was true and not thinking about it, they believe you and you are ashamed because they think they know you but they don’t and its because you hid from them, you can squash this whole thought if you can grasp the dynamics but my question is if you care about them don’t you really want them to know you, the whole you and see if they still care about you? Otherwise you are lying to yourself about your own reality.

Make up some super-fantastic reason to explain your behavior, ending with “I can understand if you want rid of me”, and send it to them

Or, blame the ‘other you’ in your head? Or, tell the promise you have made to the world to never lie again.

Is it my fault that I believe the best about people and then they take advantage of me?

  1. Partly it can be, if you noticed “red flags” or didn’t have your boundaries enforced or strong enough. Sometimes, we tend to give people the “benefit of the doubt” and put our trust in them too quickly, before really taking the time to get to “know” the person. I have made this very same mistake and was “afraid to speak up”, in fear of losing them. I ended up chasing after them, acting “clingy” and probably scared them away. I even acted like I didn’t “need” them. And I was only lying to myself.

My heart…said and knew something totally different. We make mistakes. We judge their actions towards us. We want to “blame” them. We get hurt by them. Sometimes, we want to hurt them back, so they can “know” the pain that we felt. We let our emotions cloud our brains. We do things that we aren’t proud of.

But we shouldn’t do that. Getting revenge will NOT make you feel better. People can get used, because they haven’t had enough experience in life. It just means that you have a good heart and you trusted “blindly”. Them taking advantage of your heart or your kindness…says something about “THEM” as well. If they cared about you at all…they should have been honest and truthful with you, instead of taking advantage of you.

So just forgive them and forgive yourself for trusting in someone too quickly. Look for the “red flags and enforce your boundaries from now on, and people won’t be able to make you feel “used” anymore. Be patient with yourself, and don’t feel bad about making the mistake. It was a “lesson” that you learned, and it will help you from now on, as you go forward. It’s all about making mistakes, learning lessons, maturing and growing, forgiveness and showing yourself compassion. Learn how to tell people “NO” sometimes, and you will see that they won’t be able to “use you” or take advantage of you anymore.

2. Believe me, it won’t last forever.

Someone in your past has wired you to be sub-servant, believe what you have been told, give people the benefit of the doubt and be kind to everyone. Slowly over time you will realize, people only respect people who have something they want. That a respected person can be as rude and insulting as they want, because of this.

That 95% of people are rude and think only of themselves. That you must not judge your lovely morals on other people. That there are people who give and people who take. Generally if someone is a taker, they take in all aspects. That people believe what they want too, regardless of the truth. That even when you are kind to some, they will steel your pension/jewelers. That you will be called weird and strange, by weird and strange people. Slowly as you get older, your 300 Facebook friends will be whittled down to three actual true friends.

That you will dislike most people and they totally get on your nerves. You may even go through life feeling suicidal, because everyone is being a shit to you, for no reason. You will be made to feel worthless, but you are not. The universe cares and you care. Let everyone else be the pathetic, spoilt, and full of shit, back stabbers. You don’t want to be and you don’t have to be.

Advice is: – Go by a person’s actions, not by the pretty words they sell. Don’t feel bad about being disliked. Most people are shit. Unfortunately we have to bear the 99, to meet the 1 nice one.

It is not your fault or let alone a fault to believe the best about people. It is a quality that needs to be harnessed so be a bit more observant of others and decide as soon as possible of what you tolerate and do not tolerate of being taken advantage of. As long as you are not disadvantaged in any ways, let them take advantage of you.

3. Absolutely. Since the day you are born into the world, you find out sooner or later, that most people are not sincere with you. They use you, then they kick you. This cycle never ends until the day you cut out fearlessly from giving yourself to people’s crumbs. Worthless crumbs. You were always giving your best while they were giving you their least. You showed a lack of experience and judgment. It does not mean that you were wrong in showing goodness and kindness to people. You were showing it to the wrong people expecting your generosity to be recompensed with at least some sort of gratefulness, and I believe from my point of view, that is why you asked the question.

That’s fine to view people optimistically, but you have to smart about it. Most people will take advantage of others without even realizing their doing it. You wouldn’t give someone a blank check and tell them to fill it out for whatever amount they needed, because they probably would, after all, you told them to. So make up some boundaries and hold others to them. And don’t wait them crash through them before you sense danger.