This reminds me of the old Grsucho Marx line: I don’t want to be a member of any group that would accept me as a member.
IF you have to lie about your background to find acceptance that is a sad situation indeed.
You either live in an area of toxic snobbery and bias, in which case I hope relocation is a viable option
Or you are an irredeemable social climber who desires the approval of those who would exclude and shun you based on a factor totally beyond your control. A little self-examination might be called for here.
But it’s not always so simple. Since the days of mass immigration into the US plenty of folks have done that out of some perceived or objective necessity, frequently economic. It’s impossible to fault anyone in that position.
Now, I am no fan of all the nonsensical ethnic pride things we submit to in the USA. Most are harmless and well-intentioned, but I still prefer to learn about these things as matter of individual choice and on my own schedule. Food and potential romantic partners have traditionally been my gateway to new ethnic/cultural experiences.
I never impose upon anyone with tales of the glorious history of my ethnic forbearers, and I’d like to have that same courtesy extended to me.
Now why would you do that? First, you wouldn’t be you. Why do you want to present yourself like something you aren’t? You’re dishonest to yourself and lying to others. You’re downgrading your own being and self-esteem by not being yourself. This in turn creates fear, loss of energy and more lies. The “friends” you think you have are NO friends. They just choose you to be there for some fake presentation of yourself.
Don’t you want friends that are genuine and that can last a lifetime? I definitely prefer these kind of friends. I stand up to who I am because this gives me more motivation and energy in life and I don’t constantly have to fear that the truth comes out about my lies. When that happens, you lose everything that you desired to have. Honesty will always outlast the lie.
So, be you and attract the friends to your true self. That way you will always be honest and much happier. The situation you describe is typical for a selfish desire and a real trap which will cause far greater problems for yourself.
You shouldn’t lie about your heritage but especially not if it’s important to your identity. Your heritage makes you unique regardless of what other people think. It helped establish your morals, personality, etc. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are. I know how it feels to want to be accepted by others. Believe me. I dressed in traditional outfits instead of western outfits growing up, and people thought I couldn’t speak English. Through this experience, I got a small taste of being an immigrant in America even though I was born here. My real friends still hung out with me and weren’t embarrassed being seen with me. Don’t hide or lie about your heritage. Share it proudly with the world so that people learn about your amazing background. That’s what defines who you are.
My guess is that there would be no wars, no countries, no crimes, no killing.
In an ideal situation such as this, there would be no need for money or any other currency. No greed means no need to use items for trading. This means everyone trusts each other and no one wants to take advantage of other people. A person will just ask for food and return the favor in the future.
No enemies mean no wars. Unfortunately, there is a downside to this. No war means no technological progress in terms of our world today. War provides an opportunity to test new inventions. The only reason why we have things like the internet, is because of the looming threat of war among major powers during the cold war.
However, we may see progress in another way.
For starters, there may be no homeless people. If everyone helps everyone, then the homeless would be able to sleep in a warm home.
There would be no poverty, as people depend on each other for help.
Food and other necessities would no longer have to be bought. Therefore, the need for an economy would lessen and we might have no need for it eventually.
Food and drinks we consume might be a lot healthier than our world’s. Every food and drink will be created and produced with the consumer’s health in mind.
Healthcare would be free. Doctors and other health specialist will no longer charge a fee in exchange for helping others.
No wars mean that the huge expenditures for national defense would be used in other methods. Possibly housing and infrastructure.
Heavy production of artificial food. As you know, our planet has a limited amount of resources. So, the technology would advance to find a way to create artificial food that provide just as much nutrients as normal food.
Space travel. Since we don’t have wars, our population would continue booming. This would result in overpopulation. The only way to solve this is by colonizing other planets.
Now in regards to the latter example, this is where I see the problem with your question. “What would the world look like if all people came together, no greed, no enemies, and everyone helps everyone?” Note the word “people”. Does that mean this only applies to humans? What if we decide to colonize a planet with sentient life? Doesn’t that mean we are still succumbing to greed just to help “our kind”?
The world would probably be wonderful with time. People just need to give their egos up and solve problems like they were one. That way we would find good solutions to our present problems. But initially it would be confusing for people because of our present way. It would take some generations to change the mentality. Because it all sits in the mental mind. There’s quite a variety of minds on this planet, going from the most destructive to the most loving. So, this idea is great but it needs a lot of work and effort.
Think of the Golden rule: Do to others as you wish done to yourself. This says a lot more in itself. It will depend on your own experience and insight in life. If you think of yourself as a separate individual then the human type of thinking can become very true: I scratch your back and you scratch mine. This is a selfish type of thinking because it requires something in return. Like you invite someone for dinner but equally you want them to invite you back for this. This is also true in relationships where “love” plays the part. One person is “in love, head over heels”. They give so much to the other one and they do their best to attract the other person but the response just doesn’t come. This is another form of ego desire and it can lead to very destructive behavior in the end. Things like anger, jealousy, incorrect actions, stalking and you name it.
So, this is the way of an individual who thinks “individual”. Now the other way would be the person who sees everything in ONENESS. What I do to others, I do to myself. The world around you is you. This is a state of consciousness rather than a mind invented individual. You truly understand that you are ONE with all. Hurting or destroying things around you is doing it to yourself. Being there gives you another state of mind. The logic would be to always help yourself and to develop your weak parts. It’s reflected in your everyday life at work, at home in your hobbies and even in your examination of yourself. Most people wish to be more because that’s natural for most of us. Therefore we try to improve to become better. This requires awareness of your thoughts, feelings and actions. It requires honest self-criticism. Could I do this better? So, past has value in form of experience but not for what happened. Past history is of no concern but the learning experience may be very useful. Time doesn’t exist anyway, so the reality is only the NOW.
Time is only a state of mind and an illusion (temporary manifestation) that we live within the human mind. Look at a star far away. If light travels as we have accepted in our physics then you would see the past, sometimes millions of years back in time. Does that make sense to you?
So, more likely you live in experience and this has no time. When you grow within and develop insight into self-awareness and self-knowledge then you’ll see that all that you create is affecting YOU. It’s difficult for many to see this because constantly people try to escape their wrong doings and mistakes. Don’t you think it’s easier to forgive someone who stands up with honesty and says: Sorry, I made a mistake or the person who tries to hide (either on purpose or inadvertently) their mistakes.
It’s said by many that you receive that which you create. I find that very true, myself. Some refers to this as karma. Karma is nothing more than qualities within you that needs to improve. Once you learned your lessons this will eventually change and new challenges will arrive. It’s a healing process and it has no time limit. You can choose to do this as quick as you can or you can simply be ignorant and continue as you are. Both have different consequences. Forgiveness comes from the healing within and not from praying to some God with your mind construct.
So trust your heart and live the way you are BUT do the best you can. When things are right more things will appear in your life. Treat all with the best of your love because the world around you IS YOU.
I hope this gives you some sustenance in life.
That is too simplistic, but the way this generous universe works, in several ways, leads us to receive more when we give without expectation of getting something in return.
What we ‘send out’ is returned to us in greater quantities than what we sent. As a result, we have more after giving. If we send out pro-life things like Love, we get more pro-life things coming back to us.
However, if we send out anti-life things like Fear and hate, we get back more of those as well. So, it is wise to learn the difference between anti-life and pro-life ‘things and ‘processes’!
Since humans experience Joy when they unobtrusively serve others, those of us who pay attention to what is happening are strongly inclined to give pro-life ‘things and processes’ and really do both have more and feel Great about it!
Society consistently teaches us to hoard what we have; thus having us just barely surviving in the many weak states of Fear. That state makes it easier for the powerful and very rich to control us so they can avoid retribution for what they have done to get and keep what they have!
Choose carefully what you send out into a generous universe!
The answer to this would simply be both Yes and No. Human conscience exist on many levels. It cannot be judged because each human lives with what they consider right or wrong. It will also depend on the family and society from where an individual comes. In this family values, religion, education and political system will have a lot to say. You are being so influenced by all the above factors. As a child we’re far more open than as adults and you grow generally into some type of profile in your society. It will later depend on how you choose and how you believe. There are two basic ways of how to use human conscience. The first will be intellectually based from the programming you’re subjected to. It’s what we call rational thinking. This will serve the system where you live within and you’re part of that society.
The second would be the independent thinker who really don’t care about what other people say or think. This person would seek its own logic, live and learn from experience and use their heart intuition more. They may be well versed in the society “morals” where they live but they just don’t blindly accept things.
These kind of people are considered by many as “originals”, possibly a little crazy or even totally crazy. They may have a lonely life or they may become heroes in other societies.
So, to determine right/wrong will depend on the society and its values. Conscience alone on the human level isn’t enough. We’ll need to use “common sense”, knowledge and conscience to determine if the action can be seen either right or wrong. There truly one day will be clarity in this but the NOW is a world of confusion in these parts.
The best tip I can give you to follow in your daily life is when your mind-feeling and heart feeling agree in unity over something then you’re usually on a good track. Mind alone wouldn’t be enough as it fools you very easy with its limits. Intuition is good but must be used with common sense as well. It’s easy to be quick in decisions and it’s important to control these impulses and emotions because they can be very destructive for yourself and others.
I hope this will give you some food for thought on what is right or wrong.
Personally, I don’t consider right or wrong because there are different levels of thinking and with that comes different solutions. Just like when humans were killing of wolves and bears because they were thinking of them as a big threat to humans. They are natural predators, sure but they don’t kill for fun and they are necessary in nature and play their part to keep the balance. So different solutions for different thinking. To try to live by rules wouldn’t work because humans are free spirits by character and have the need to live this way. But to have guidelines on how to respect and live in a society doesn’t interfere in this but may instead be helpful for adaption.
Look, conscience is no more and no less than our personal judgment. When we have some idea of good, and so we have some idea of right (what furthers or creates good) and wrong (what risks, harms, diminishes or destroys good), we call it a “conscience.” That’s all. A conscience isn’t a special power. It isn’t a thing some have and some don’t: the thing itself that conscience actually is personal judgment. That’s a thing we all have.
It’s just we tend to call it a “conscience” when our personal judgment is shot through, founded in, or has acquired a taste for morality. A taste for right. A distaste for wrong.
Morality is any concern in right or wrong, to tell between in order to further right or oppose wrong.
Morality is always founded in values & priorities. Known goods. Each of us is free to find and value our own goods (“values”), and to rank and order them by importance (“priorities”). We tell right from wrong by being able to say: what you call wrong – what’s wrong with it? (What does it risk, harm, diminish, and destroy?). What you call right – what good is it? What does it grow, make, support, protect?
Can we trust our conscience to determine what is right and what is unfair?
What else do you have available to trust? How else do you make decisions? What else besides your personal judgment, with all factors in view and considered? When you care about right and wrong, you consider those things more.
Like any other faculty of reason (i.e. critical faculty, rational faculty, logic), conscience improves in strength, clarity and trustworthiness by exercise and examination. Best thing you can do: own all consequence of your being. All consequence of all your thought (usually none, unless you act – why not throw it in there), action, inaction, decision or indecision. All consequence whether deliberate or unintended, foreseen or unforeseen, foreseeable or unforeseeable. And you take it all in, and any outcomes that bother you take to pieces and figure out all through: all the way down to basis. All the way back up discerning: scrutinize connections, separate and weigh different elements, competing values, competing goods. You own it. This is what has come of what you’ve done. You take it as yours for use, to detect faults, to falsify and refine bad fit and misunderstood piece. To comprehend and to reconcile.
With all key parts dismantled you figure out what bothers you. Was there something else you could have done? Okay, what? And project what outcomes may have come from there. But: is it reasonable to expect you at the time could have known to act differently?
Ah. There’s the rub. Sometimes you realize yes, you should have known to act differently. Or other times you say no, it was impossible that you could have known to act differently.
