- I want to applaud you for Showing up for yourself and asking for help. It takes strength and courage.
How we express our emotions and the frequency of how often we feel certain emotions is all a habit. You have already done the first, most important and powerful step which is becoming aware that you aren’t content and want change!
it‘s a practice. Going from hating yourself to hating yourself less is a skill that you can practice. The first step is accepting and understanding that you deserve the change for the better! Accepting yourself may not be easy but is needed to move forward – it’s a process that everyone can achieve.
What does accepting yourself actually mean?
It’s getting to know yourself, your thoughts, your emotions and your body – eventually befriending it all. Especially the negative emotions that no one taught us how to deal with. Negative emotions need compassion and space to just be without judgment. The insight that negative emotions could be having positive intentions helped me a lot. In the eastern philosophy negative emotions are there to help us. By making us feel uncomfortable they are trying to wake us up.
Trying to show us that we might are moving in the wrong direction away from our soul’s desire. Judging yourself for the emotions that we feel is where most suffering comes from. We‘re shaming and blaming ourselves for our reality, for our experience. And it’s totally understandable why we do so. We have never learnt that our emotions are valid. All of them. It sounds like you had a rough past – give yourself permission to treat yourself with more gentle compassion.
Often we think that by judging ourselves we can solve what bothers us about ourselves, but it’s actually completely counterproductive. Judging, blaming & shaming ourselves will only take away our energy – it won’t lead to effective problem solving.
Swap the script.
Tell yourself something nice. What do you like about yourself? Is it your courage, your resilience, your strength that made you go through and survive a cult?
I can feel so much strength in the few words you wrote.
I’m wishing you all the best on your healing journey.
I’d like to end this comment with these few words:
THE PAST DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.
There are many methods to enter your subconscious – phototropic breathing, psychedelics, meditation and maybe others.
But what I personally recommend and most safe as well is to start practicing Dynamic meditation every day.
It will give you more energy. With time it will let you encounter your subconscious. With every meditation you will enter deeper and deeper into your subconscious. Once these events from the past surface to the conscious mind – you will be free of them.
But if you start practicing Dynamic meditation I will just warn you that for the first few times you do it you will feel very tired. Your body will feel very weak. But after a few more tries you will be gaining more and more energy with each day. Personally for me it took 7 days to see a change and 21 days to be a new man.
We are complex beings in a very complex universe which chose (against huge odds) to choose only those paths which first led to Live; but then for species such as Humans. So, in spite of nonsense told you otherwise, you were intended an as a life-form are Loved by this universe.
You are an eternal, spiritual being who will have many lives in bodies made of stardust. Although all of those bides will die, you will never die!
Bodies are well designed to bring us the lessons that we need to choose to grow and become what we are destined to become.
First off, we are destined to become such great examples of living Love that others choose to become just like us Later we are destined to not just do Love-focused things, but to become Love Personified!
One of the paths to growth is to learn to choose to Love yourself, just as you are; an imperfect human being who is becoming dissatisfied enough to start changing towards becoming Love!
One of the best book get a copy (part of a connected pair of bottom-up and top-down viewpoint books) is:
It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way Study Guide with DVD: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered