- I can think of so many things to definitely look out for in that beginning part. Especially, when you’re out meeting new people.
The beginning parts definitely where I notice many little things about this new person. And I can tell pretty quickly that if I am going to like them or not.
Red flags come in many shapes and sizes. I really think that it’s up to you as an individual to set those boundaries really early in the beginning part of that new relationship.
Like tell yourself that you’re not going to sleep with this new person till you actually get to know them first, and then, that’ll tell you who they really are.
That’s one tiny but huge thing that most people do ignore, and then they’ll get hurt for being too freaking vulnerable.
Being too vulnerable is a huge red flag, being too clingy/touchy/feely. Asking a shit load of questions, and that could be about anything with your entire past relationships, that’s a huge sign & one to stay away from, why? Because talking about your past relationships with your new significant other isn’t what they or you want to hear, nor does anybody want to talk about their last/past idiot that they just got rid of.
Red Flags are very common in today’s world. There can be as many 10 red flags that I’d start looking out for when meeting new people, and they are as follows:
- Excessive texting, emails, any form of violating your personal space. Excessive phone calls, you are constantly being interrupted with your time.
- Lacking any Empathy & Compassion is a huge Red Flag, watch out for people who’ll mirror your actions, but you can tell in that gut of yours that they’re fake as hell. Believe in that deepest feeling, that’s where the truth lies.
- Like I said before, clinging excessively, overly bearing, obnoxious, loud, condescending by nature, and one who loves to humiliate others. Grandiose personality, and definitely one that’s screaming for some kind of attention. Sadistic that only cares for themselves.
- Jekyll & Hyde personality that speaks volumes about who they are when you’re on a one on one situation. Tempers being flared, things deflected, personal things getting projected, being gas lighted on the spot, which is testing one’s sanity to the upmost degree, and I mean on a fucking daily basis.
- That outta mind, outta sight thinker, one that doesn’t value you unless you’re feeding into their arrogant behavior, meaning that they will not go outta their way for you unless it benefits them. So that give-n-take is so very one sided and they’ll lure you into doing it their way or you’ll be left out in the cold.
- How much driving does this other person do to come see you, do they make excuses, do they always have other plans when you try and set a date. Do they play off of your personal weaknesses and know how to make you feel so vulnerable to their time, and nothings ever going to be about what you want to do.
- How close is this person to their family, do they have great relationships, how many close friends does this new person have, do they always need to be out every Friday & Saturday night. Who do they run with, I mean check every fucking angle? See if they’re fleeting to every single thing and everyone. (Black & White thinking)
- If you’re in a new relationship where you’re sexually active with this new person, see if they’re going to give you everything that you are desiring, meaning if you are scratching their backs, are they scratching yours. Don’t give them everything, if they don’t reciprocate then do not waste any more of your time. Maybe they’ll get you off, so freaking what, did it feel genuine or was just to get their rocks off and be done with you. How warms this new person after having sex or do they just pop up and leave or are they actually going to sit and chill for a minute. Some people get off, and are just cold as hell after getting their rocks off.
- Jealousy plays a big part in this new relationship, which establishes trust, like who’s your new partner talking to when you’re not around, are they being deceitful or mischievous when you are asking them any kind of questions about how their day is going. That’s a huge red flag, one that really sucks to deal with, a person who’s not honest about what they do, or how everything is a secret.
- Gas lighting/Projections are two words that kind of go in the same sentence when having arguments, because those two words establish dominance when arguing. Gas lighting is testing the abused side’s personal sanity and projecting things their way that can cause a person to lose their mental abilities to think rationally, especially if drugs and alcohol are involved.
There are many other factors that I can add to this post but I think you get the gist of what I am saying when you are meeting new people.
The “Red Flags” show themselves, they’ll pop up right in front of your face and you’ll excuse them all the time because you’re looking at other crap in this new person. If your heads on cloud 9, trust me that mushy gushy crap won’t last.
You’ll go for short thrills and spills, but in the end it can cost you your life, if you don’t make the right decisions.
My advice: work on your personal boundaries and then that way you’ll never get hurt. Or you can at least cover your butt till you at least know who the hell you are dealing with.
I think by far the biggest, and the one that is fraught with the greatest risk of upset and disaster down the road, is when you find yourself not saying things. Trying to present a version of yourself based on what you think will be acceptable to them – because at this starry-eyed point, what you really, really want is for “this” to work out.You’re excited! You see all these possibilities fanning out, this person seems great, you hope but don’t know they are what they seem…
You’re more focused on controlling, tilting and angling what they get to know of you than on getting to know them. Or giving yourself to be known by them.
This approach results in a ton of holding back and things not known – especially if both of you are doing it, but even just the one can be fatal. A delayed-onset lethality, like some brutal cinematic kung Fu move that goes unnoticed at first…’til your love keels over dead at a later touch. Because you’re not giving you, not in anything like full measure. You’re not leading with your real likes, wants, needs and loves. You’re not discussing what love is, what it means, how love is good, what love needs to be. Oh, you tell yourself “Everyone has my idea of love in all important specifics. It’s just normal.” (BWAHAHAHAHAHA GROW UP!) Result: way down the road, some inconsequential act or remark reveals a breathtaking fundamental disconnect. One of you thinks it’s perfectly normal, the other is reeling in awe with a dislocated heart. It feels like a betrayal, because all this time you assumed you knew!
All because you’re too much a coward to risk “things are going pretty well, huh?” Even though in the first down-the-rapids rush of togetherness, that’s the perfect time to talk of love! What it means, what it needs to be, how love is good! Differences that would shock if they surfaced years in (because how could they be concealed so long?) (DUH, you don’t talk, you) can in that first rush of light, pleasure and mutual-anointedness be faced. Sized up, seen for relatively minor, and accommodation can be made that is good. And will never be a problem, because it was known to begin with.
So yeah. That’s a huge red flag. And guess what? It’s in yourself. Yeah, that happens. Most people looks so hard and harsh at the other for red flags, snorting like a bull ready to charge, they completely forget to look for red flags in themselves. Even though anybody ought to know that our response to the other – our response in comfort, in joy, in wonder and curiosity, in lust, whatever – gives a whole load of go-byes. What the other brings out in us would be pretty dumb to overlook.
What does it mean? This tamped-down, restricted and spin-spun self we find ourselves halfway giving? One thing it could indicate is, you’re not quite comfortable with this person. Another thing it could indicate is you’re not quite comfortable with yourself. Another thing: some lurking incompatibility? Perhaps you sense it on the peripheral of your emotional senses. Trepidation! Yet another thing it may mean – no, definitely does mean! The main one:
It’s a big sign you need to knock it the hell off. Grow up and start giving you full. Give you how you want to be known. Yes, sometimes the consequence is that the ever-so lovely “really, really want this to work out” feeling goes away. And that’s sad, kind of. But since what replaces it is the “You know what? I’m not sure I do want this to work out” feeling, or the “I definitely don’t want this to work out” feeling, and since this is the real finding that’s emerged from full interaction between you, guess what? NOT SAD. Bad truth is good to know.
You dodged a bullet! More than that, you dodged a bullet that probably wasn’t right for you. It was a bullet that didn’t have your name on it, and you dodged. Good job!
Your heart deserves a direct hit. Now get out there and lead with who you are! In a case like relationship, that information is need to know, and sooner the better – and you’re just the one to give it.