But the process pays off regardless. Because the point is: you deny nothing that comes of what you’ve done. You embrace it all – not necessarily “blame” here. You can see full well what other factors were in play – including other people. Your response was the only part you could really control, but you can control that. And going forward, your examination of both what you could have known and done and what you couldn’t have known – will be locked in, ready on swivel to spot opportunities to avert misstep and thwart bad outcome. You’ll foresee things that before were unforeseeable – because you owned and examined them through. You will tell between to more fine and granular, nuanced degree. You’ll perceive the potential other factors beside you have (such as other people) to make things go wrong – because you owned and examined those parts of prior outcomes.
Your judgment – your “conscience” when it is employed in any problem with a moral dimension – will grow stronger, clearer, and more reliable.
If you thought the point of a conscience was to be able to tell infallibly which course you can choose that will prove faultless, blameless, so you’ll never have to worry about outcomes, nope. The point of a conscience is to own all the resources you have available for decision-making – principally, all outcomes of prior decision-making – and use them to hone and strengthen your moral sense. To own your wrong, and come to know that finding self-wrong always opens the way to find ways right.
To feel confident in doing your best. Choosing the best course you can, based on what you’ve got in front of you plus all you’ve ever seen (assimilated and built into intuition and aim). Knowing that if bad befalls, you will be there to catch all your share and more, and course-correct all the better for it.
You don’t know that everything you do will prove good. But you do know: you’re good for it. You will make good. And in this crazed-up mix of a world, that’s about the best you can have. Can you trust in it? Sure can, if you’ve been working it out in exercise and running the back-end regimen in examination after-the-fact.
Because after-the-fact is always before-the-fact. Next thing we know, we’re in the moment again where we have to act.
You don’t have anything else but your conscience for this. So the real question is: do you engage it in a trustworthy way, responsible for all that comes of every course you choose, and so grow in trustworthiness and clarity and aim? Or do you just give up and get carried along, picking haphazardly or recusing yourself from action?
You’ll find your consequence regardless. It’s just you find and make and steer far better consequence when it’s not regardless.
Most likely not. First we go back in history as we know it. The early humans show how only a united community was essential for survival. The Cro-Magnon humans survived because they helped and worked together. Sure, there were skirmishes and battles but the unity helped them survive the dangers. The Neanderthal humans had bigger brain capacity but they never tried to live in a society. They worked more independently and that’s believed to be the reason why they went extinct.
So, it proves that love and compassion is essential. Animals also live under a “social system”. Look at lions, monkeys, wolves, dolphins and many more. Like us they have understood the strength of unity and to have a society. A society can only be built when you work with the best ideas and when there’s enough people to put these ideas into practice. It’s proven that humans and advanced animals are in need of love and compassion because life without it would be too depressing.
In a world of pure selfishness and no concern for the neighbor would probably end up in many battles for the quest of power and ruling. It would be a quest to own and rule. And in the end, like our history shows, there’s always someone stronger. This would be a true “hell world” to live in since you always have to watch your back. It would be a world full of fear, aggression, mistrust, greed, hate, dishonesty and so on.
Our planet today lives in a mixture of the above scenarios. There are good examples of both polarities that battle here. People survive more because of the love and compassion that most people have. Some of this comes from cultures, religions and society. It’s still very rule based but many people have this within as well and they do express it. We’re going to have to choose one way or the other soon enough because the present thinking and living may easily lead to destruction since our technology allows for total destruction in no time. There are fanatics out there whether you believe it or not. Even the news show us this over and over again.
Well, this is some food for thought on where we are and where we’re going. Remember that we are just a very small piece of dust in an infinite universe and that we best would live like one humanity and not the split that we are today.
Love and compassion is observed among apes, but only in minimal occurrences. Their empathy is restricted to their family group – and they manifest hatred and aggression towards other groups.
They are simply like racists: apes (Chimpanzee in particular) do display love and empathy towards their own, and also hatred and aggression towards others. Some documentaries (David Atenborough) show this clearly.
According to Darwin, Humanity emerged through extending the feeling of empathy and cooperation to include other families and tribes:
“As man advances in civilization, and small tribes are united into larger communities, the simplest reason would tell each individual that he ought to extend his social instincts and sympathies to all members of the same nation, though personally unknown to him.
