- Well, from your statement, it means two things.
Firstly, it means they was a case where you had to tell the truth which you knew but, you decided to keep quite. Maybe because, the accused was a big personal or he was well known for his good works and telling the truth, will spoil his image. And this shows, he/she didn’t take the blame anymore but rather, the other accused he stood with had to take the blame since he or she had no evidence and he/she was not popular. So maybe you feel guilty about what you did because you were in the right position to do a right justice.
Secondly, it means you were the victim and due to the fact that, you love that person so much and don’t want to spoil his/her reputation, you decided to take the blame. And making people feel he was the victim instead. So surely, those who knew you didn’t do anything, told you, you were wrong to take the blame.
I want to say that, if you did the first one above, then, it was so wrong. Because the person who would be taking the blame is innocent. Yet, he/she is paying for someone else’s’ crime just because he/she had no reputation.
But, if you did the second one above, then you are a generous and loving person. Which is not wrong. It means you have Love in you. You decided to take someone’s pain and shame. And that’s the best thing ever.
Still, if that person was aware of what he/she did and has been doing it, you shouldn’t take that persons side no matter his/her reputation
If not, lives will be at risk. Your silence will destroy many people including you.
If you keep covering that persons shameless evil or whatsoever it is. Which you know is wrong, then you are very wrong. You should stop now. It’s never too late!
Once a person keeps doing something without guilt or shame, that person will definitely not change from his ways. And hence, don’t look at it as a mistake. Even if the person tells you so.
If you want to know if that person is serious about the “mistakes thing, let he/she be ready to take full responsibility of his/her actions. By accepting he/she did it. What has been done, has been done.
There’s nothing you can do about it. But trying not to do it next time. And you need to be willing to stop.
It’s either now or never! Don’t say next time. The may never be any.
What is wrong in saving someone’s reputation by not telling your side of the story?
It can be very wrong if we are protecting people whose actions are harming others.
Take for example “some” of the hierarchy in the Catholic Church, who allegedly covered up sodomy and sexual assault of young boys perpetrated by “some” of their clergy, whom were supervising boys in different scenarios. They covered this up allegedly in the attempt to save the “reputation of the Church” – at the demise of the most vulnerable. “Some” church leaders allegedly turned a blind eye to a crime in their diocese – a horrid evil act that scarred some for life – which also violated their own Church’s teachings/law; (example taken from findings at a trial of an Australian Catholic Archbishop). All for the sake of saving “reputation”.
This type of loyalty to a person or an establishment, does not override the fact it was misused to cover up harm. It does not make this wrong right.
These type of cover ups are also a common occurrence with abuse in the home as I have personally experienced. Others will cover up to protect the reputation of the family, and/or the offenders from facing the consequences.
So to answer your question appropriately here, we need to ask ourselves this;- “is saving someone’s reputation by not giving your side of the story, allowing someone to keep harming others or protecting them from slander?; (where there is no basis in the truth, but your story version could be twisted indicating otherwise).
In the former situation it would be wrong – the latter it would be the right thing to do.
We can’t ever do wrong by doing the right thing.
Sometimes your reputation is damaged because you didn’t tell your side of the story. And, the other person could had told their side of the story and it was based in a lie. You may get treated differently or lose friends/acquaintances because people believe the first thing that they hear. Sometimes, you can even get in trouble by the law if it’s serious enough. If you don’t care about other people’s opinions, which you shouldn’t, then it won’t matter. But if the person is smart, then they won’t have an opinion of the other person without hearing their end, or they would know that the other person is saving face for someone. .
I can give you a prime example to where it can go wrong and it fits in to your question. You should try to see if you should or should not save someone’s reputation Ex: Single mother dilemma with absent fathers for the children. We hear the mother’s stories all of the time, but we don’t here the absent father’s story, and fathers generally have the bad reputation in these scenarios. However, it does not mean that it is true, as it is a case-by-case basis.
Would you tell someone about a known con artists if you guys walked past them? How about a car salesman that sells cars in bad shape and overcharging you? What about bad services from a company? Would you tell on someone committing a crime? Would you report domestic violence, infidelity, or child abuse? And my last would be if someone had lied on you when they told their side of the story, would you clear your name?
