What is the biggest sin: Being too proud to ask a neighbor for food or stealing food?

  1. Uh, let’s go with stealing. For one thing it’s a crime, and if you’re caught, the humiliation there carries way farther than the house on either side. Committing crimes is a sin against yourself, if you have anything like other options.

Don’t know where you live, but I’ve lived from Jersey to California and now Florida, and every place I’ve lived there are plenty of community outlets you can sign up for to get a food supply on the sly. The food is not exciting; it’s typically groceries. Maybe hey, it’s not enough, I know – we’re not talking the three prepared squares a day you can get in jail! But it’s food. It helps scrape by.

Maybe other countries don’t have this? Or maybe in specific tucked-away parts of this country, they don’t have this? I’ve found it hugely prevalent, everywhere I’ve traipsed – but it does seem heavily local and volunteer in basis, for the most part. Not a virtue of the government, but one that flows from the people where they live, to the people where they live.

So maybe some places don’t bother? Maybe in places other than I’ve been, this “no choice but to steal or starve” dilemma (“dilemma”) has teeth? Still, as your question points out, there are always the neighbors.

On asking the neighbors: I really think you’re confusing shame with pride. “Being too proud” to ask a neighbor for food?

That feels like a real slap. In a situation like this a person often has not even one last radioactive atom of pride. They’ve been scraped clean. They’re simply too ashamed. Too mortified. Dying on the inside – just from the fact they’re in that plight! Let alone publicizing it. It can be a real paralysis.

I’m not willing to call that pride. If you are, and you want to call it a sin as well, be it on your head. Call it pride if you want, but if you do I’m going to say you don’t know the difference.

There are people who are “too proud,” and the difference is marked. A person “too proud” will bear up under suffering without giving outward sign, and their pride will only harden, set, and increase through perseverance. A person “too proud” would simply die first. They will not lower themselves – unless and except they reach the breaking point, where their strength gives out and pride breaks. Which may not happen ’til near death.

This kind of immutable too-proudness is not typical of Homo sapiens.

Most people in desperate plight who never thought they’d be in that plight, they are not too proud. They are too ashamed. They don’t want to be a burden. They don’t want to bother anyone. They are sick with self-recrimination, self-disgust maybe, at any rate: despair. They don’t want anyone knowing how vulnerable they are. NOT FEELIN’ TOO PROUD, DUDE.

What you fail to understand is, the human organism when it feels desperately vulnerable has often a shrieking aversion to letting others know its desperate vulnerability.

That isn’t “pride.” Its 200,000 years of survival drive panic mode, triumphing often enough over desperate straits to leave us all with a well-wired desperate vulnerability concealment instinct. Perhaps unfortunate for modern times.

How does anybody mistake that for pride? Bad reasoning process, maybe? “Well, all they’d have to do is ask their neighbors. So if they can’t, it’s pride!”

Yeah.

So, you get three squares in jail, I guess. Yet petty theft of food isn’t going to give you much of a stretch. You’ll be right back out in no time, and your neighbors will probably know.

I got it!

If you’re too proud or ashamed or desperate to seek help from the neighbors: first, try friends! A close friend, maybe. Perhaps they’ll let you clean out their canned food stock. They were only going to donate that crap to the Your Town Charity Hall canned food drive anyway!

If that doesn’t work, your fallback option:

Find out if there are any places near you that give food out on the sly, to the needy. You may not be aware these are there. They’re tucked away. They keep a low-profile. They’re sensitive that their customers all have a towering, overweening PRIDE that must be served!!

Point is: these places will never expect a robbery.

Or they wait…maybe you could just ask ’me for some food? They’re set up to handle just such requests. Discreetly.

2.

Stealing the food is the biggest sin. Pride is had in both situations, which is a big sin. The question plays out two alternatives to having pride: one is to go without food due to pride, and the other is to commit a second sin due to the pride. The two sins reveal two areas in life which must be overcome in order to become sinless, while the other has only one area to overcome. Not asking for food does not violate the Golden Rule but theft does, thus the theft is the greater sin in that aspect, too.

Many people say that truth has three versions, mine, yours and the actual truth. How does one find the actual truth?

Dear readers you are welcome.

  • Three versions? How about 7.7+ billion versions? You and I aren’t the only ones in the room.

