In order to be accepted by others, must you lie about your heritage?

  1. This reminds me of the old Grsucho Marx line: I don’t want to be a member of any group that would accept me as a member.

IF you have to lie about your background to find acceptance that is a sad situation indeed.

You either live in an area of toxic snobbery and bias, in which case I hope relocation is a viable option

Or you are an irredeemable social climber who desires the approval of those who would exclude and shun you based on a factor totally beyond your control. A little self-examination might be called for here.

But it’s not always so simple. Since the days of mass immigration into the US plenty of folks have done that out of some perceived or objective necessity, frequently economic. It’s impossible to fault anyone in that position.

Now, I am no fan of all the nonsensical ethnic pride things we submit to in the USA. Most are harmless and well-intentioned, but I still prefer to learn about these things as matter of individual choice and on my own schedule. Food and potential romantic partners have traditionally been my gateway to new ethnic/cultural experiences.

I never impose upon anyone with tales of the glorious history of my ethnic forbearers, and I’d like to have that same courtesy extended to me.


Now why would you do that? First, you wouldn’t be you. Why do you want to present yourself like something you aren’t? You’re dishonest to yourself and lying to others. You’re downgrading your own being and self-esteem by not being yourself. This in turn creates fear, loss of energy and more lies. The “friends” you think you have are NO friends. They just choose you to be there for some fake presentation of yourself.

Don’t you want friends that are genuine and that can last a lifetime? I definitely prefer these kind of friends. I stand up to who I am because this gives me more motivation and energy in life and I don’t constantly have to fear that the truth comes out about my lies. When that happens, you lose everything that you desired to have. Honesty will always outlast the lie.

So, be you and attract the friends to your true self. That way you will always be honest and much happier. The situation you describe is typical for a selfish desire and a real trap which will cause far greater problems for yourself.


You shouldn’t lie about your heritage but especially not if it’s important to your identity. Your heritage makes you unique regardless of what other people think. It helped establish your morals, personality, etc. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are. I know how it feels to want to be accepted by others. Believe me. I dressed in traditional outfits instead of western outfits growing up, and people thought I couldn’t speak English. Through this experience, I got a small taste of being an immigrant in America even though I was born here. My real friends still hung out with me and weren’t embarrassed being seen with me. Don’t hide or lie about your heritage. Share it proudly with the world so that people learn about your amazing background. That’s what defines who you are.

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