This point being once reached, there is only an artificial barrier to prevent his sympathies extending to the men of all nations and races.” Charles Darwin, the Descent of Man
So, without empathy and cooperation, humanity will be equal to apes in behavior.
But not all people are like that.
In many parts of the spectrum we call Humanity, we have people revealing the best of humanity – regarding all people as their family, while others restrict their love and compassion to what apes are capable for.
If humanity survives, I believe love and compassion will be a given. They seem to be easy calls, easily called out of us without much more than a feeling of security in each other. I don’t believe any population of humanity large enough to be self-sustaining will lack these.
If love and compassion don’t survive, it will not be because humanity has survived without them but because humanity has gone extinct.
So…I’d say that’s a no. It’s basically like asking if humanity can survive without heads, or without torsos. These features just naturally form and grow! In most humans, love and compassion pretty much arise of themselves, whenever we’re exposed to other humans whose company we find good. Compassion we even experience for strangers, whose piteous plight reminds us of our own vulnerabilities.
I suppose that if we captured a breeding population of humans, killed all the rest, and sequestered our captives in a brutal and brutish environment depriving them of language, a sense of safety, subjected to adverse and terrifying changes all the time and utterly dependent upon us (whoever “us” is by this point) for food and water, perhaps these dispiriting conditions would stifle the ways by which love and compassion arise. But I wouldn’t be surprised to see both burning fiercely in pockets here and there regardless, as if in defiance of the experiment.
Anyway, I wouldn’t worry about it. It would take a pretty hard rigging of conditions to eradicate love and compassion in human beings, and I doubt even then it’d be 100% successful. If humans continue to survive under natural and human-made conditions, love and compassion will continue to arise and express.
Not always for strangers, but as noted above, we’re still most of us quite prone to compassion. Not always for enemies or antagonists, perhaps – but a lot of people seem to have a fount of compassion even for these wretches. Not everybody, to be sure. Mostly we love who has been good in our lives – or someone we believe may be good.
Many people are unrealistic about trust. They assume the worst and are distrustful, or they over trust and are easily taken in. People in the first category put up walls and keep others at a distance. The second group proudly claim to trust someone until they have a reason not to. Then they’re shocked when they’ve relied on someone untrustworthy.
In today’s mobile world, usually, when we first meet someone, we don’t know anything about their integrity or past conduct, except what they tell us. Trustworthiness is proven over time by actions, not only by words. You can get hurt by believing what people say and ignoring their actions To be trustworthy, a person has to “walk their talk”—words and actions must be congruent. You also have to be able to trust your perceptions, a skill difficult for some codependents who trust too little or too much. Being able to trust realistically is a learning process.
When you’ve grown up in a dysfunctional family environment where your parents kept secrets or invalidated your perceptions, you learned to doubt yourself. You may become distrustful and/or the opposite, suggestible to what others say and disconnected from your own inner guidance system. Either way, you’re not able to realistically evaluate other people.
The following are qualities to look for when you’re getting to know someone and evaluating a person’s trustworthiness. They’re one and the same as elements that create trust and safety in relationships.
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of good relationships and building trust. This is a problem in codependent relationships, because partners have difficulty knowing and openly and honestly discussing their feelings. Communication is often indirect, reactive, and defensive. When you’re closed, it raises doubts and misunderstandings with your partner.
Honest communication requires that you’re assertive about what you want and need and that you openly express your feelings, including what you don’t like when you expect your partner to read your mind and have unspoken expectations, it leads to resentment and conflict and undermines trust. Similarly, when you hide negative feelings, they come out sideways in behavior, such as lateness, forgetfulness, infidelity, or withdrawal. Your words and actions don’t match, which builds distrust.
Obviously, lying, breaking promises, keeping secrets, and denying things you’ve said quickly build distrust. It’s not worth losing your credibility over even a small lie or secret. Even shading the truth, can seriously injure trust and be hard to repair. It can cause your partner to doubt other, bigger things that you’re honest about.
