Let us see some reason:
- Many people are unrealistic about trust. They assume the worst and are distrustful, or they over trust and are easily taken in. People in the first category put up walls and keep others at a distance. The second group proudly claim to trust someone until they have a reason not to. Then they’re shocked when they’ve relied on someone untrustworthy.
In today’s mobile world, usually, when we first meet someone, we don’t know anything about their integrity or past conduct, except what they tell us. Trustworthiness is proven over time by actions, not only by words. You can get hurt by believing what people say and ignoring their actions To be trustworthy, a person has to “walk their talk”—words and actions must be congruent. You also have to be able to trust your perceptions, a skill difficult for some codependents who trust too little or too much. Being able to trust realistically is a learning process.
When you’ve grown up in a dysfunctional family environment where your parents kept secrets or invalidated your perceptions, you learned to doubt yourself. You may become distrustful and/or the opposite, suggestible to what others say and disconnected from your own inner guidance system. Either way, you’re not able to realistically evaluate other people.
The following are qualities to look for when you’re getting to know someone and evaluating a person’s trustworthiness. They’re one and the same as elements that create trust and safety in relationships.
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of good relationships and building trust. This is a problem in codependent relationships, because partners have difficulty knowing and openly and honestly discussing their feelings. Communication is often indirect, reactive, and defensive. When you’re closed, it raises doubts and misunderstandings with your partner.
Honest communication requires that you’re assertive about what you want and need and that you openly express your feelings, including what you don’t like when you expect your partner to read your mind and have unspoken expectations, it leads to resentment and conflict and undermines trust. Similarly, when you hide negative feelings, they come out sideways in behavior, such as lateness, forgetfulness, infidelity, or withdrawal. Your words and actions don’t match, which builds distrust.
Obviously, lying, breaking promises, keeping secrets, and denying things you’ve said quickly build distrust. It’s not worth losing your credibility over even a small lie or secret. Even shading the truth, can seriously injure trust and be hard to repair. It can cause your partner to doubt other, bigger things that you’re honest about.
Boundaries are limits. They’re important because they create a sense of safety. In getting to know someone, it’s important to have an honest discussion about the boundaries and privacy you’re comfortable with. You may desire boundaries regarding your belongings, space, emails, and conversations, which, if violated would cause you to distrust your partner. You may feel betrayed if a private conversation with your partner is repeated to his or her friend, or if he or she talks to one of your friends or relatives about you.
Years ago when I was a lawyer, I felt my boundaries were violated when a date sent flowers to my office for no reason, which although a nice gesture, embarrassed me at work. I wanted a boundary between my work and private life. It caused me to distrust the man’s judgment and discretion. My feelings were spot on and he showed a lack of sensitivity and boundaries in other areas. Trust your instincts. When you tell someone your boundaries and they ignore them, this creates a second violation—one of disrespect. You may have to explain the reasons for your boundaries with the person who has a totally different mindset.
A crucial boundary is the one around your body and sexuality How much touching are you comfortable with early in your relationship, when and where? Are you going to be nonexclusive, sexually exclusive, or committed? Physical and sexual boundaries are essential to allow and protect the intimacy in your relationship. Jealousy and infidelity or even the perception of infidelity can irreparably ruin a relationship. You and your partner may have different values about what is acceptable. Have a frank conversation about what you require to feel safe and loving. Don’t be accommodating or idealistic about it—be real!
Simple things, like doing what you say you’ll do, returning loaned property, being on time, and keeping dates, build trust. These are all examples of “walking the talk.” Breaking promises, even small ones, creates disappointment. It also sends the message that the other person’s feelings and needs don’t matter. If it happens enough times, your partner loses trust and builds resentment that erodes the relationship.
As you get to know someone, you construct an idea in your mind about who they are and that gives you a certain sense of comfort and security. If he or she starts behaving in very unpredictable ways or in a manner that’s inconsistent with what’s become the norm, it gives rise to mistrust and doubt about the person’s mental health, fidelity, or financial dealings. If you’re going through some changes, like changing your job or not feeling sexual, it’s best to have open, honest communication about it before questions arise.
Learning to Trust
Learning to trust is not so much about the other person as it is learning to trust your own perceptions and paying attention to your doubts and intuition. When you’re with someone, move your attention inward to see what sensations you experience in their presence. Anger, shame, glut, and hurt are feelings that may be a signal that your boundaries have been crossed by verbal abuse or manipulation. Spend time with yourself and notice the difference with and away from the other person.
Simply because you can fall victim to lies very easy. Just because someone can seem nice and have the appearance of good doesn’t mean anything. There are amazing con artists out there. Many people fall prey to them every moment on this planet. Some people are sincere in their things but still they may have a wrong perception and be totally unaware of this. No so follow your own intuition and heart. There will be times when you understand things much better inside yourself than your world is trying to tell you.
Would you feel safe if you were to step into a big hole in the ground where you knew poisonous snakes were crawling? I think you would avoid it or be extremely cautious. On our planet we have a great variety of “snakes” so be careful to believe in people. You can have an open mind to everything and listen to things but validate what you hear and see with intelligence and caution. Learn to investigate things and NEVER just accept things with blind faith unless you already know it to be true.
Media, TV, newspapers and also many things on social media are pure lies for different purposes. You need to learn how to discern this. Many people are of good heart but they have been duped by people who know how to manipulate and control others. So, trust your inside because in the end YOU know best yourself. Don’t be the follower rather learn to follow yourself. You are just as much worth as anyone else.
Take faith to the extreme and you arrive at blind faith. That’s the state where you just believe whatever, because, well, you just do. It’s always a terrible idea.
So if a guy says “The Lord has told me that you must give me all your money” you do so, because you believe what that guy just said. Does that sound like a sensible thing?
Plenty of Germans had blind faith in Hitler, and many joined the army even when it must have been obvious to a blind man in a sack that they were doomed. It was a really bad decision, and many paid the ultimate price for it.
Far better to exercise common sense. Ask yourself:
Is what I’m being told reasonable?
What is the worst that could happen?
If I try to explain it to the person I respect the most, would I be able to?
If so, would they understand and agree that it’s a prudent thing to do?”
Don’t forget the wise Anglo-Saxon phrase: If in doubt, leave it out.