Can you be relatively satisfied with a partner who lacks empathy?

  1. I cannot, CAN NOT, cannot be with someone who cannot see my point of view and empathize.

The ability to empathize is the key to a successful relationship:

• Without it, you are incapable of forgiveness and moving forward. Empathy is required to understand and forgive the irony of the human condition and our mistakes that are borne from that humanness.

• Emotional and mental intimacy will also be low if you cannot empathize with your partner’s pain or frustration, or moments of success and celebration.

• Empathy is a foundation for respecting one’s partner and not using their vulnerabilities against them. Without empathy a person is not capable of seeing a person as an individual with their own set of boundaries and values.

• Low empathy – there is a low need to accommodate other people’s interests and preferences; “everyone is, or should be, like me!” Accommodation of needs and compromise are part of a healthy connection.

• Low empathy have a diminished capacity for sincere apology; they often don’t understand the impact of their hurtful behavior. Without that insight, remorse and guilt for wrong doings is also low. Repairing trust is also low.

It’s just not do-able. The person may be wonderful in other areas, but I cannot live without a mutual sense of empathy for one’s partner/loved one.

2. Maybe there is someone out there who can. This would be a pretty insensitive person themselves.

Is it possible to be satisfied with a person who cares nothing about your needs or feelings, nothing about your well-being, your career, your children’s well-being, whether or not you or they continue to have a roof over your heads or food to eat? Is it possible to be satisfied with a partner who sabotages everything you do because she/he must keep you down in order to feel superior? Who lies to you about everything, angles to leave you at home for all social events so that she/he can hit on someone else? Who lies about you and smear campaigns you to all your shared associates? Who will eventually treat you with pure disdain, silent treatment and mockery if you make any gesture of communication whatsoever?

Can you be relatively satisfied with that?

If you are going to be alone, anyway, wouldn’t you be more satisfied with your life if someone was not lying to you, cheating on you, lying about you, smearing you, sabotaging you, mocking you, silent treating you?

I suppose if you are impervious to all of that, including what the people in your life, and at your job, and your children, think of you, you could be relatively satisfied with a person who lacks empathy.

3. Relatively satisfied, that leaves a lot of room for dissatisfaction that could last years if it is a long term relationship.

I would say no. Empathy is at the crux of so many details in our lives, our viewpoints, our values, our goals, how we educate, how we parent, how we care for our family or friends when they get sick or old.

I also wonder if there is really a grey area with empathy. It seems to be that people either display it as a habit, or they do not. The ones that do not seem to display genuine empathy, try to fake it.

It is hard not to see through it, I think. It does leave a lot to be desired, and you know the saying, life is really too short. It also depends on what your values are and how much it bothers you, or not.

  • No. I could not. There are certain things I value above most other things. Kindness, Grace, Humility, are just a few. A person who lacks empathy could never possess these qualities. Not only would I not be satisfied, I would be so uninspired that if I stayed ( even for a time) it would start to affect me to the point that I would no longer be able to even inspire myself. I know this, because it happened to me. And once I found not only my inspiration once again, I found myself but in a different way. A better way. I became a better version of myself and I remembered all the things I liked about myself that I forgot for a minute.
  • Healthy Relationships require protection, caring, concern, love, affection which is true in nature. Someone who lacks empathy is unable to produce these energies, so what you’re left with is someone who is PRETENDING when they no longer feel like PRETENDING you will be thrown away like trash and replaced. Until they get bored and want to return to you so they can do it all over again, not for a second putting your feelings into perspective or consideration. To answer your question NO although many will try in the face of DENIAL.

4. The answer is no. But that does not mean that I would drop the conversation or leave him. Sometimes, people can have some real problems. The kind that is rooted to the unconscious that causes him to be cold and indifferent to others. I think I know a person like this. A lack of empathy can send one the chills. We begin to think that the person does not really care or is outright rude. But it is such a pity sight. You don’t want to know how much pain that person must have been through to be what he is.

  • When the person you really care about doesn’t give a damn about you your feelings pour out of you and fall in the dirt in front of you.

When somebody doesn’t have any empathy it is not that you sit down in despair trying to work out what is wrong, it is that they come back and kick you when you are down because you are thinking about it and not just doing what they want that really hurts.