Boundaries are limits. They’re important because they create a sense of safety. In getting to know someone, it’s important to have an honest discussion about the boundaries and privacy you’re comfortable with. You may desire boundaries regarding your belongings, space, emails, and conversations, which, if violated would cause you to distrust your partner. You may feel betrayed if a private conversation with your partner is repeated to his or her friend, or if he or she talks to one of your friends or relatives about you.
Years ago when I was a lawyer, I felt my boundaries were violated when a date sent flowers to my office for no reason, which although a nice gesture, embarrassed me at work. I wanted a boundary between my work and private life. It caused me to distrust the man’s judgment and discretion. My feelings were spot on and he showed a lack of sensitivity and boundaries in other areas. Trust your instincts. When you tell someone your boundaries and they ignore them, this creates a second violation—one of disrespect. You may have to explain the reasons for your boundaries with the person who has a totally different mindset.
A crucial boundary is the one around your body and sexuality How much touching are you comfortable with early in your relationship, when and where? Are you going to be nonexclusive, sexually exclusive, or committed? Physical and sexual boundaries are essential to allow and protect the intimacy in your relationship. Jealousy and infidelity or even the perception of infidelity can irreparably ruin a relationship. You and your partner may have different values about what is acceptable. Have a frank conversation about what you require to feel safe and loving. Don’t be accommodating or idealistic about it—be real!
Simple things, like doing what you say you’ll do, returning loaned property, being on time, and keeping dates, build trust. These are all examples of “walking the talk.” Breaking promises, even small ones, creates disappointment. It also sends the message that the other person’s feelings and needs don’t matter. If it happens enough times, your partner loses trust and builds resentment that erodes the relationship.
As you get to know someone, you construct an idea in your mind about who they are and that gives you a certain sense of comfort and security. If he or she starts behaving in very unpredictable ways or in a manner that’s inconsistent with what’s become the norm, it gives rise to mistrust and doubt about the person’s mental health, fidelity, or financial dealings. If you’re going through some changes, like changing your job or not feeling sexual, it’s best to have open, honest communication about it before questions arise.
Learning to Trust
Learning to trust is not so much about the other person as it is learning to trust your own perceptions and paying attention to your doubts and intuition. When you’re with someone, move your attention inward to see what sensations you experience in their presence. Anger, shame, glut, and hurt are feelings that may be a signal that your boundaries have been crossed by verbal abuse or manipulation. Spend time with yourself and notice the difference with and away from the other person.
Simply because you can fall victim to lies very easy. Just because someone can seem nice and have the appearance of good doesn’t mean anything. There are amazing con artists out there. Many people fall prey to them every moment on this planet. Some people are sincere in their things but still they may have a wrong perception and be totally unaware of this. No so follow your own intuition and heart. There will be times when you understand things much better inside yourself than your world is trying to tell you.
Would you feel safe if you were to step into a big hole in the ground where you knew poisonous snakes were crawling? I think you would avoid it or be extremely cautious. On our planet we have a great variety of “snakes” so be careful to believe in people. You can have an open mind to everything and listen to things but validate what you hear and see with intelligence and caution. Learn to investigate things and NEVER just accept things with blind faith unless you already know it to be true.
Media, TV, newspapers and also many things on social media are pure lies for different purposes. You need to learn how to discern this. Many people are of good heart but they have been duped by people who know how to manipulate and control others. So, trust your inside because in the end YOU know best yourself. Don’t be the follower rather learn to follow yourself. You are just as much worth as anyone else.
Take faith to the extreme and you arrive at blind faith. That’s the state where you just believe whatever, because, well, you just do. It’s always a terrible idea.
So if a guy says “The Lord has told me that you must give me all your money” you do so, because you believe what that guy just said. Does that sound like a sensible thing?
Plenty of Germans had blind faith in Hitler, and many joined the army even when it must have been obvious to a blind man in a sack that they were doomed. It was a really bad decision, and many paid the ultimate price for it.
Far better to exercise common sense. Ask yourself:
Is what I’m being told reasonable?
What is the worst that could happen?
If I try to explain it to the person I respect the most, would I be able to?
If so, would they understand and agree that it’s a prudent thing to do?”
Don’t forget the wise Anglo-Saxon phrase: If in doubt, leave it out.