These are interesting questions for you to apply to your question. In my opinion, a lot of people don’t tell the full truth or just lie on you. I will say my end of the story because of liars.
What’s wrong with this is you’re sacrificing your own reputation (and possible safety) by protecting their reputation. Not necessarily a bad thing unless you want to see it that way, and you end up suffering because of it. Now days self-sacrifice is considered a noble thing to do because less and less people are willing to make sacrifices. I have a story to share that might put things into perspective.
I was in a relationship with an abusive, dead beat guy; verbal, physical, emotional, the whole 9 yards. His niche was to financially leech off women and make babies with them and then leave them in the dust once he got bored. Other people warned me about this but I didn’t believe them until he tried to do the same to me. We were friends for about 2 years and I never saw this evil side to him, and just thought all of his baby moms were lying. Once we started dating he manipulatively moved in my house while I was the only one working and paying bills, he would ask me to help him get a job, then make excuses as to why he couldn’t keep the job once hired. He would always brag about how his sperm is so powerful that he could get women on birth control pregnant. He’d threatened to kill himself if I didn’t allow him intimacy without a condom. One time he exploded with anger towards me when I announced I got my period (even though he knew I was on birth control.) Any time I tried to break up with him he’d threaten me with suicide. It was a nightmare. Once after a few months of torment in my own home I couldn’t take anymore I just packed my stuff and found another place to live and abandoned him in my place over night (the lease was up anyways so I was allowed to leave without penalty.) I did this thinking that he would just move on and find someone else’s life to ruin. Boy was I wrong…
After I moved on I noticed I started getting harassment and threats from random strangers in the street anytime I left the house (I lived in a small town where pretty much everyone knew each other.) People I didn’t even know were coming up to me, calling me a whore, and throwing things at me, telling me I needed to go to hell, or I needed to repent. Some of these people actually wanted to hurt me. I didn’t understand why I was being assaulted on a daily basis. Then a little birdy through the grape vine told me that he had told pretty much all of our mutual friends that I was cheating on him, I was doing black magic, and I was using evil forces to curse his money making abilities to keep him together with me. None of this is true. I literally could not believe what I was hearing, after all I did to help him get on his feet so he could leave my house. I ended up pressing charges for defamation of character, and getting a restraining order, then I was forced to drop the charges because he left town and the police couldn’t find him to deliver the lawsuit papers, but untimely filing the lawsuit helped to stop the threats, harassment and bullying I was receiving because the truth was finally out on the table, and people started to realize that I was the victim, not the other way around. Had I never went to court and got the police involved I could have been injured or possibly killed because of all the horrible rumors he was spreading about me. But the truth came out and everyone stopped messing with me.
So long story short I would NOT recommend saving someone’s reputation at the expense of your own just due to personal experience.
Attached is a link to a website with a hotline for abuse if anyone seeing this needs help getting out of an abusive relationship. I’m a survivor, not a victim, so I want my story to be a cautionary tell that helps someone
If it is something menial then doing that is the magnanimous way out of the mess. But on the other hand, it could get problematic to you. I’ll give you an example. I know a man and a woman. I’ll keep it anonymous. They had something of a playful romance going on between them. One day things took a turn when the woman accused the man of misbehaving with her. I don’t want to get into the details of what happened but I could tell you the woman twisted what happened between them and exaggerated it. I personally feel that she even lied to some extent. The woman is a manipulative person and she lied many times for many things. On the other hand, the man was the most genuine guy you can ever meet. That’s my impression of both and it was a shock to me. She didn’t let him talk and was threatening his reputation actually. The man just agreed to whatever she said and apologized. He never said a word but I sensed that he was saving her from embarrassment by not telling his story. I spoke to him personally and got to know his side of the story and man I was right. The matter didn’t blow up fortunately so it is fine. But if it had gone big, imagine what he would have to face. Nobody will trust him even if he says his side then. Being a woman, I feel sad to say this but when it comes to defaming a man nobody raises a question. There are many evils against women in the society but how women are using gender to victimize men is ignored by all. Why would you lose your head to save a manipulative liar?