  • Empathy, or being able to understand and share feelings with another, is a sign of someone who has let go of some or all of the negative issues of being self-centered.

A successful relationship is based on shared core values, and one of these is how we view the world. If we are focused on the self, this is a clear barrier to a harmonious relationship.

The Buddhist core values focus on helping others find happiness, and this requires the wisdom of empathy.

Why do people have tendencies to hurt others?

  1. Twenty out of twenty responses, each of which resorts to some sort of natural scientific materialist answer from psychology or mind science. Never before have people been so spiritual blind and ignorant. I guarantee that any higher-level witch knows that demons or evil spirits are involved. People have been indoctrinated to believe lies.

Here is how this world works: Witches cast spells. Lying spirits are sent out while information sources controlled by witches promote these same lies so that doctrinal conformity to witchcraft lies is created which peer pressure then serves to reinforce and enforce. All of this is designed to create a state of spiritual blindness in the society by establishing a worldview that is limited. Then when someone has spiritual experiences, and everyone does, though these can be limited by controlling people through fear and hard physical, mental or intellectual labor whereby spiritual experience is avoided because people are too busy working hard to merely survive. Don’t you know that even the emotions we experience come from our spiritual being? Isn’t it obvious that these are not physical pains or pleasures or feeling? How can love or hate or anger or peace, comfort or security be defined by the five physical senses? Do you not see how ridiculous it is to believe these spiritual emotions are somehow caused by physical sensations?

Then when a person hears thoughts they did not will, why does a person not realize that (s)he did not will or initiate these thoughts or ideas? How does anyone not know that spiritual voices are speaking to the person?

Of course, psychology’s explanation is that anyone who hears such voices or thoughts must be crazy, right? Well, everyone hears these voices, so everyone is insane, then, right? Well, we do live in an insane world because people reject spiritual truths and try to fabricate these naturalistic explanations to explain them away, but it doesn’t work because they don’t go away. Not believing in spiritual beings in no way prevents a person from hearing these spiritual voices and thoughts that influence them, and not believing in these spiritual beings does not prevent these evil spirits from projection fear into them and thereby controlling their behavior.

With the vast majority of the population indoctrinated into these false worldviews, anyone now speaking the truth is labeled, rejected, avoided, perhaps even locked up somewhere to prevent others from being influenced and learning the truth. Thereby is this simplistic and limited worldview propagated and promoted while its dissidents are controlled and prevented from having a voice even though the spiritual worldview is the only logical explanation that explains people’s actual experience. Unfortunately, people’s limited worldviews have limited their thinking to these illogical psychological explanations that don’t really explain anything, but only pretend to.

For example, how does psychology explain unreasonable thoughts and behavior or insanity itself? It doesn’t. It has no good explanation for such things at all. How does it explain the voices a person hears in his or her head? The same circular explanation — insanity, which explains nothing. How does psychology explain suicide or other self-destructive tendencies or behaviors? Evolution? I’m hurt, so now I want to hurt myself more. How is that an explanation? I’m hurt, so now I wish to hurt others, so I can have company for my misery and we can all die together. Is that a reasonable explanation? How gullible are we supposed to be? Extremely gullible, obviously.

Well, some few of us know better than this. Why? Because we have met God. High level witches know, too, not because they have met God but because they have met demons and fallen angels. Witches travel through the spiritual realm and sometimes even through Satan’s dark kingdoms. They operate as Satan’s agents on earth here to steal, kill and destroy, to carry out the devil’s work among humanity, and it is these evil spirits sent out through spells by witches that influence and control people’s behavior to cause people to hurt other people. It is the demons controlling the person, always the mind, but sometimes even the body without the person’s awareness of what is happening. This is called full demonic manifestation or total possession, and this explains certain murders committed by a person’s body without the person who owns the body being aware of the experience or event.

The Christian worldview recognizes humans as very complex and as being composed of three parts, not two as witchcraft teaches and not just the physical as modern psychology tries to collapse everything into the physical domain:

We do seem to be bombarded with thoughts and emotions on a continual basis, but recognize that our own thoughts originate in the mind, which is located within the human soul, not the brain. The soul is one of three components of our being — spirit (has potential access to the highest spiritual dimensions through intermingling with God’s Holy Spirit or with other spirits), soul (In the spiritual dimension where our true spiritual self is currently located), body (physical dimension where our physical bodies are. Thus, as we grow spiritually and overcome evil powers we gain more spiritual authority and access to higher spiritual abilities and higher spiritual influence and authority, and perhaps even gain access to higher spiritual dimensions.). The body is the outer shell or house, as the demons call it, for the soul, while the soul houses the human spirit which can be energized, enlightened, inflamed by the Holy Spirit or by other foreign invading spirits called demons, which redirects a person toward the light from the spiritual kingdom of darkness or demonic kingdoms.

All thoughts and/or emotions we receive do not come from self, only those thoughts we initiate and only those emotions plucked (because emotions are spiritual frequencies that emanate from our heart strings) by actions we perform or events or circumstances we experience. Thoughts and emotions can be projected toward us by spiritual beings, and we do hear their communications (which we generally call telepathic because spiritual communication does not require physical sound vibrations) just as emotions can be projected at us which will also resonate with our heartstrings, but when such thoughts or emotions are projections that do not originate from within we can reject them. We do not have to accept them as true or acceptable for us. If we do this, then we will feel them but they will not persist long, because we then go about our business behaving in a contrary manner to these thoughts and/or emotions which we have received, and our minds and emotions will then respond with the thoughts and emotions generated by our actions and the circumstances created thereby.

We can also choose to be still, to not think and to not emote. By thus remaining still, we put ourselves in a spiritual place of peace and of receptivity to hear from the Holy Spirit or other spirits. Then we need to exercise spiritual discernment to distinguish the source to know whether to receive or reject these communications or the emotional message content we receive. We must learn to distinguish between self and other if we are to be spiritually healthy, and most people have not learned to do this.

Self is not my physical body. That is just the container (or house) for my soul, which is the real me. I am a spiritual being. When I die my soul will depart from this body, so it is the real me. Therefore, when I will to speak or to act, this is my soul purposing or willing to perform this action. Whatever I (my soul) does not will, then, does not originate with me. I should not own or identify with some thought or action that is not mine! I must, then recognize that any thought or action that I do not will comes from a source other than me, and is a projection from some other spirit. In common parlance, we call this a communication, not a thought, because this is something received by my spiritual ears, not something I have spoken, not something that has originated in my will.

People who are not spiritually healthy get confused and make the mistake of believing that these projections from other spirits originate within oneself. This is probably because they do not believe or do not understand that we are spiritual beings in physical bodies, and that spiritual beings are all around us that we do not perceive with our physical senses trying to communicate with us in order to control us. We can, however, perceive this spiritual world when we “walk in the spirit,” our human spirit united with the Holy Spirit of God, which is when we crucify the flesh through fasting and prayer and by walking with God.

God does not control us, but evil spirits try very hard to do so. God will work with us if we allow Him to do so. If not, He does not impose His will upon us. Evil spirits do impose and do deceive, because that is the only way anyone would ever accept their control and allow them to interfere in their lives. If we actually saw these evil spirits in their truly horrible forms we would never come under their influence or allow them to manipulate us.

2. Is this something that seems to be prevalent in humans? I am not aware of that is it is. When I think about this happening and try and put myself in that position, I think of it this way. I know that I have been hurt by people and sometime very much, I have never been able to strike out but I did have the desire to. The emotion that I felt seems to come from a simple reaction to want to hurt back, I wanted to see them taking the emotion blow that I felt and see their face so to make them understand how I felt. My few lame attempts have actually been just that-lame. And never gave me any of the satisfaction that I thought I would feel. So the only answer I have the experience to be able to give you is the tendency to hurt others would come from a need to lash back at someone who has hurt them. To compare some of the things that I have read about people doing to others, it seems like there has been some horrendous amount of hurt inflicting on others. (SIDE NOTE: If this is a snowball effect it certainly explains some of the things that happen in our world, doesn’t it?)

  • The primary reason people have a tendency to hurt others is unstopped revenge.

Revenge is a negative emotion you feel when you’re harmed by a rule breaker – somebody cuts you off in traffic, a co-worker spreads gossip about you, a neighbor wakes you with noisy parties late at night. You keep feeling revenge’s negative effect until you retaliate against the rule breaker.

In many situations, victims cannot retaliate – the rule breaker is their boss or parent, for example. In these situations, the victim keeps feeling revenge’s negative effect on an ongoing basis.

People feeling unstopped revenge try to stop it by retaliating against others. The classic example is the man who has a boss who is mean to him on a daily basis. The man cannot retaliate and stop his revenge because he will lose his job. Instead, he takes it out on his family when he gets home.

Bullies and pet abusers are motivated by unstopped revenge. They pick victims who cannot fight back.

What are the common mistakes to be avoided in negotiation?

  1. Don’t say too much and give away your position. Ration your words and never offer TMI (Too Much Information). Don’t go too fast. Be deliberate and take time to think.

2. It’s well-known advice that “he who talks first” loses in negotiation. This isn’t 100% true. It would be more accurate to say:

He/she who talks too much, loses.

Discovery is of upmost importance in negotiating. You can’t learn their needs if you’re blabbing about yourself. Instead, you need to ask pointed, direct questions, and pay close attention to their response.

Here’s an example:

Them: Your price is too high.

You: What do you typically pay for this?

Them: $3,000, which is why we can’t do your $4,000.

You: What do you usually get with that?

Them: A six-month guarantee and discounted support services.

You: How important is that support to you?

Them: Very. It’s helped us get through some challenging situations.

You: I see. Our product comes with a 2-year guarantee and free support. Would you say that support is worth the extra $1,000?

Them: Maybe not that much. We only spend $750 on it now.

You: I could work with that, though we might have to bring down the guarantee period.

Them: Sounds reasonable.

By asking a series of questions, and really listening to their response, you can figure out what’s really going on. This information is vital to creating a solution that works for both parties.

3. Depends on what the negotiation is for and what the setting is but I’ll give a couple examples in hopes of one of these being a situation you might be in eventually so my answer is helpful.

If you are at a pawn shop and the associate asked you how much you want at the most for the item your pawning/selling say an amount that’s higher then what you really want in case they think that amount is reasonable. I pawned something before and was asked how much I thought would be a good amount of money for me to receive for it beforehand and I said $30 when I really thought the most I could get for it would be $10-$15 and they gave me $30 for it without hesitation. People often ask for too little instead of too much and end up getting money that isn’t close to the actual value of the product.

When you make plans with someone and have to figure out which one of you are paying for what expenses for those plans a lot of people sometimes will offer to pay for both things and something that is far less then what the other person is paying for. My advice for people when trying to make plans and figure out who’s paying for what expenses is either divide up the total cost of the expenses by half and each pay almost the same amount of money if not the same or just commit to paying for an expense or expenses that is as close in price to the other expense of expenses the other person would be left to pay for.

  • Talking too much. Or at all. The best way to win, is to shut your mouth and listen. And say as little as you can. “Loose lips sink ships”. The person talking the most will tell you exactly how to close them and what they want. The more you talk, the more ammunition you give the other side.

On Facebook I have had numerous people block me and my boss fired me. Is there something wrong with me?

  1. My guess is that there is something about what you have put on Facebook that has upset this group of people. You have a decision to make:
  • Back off a little with your submissions, which is always a good thing to consider. It might be that unique sense of humor that you are so proud of (I’m guessing here) or   
  • It might be your choice of words. A lot of people are touchy if you use language better saved for the golf course. This is especially true when women and children are close by.

2. Apparently, there is something wrong with you, if you are getting fired from you job and people are blocking you on Facebook. I am going to guess that it was either something you said or something you did, or maybe both.

The real trick is to be honest with yourself and do some personal exploration to determine what is the motivating factor (s) that is causing your self-destructive behavior.

3. It sounds like it. Maybe you feel people have a need to know your policies and beliefs. They don’t. Keep your own counsel and, if you can’t keep your mouth shut, get off social media and concentrate on saying as little as possible at work.

Is it bad that I’m not successful at age of 21?

I have a lot of opinion to share:

  1. It depends on your definition of success. I would say that nobody is successful at 21, even if they’re rich.

I saw in other questions that you have asked that you are interested in philosophy and art. In your case, you will likely never feel successful, but this is a good thing. When we feel that we have succeeded, at life, we have little motivation to push on, still working hard. Success will literally destroy your life while motivation will enrich it. Think of every young musician and artist – once they feel they have become ‘successful’ their lives unravel into substance abuse, likely because they are left feeling, “I am successful and only 21 – now what?”

Our motivation to act comes from unmet needs. We feel best when we are motivated. We work harder and tirelessly when we are motivated. We seek to better ourselves when motivated. Don’t seek success, seek challenges and opportunity. Seek growth. Seek meaning. Seek.

The visible successful people, such as celebrities and the mega rich, that keep working hard, do so because they find some aspect of their lives that they are not successful at, such as religion, philanthropy, or raising a family, etc. We need to feel unsuccessful to have motivation. And we need motivation to stave off depression.

  • I would say that the main and probably only reason why one would feel unsuccessful at 21 revolves around judgment of others. In my opinion this one word is the problem for everyone but in particular at age 21 most people have begun to become vastly different from where they were at 18. By this time you might be nearing the end of college, married with a family, or even in trouble due to mistakes that “adults” make. I would say that it’s probably very unlikely for a 21 year old to admit that they feel successful because no matter where they are in life, there is likely something that they either want and/or are pursuing in which case they will feel inadequate.

Success in my opinion is relative, we all can define it differently. I attribute success to happiness in life so therefore I would still would say most 21 year old people would not feel successful. Unfortunately most will not be happy when they don’t have the things that they want whether it be more money, approval of others, or material things. If you can learn to appreciate the little things, to be grateful for the opportunity life presents then you will find that life will tend to work more in your favor, at least in my opinion. The 21 year Old’s that I have known that were successful were not only happy but had good relationships, even if they didn’t have money you would have thought they did and if they didn’t they still were happy.

  • Think for a second about your question, what kind of question is that? Is it bad that my cup of coffee isn´t full by the time I’m brewing it? Is it ok that the meat is still raw before I put it on the grill?

You are JUST 21, if you have an average life of 70+ years you still have 50 years, what is successful? What about seeing your children going to college or your grandchildren getting married, have that family you ever dream of and being healthy enough to enjoy them? Of course you won’t be successful when you probably still growing taller.

Exceptions are the ones on the news, the ones you hear about, for most people 21 is just another year at unit in where they are learning, studying, or working. Just keep going, keep learning, keep your eyes open for opportunities, maybe save some money and move to a new city to look for a new chance of life. on my younger years I saw myself doing business with Chinese’s, I am doing that now but I don’t see myself as a successful person, now I am far from home and less leisure time than before, so It’s just the way you see things, maybe my friends thinks as myself as a successful guy.

2. The quick answer: No.

You define what success means for yourself. Success doesn’t mean doing what anyone else is doing or having what others have. It all depends on what you think and truly want for your life.

Success to someone may mean living in a tiny home and teaching people about sustainable living. Success to someone else may mean having 1 million dollars and living in a mansion.

In addition, I would urge against using age as a benchmark. Flow naturally with the course of life as so many things are outside of your control. It may take years to live the life you want, or it may take months. Regardless, I would find a way so that success isn’t in some unknown future. So you can be fully in control of achieving success. I like to think of it as, if I can configure my days right now to fit with my definition of success, it’s a win.

This reminds me of Stoic philosopher, Seneca’s quote: “The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately.” Find a way so that success is completely in your power to create.

  • This question should require some serious thinking on your part. First, what do you mean by “success”? How do you define that word for yourself and your life? Is it financial success only? How about social success – is it that? Is it romantic success, or maybe just friendship success? These are important questions for you to answer about YOUR OWN life. What does success MEAN to you? You say you’re not there yet, at the age of 21! So, I guess you expected some proof of success by that age? How about beginning to define success as the way you think of yourself – not the arrogance of “pretended” success, but the real personal pride in what you have been able to do, say, achieve, learn, guide, protect, anticipate, in your life and that of others who you may be able to help? 21 is ‘WAY too early to begin any final analysis of success, but you can begin to notice where you feel you are making progress and where you are not – that would be a good beginning!

3. “Success “is a journey not a destination. No it is not bad. Perhaps you are a success anyway. You are aspiring, that takes time. Perhaps you are just now beginning to see your potential.

In any accomplishment there is always more. We do not ride along as a hero or a success and then be done. We go on. Hero to zero happens fast. Another day happens.

I concluded so far- Success is when you have no regrets or at least feel things we do was a good idea at the time and we live with that. If that is a principle we try to adhere to. And we can try and endure that and what all comes in our paths as well. Every learning experience is a success. One after another. Figuring out how to endure well through these ups and downs is a trip we are all here to take and learn from in hopes to be a success through life and to become the best in our Individual capabilities. I believe we are all needed in this world. No matter how insignificant some want to say others are. Without the brick layers there would be no buildings.

  • You first need to define what success means to you. When I am talking about success, I am talking about YOUR definition of success, NOT others (family, friends, super stars etc.) definition of success. So you need to dig deep to identify what brings you fulfillment, joy & what resonates with you, as an individual with the core values, beliefs that you have.

Is it graduating with a certain grade? Is it being a good son/daughter? Is it having a car? Is it having a girlfriend/boyfriend? Is it having a specific job? Is it having a specific amount of money? Is it traveling 3 times a year? Is it opening a business? Is it helping other people? Is it finding love? Is it having children?

Define what success means to you.

  • Find the steps that you need to take that will lead you towards the success you want. & Estimate how much time it will take after identifying the steps you need to take. We tend to OVER estimate what we can do in 1 year and UNDER estimate what we can do in 10 years.
  • You need to accept and be grateful for where you are NOW and work towards your future with the steps you need to take. If you don’t give up no matter what, you will get to YOUR success.

I am 35 and I am starting over. What’s important is what feels real to us, not the illusion of others.

You are already in front, just see what you need to do and go where you need to go that resonates with who YOU are.

4. It’s natural to feel this way at that age, but it’s a trick of the mind. The sooner you let go of the idea of ‘success’ the sooner you actually start the path to success.

Success has many definitions, and they change as you get older. However if you are referring to being top in a field, then know that it will take time. People that are successful at 21 often started when they were kids, and already have close to, if not a decade of experience by the time they are successful.

If you have a path you have committed to, just be patient and keep plugging away. However patient does not mean complacent. You have to make sure you are improving constantly, and time and consistency doesn’t matter if you are not stretching your ability.

If you aren’t so fortunate as to know what path to commit to, here are a few things you can focus on instead:

  • Finding out about yourself – understand your own personality, your strengths, your weaknesses, your passions and your hates. Really take the time to get to know yourself so that you can make decisions that are good for you and not what others/society thinks are good.
  • Get good at something – Success is a byproduct of being good at something, but getting good at something takes a long time and consistent effort. So, you can really only get good at things you are willing to do for a long time consistently. Therefore, it is important to know yourself well (#1) when choosing a path. Pursue the things that you wouldn’t mind doing for 10+ years, because anything less will be difficult to stick with long enough to succeed.
  • Explore, before you commit to something, take the time in your early years to try lots of things. This is related to (#1) because there are things in the world that you may be built for and absolutely fall in love with, but you may never find it if you don’t explore. Anything that piques your interest, give it a go. You will find that something’s sounded great but you hate doing, some things you thought you would hate but actually love, and if you are lucky, you might find the thing that God put you on this earth to do.

5. Define successful. Seriously. There are so many ways to be successful and I will bet you have got a few of them already:

  • Health. If you are healthy you are successful right now. There are sick and dying children in the world right now and you have lived 21 years, that’s more than some.
  • Youth. You can’t buy time, you can’t buy back your youth. You will only be 21 once. You don’t even leave puberty until 25. You have got time. Every year you survive to see is a success.
  • Financial. Money doesn’t equate to all round success. Again, most people your age are not rich.
  • Career. At 21 it’s unlikely you have established a long career with years of training and experience under your belt simply because you are not old enough.
  • Family. Marital partner and children. You have got time for these yet.
  • Happiness. This is the hardest of all to achieve. Money can’t buy happiness, age can’t, health doesn’t guarantee it either. Happiness comes from within and if you can truly sit back and say you are happy then that’s the greatest success of all. Mental health is no joke.

6. Success is what you make of it. At 21 I didn’t feel very successful either. Lord willing, you will have PLENTY OF TIME to find your way to success as YOU define it. Don’t let this world get in your head. YOU and only YOU can determine what success is and looks like in YOUR life. I have worked with stay-at-home dads that believe that’s the pinnacle of success. I have worked with single moms who rock it, day in and day out, and they see every day as their success story. I have worked with factory personnel who honestly believe they are at their best making a solid product and running their machines at full tilt cranking out parts at max capacity. Now let me tell you something else. I have known physicians that feel like failures, dentists who are cold and bitter, lawyers who can’t see a single ray of sunshine through any silver lined cloud, and too many other “professionals” to count who just feel unfulfilled, tired, beat up, and lonely.

You are ONLY 21! Start thinking about what YOUR success story is going to look like! You have got SO MUCH time! Now, RIGHT NOW, is when you are supposed to start exploring all the different ideas you have. I am 14 years older than you and I am JUST NOW starting to see my success story which, by the way, spans about a decade. Take this deep into your spirit! Don’t spend the next 14 years waiting to find success only to get to the year 2035 and realize that you were successful all along! Success is a mindset, my friend! Trust me on that.


Right now, in this moment, start setting your intention for the next 14 years. Start defining what success means to YOU, because YOU are the ONLY person who can determine what that is and what that means in YOUR life!

  • I think what’s actually bad is thinking that one should be already successful at age 21. But I do think it’s good that you have set a high bar for yourself at that age. People who are successful at that age have either been very lucky or worked very hard/smart, or both.

There’s a quote, but the author of it escapes me, I think he was a reputable coach though. He said… “The harder you work, the luckier you get.”

So whatever is your measure of success, which can be different from person to person, set your standards but also be realistic. 21 is still very young, many people are still in university at that age, some haven’t even had their first job yet, and many still don’t know what they want to even do with their lives yet. From the perspective of the critical mass, no one is expecting you to be successful at that age. But if you expect yourself to be successful already, then that’s the drive and attitude that could separate you from everyone else and bring you the early success you are looking for.

The way I see it, if people are telling you that you are crazy for pursuing something big, if they are telling you that you are in over your head, if they are telling you not to take certain risks…then you are doing something right.

  • I repeated a class when I was probably 7 years or so because my handwriting was probably bad enough to damage your eyes. I was a slow learner. I stammered so much in my first year of high school, you could probably take 7 steps before I ask, “please could you help me? I lost my way” (I am not joking). Did that mean I would never be able to talk fluently? or that my hand writing would eventually damage my own eyes? No. I speak a lot better now and my writings are readable. It took years.

Mark Zuckerberg was 23 when he became a billionaire.

Bill Gates was 33 when he became a billionaire.

J.K Rowling became a millionaire in 2004 after several fails.

It’s not bad if you are not successful now, everyone’s timing is different. It is however, going to be of a concern if you have no plans whatsoever. Success starts somewhere, what’s your starting point? I leave that question for you to answer.?

  • Different people have different definitions for success like earning money, having degree and so on. And as far as I am concerned, success is what if you are satisfied and contented.

Moreover it’s not at all bad if you are not successful at 21 years of age because I have seen many people that achieve things very late in their life and you are just 21 so don’t over -urbanize yourself rather if you are working on something just keep going because efforts are always, always and always rewarded in one way or another.

Furthermore, if possible so change your definition for success and secondly if you can help someone so its means you are successful because you are making someone’s life easy and comfortable.

  • No, it’s not bad that you are not successful at 21, it’s not good that you should think it is. You are young, you are only three years over a teenager. Give yourself some time to grow-up to be ready to succeed, at your own speed and time. Male brains are not developed until they are 25 years of age. Females mature much earlier. Set a small goal for yourself and achieve it. Then, reward yourself. It can be as simple as going to McDonald’s to apply for a job. If you work there for a year or less, you can work your way up to a management position, depending on how fast or good you are. It will look good on a resume, and will give you experience working with the public. Go for it and make new friends and money while you are there.

Good luck my friend.