Truth is a convergence upon or correspondence with reality. And here’s the thing: you can spend your whole life improving your convergence by degrees, but you will never know whether it is exact, or whether something will come along later and give you cause to tighten it another degree. You can hold a thousand truths firmly and well. What if only 200 of them were exact in all respects? You could expect improvements would come on the others, as you fare forward. But which are which? You wouldn’t know. You don’t know until the improvement comes.

Who cares? Certainty’s for morons. Certainty adds no value to truth. It adds only resistance to improvement. You can’t find righter until you find wrong. If you’re impervious to finding wrong (or being found wrong), you will never find righter. So here’s what you do:

You hold truth in your hands: best available grasp and hold. Best you’ve found. Best that’s out there, so far as you know. You meet the world with it outstretched. And you look to others to knock it out of your grasp!

When that happens, you stoop and examine your truth. Pick it up, turn it over. Unscratched? And theirs…dented all to hell? You can see for yourself your truth was best – so long as you haven’t been shellacking it in layers of certainty. Certainty makes “your truth” invulnerable. But only on the outside; inside it’s busted to shards rattling in a hollow shell. Still pretty, but not much use to you. You won’t make that mistake, though, because proving your truth best was not your goal.

It never will be again.

Your goal in this process is to trade up. To find better truth by taking advantage of all the help others will gladly give you. Every time you leave the argument with a better truth than you came with, you win. By “losing” the argument you win. You leave with better than you came in with! That truth is now yours. Take that shiny new-to-you truth home with you, and see how it plugs into everything. Connections light up. You find places to investigate and correct; didn’t seem wrong before, but glaring now.

All the time, between exchanges: examine and reconcile truth. Feel for conflicts, things that stick out. Internal consistency: no truth held conflicts with any other truth held. External consistency: no truth held conflicts with known truth in observable reality. Every time you find conflict, you dial in and drill down to determine which holds, and which needs to be demoted.

Always with best available grasp. Even knowing you can’t be certain, going through the world with best available grasp is the test.

The goal is always to trade up. Always improving your convergence upon reality. Never assuming you can’t find better, just working always from available best. Confidence doesn’t derive from certainty, but from one’s ability to improve upon it.

On a one-to-one level, you’re taking advantage of mass subjectivity. Mass subjectivity occurs when multiple observers describe the same thing. As the number of observers increases, accurate observation piles up, multiplies in powerful convergence upon the truth. Defective observation? Veers off in wild and personal directions, and is averaged out to insignificance.

The point of having the best, truest grasp of reality you can is this: it governs how you interact with reality. It governs how effective your efforts are. Realistic goals and techniques yield better results. Every degree better

It’s actually victim’s version, guilt’s version and the third person version.Let’s see what they mean.

Victim’s version- A person who got lied is the victim. Generally victim’s version comes from what he heard or saw or what he thought and believed the truth is. It may or may not be true we don’t know.

Guilt’s version- person who lies is guilty. He can create a scenario where it is true and make you believe it or maybe he’s just telling the truth we don’t know that either.

Third person version- This is what decides what the truth is. These are facts, proofs, witnesses etc.,

But the problem is third person version can be manipulated, anyone could erase the feed and create a new false one, they could create false proofs or witnesses, there’s no telling which is fake or real if he’s a pro.

So, what I’m saying is there’s no such thing as actual proof. There’s just third person view, which may or may not be the actual truth. You cannot find the actual truth if the person who lied doesn’t want you to.

improves what you get.

Some People say “A little bit of jealousy is good.” Is this true or false?

Dear readers I welcome you.

  1. True for some. Some dig a little of that in the mix. FALSE for others! They hate it! Can’t abide jealousy! Smacks of mistrust, and trust is fundamental!

I’m just not a jealous guy. It’s not in my makeup, apparently. I have felt pangs of jealousy, but always in passing, private moments. A wistful pang that I savored deliciously for its unusual flavor – and it was gone! Never a banquet of jealousy. Always an exotic dish of tapas, quickly consumed then its small plate pushed aside for other more substantial, nutritious dishes. Make way! Yet I have discussed the virtues and heartaches of jealousy with various partners. First, what’s jealousy?

  • Jealousy is a threatened or threatening sense of possession invested in one’s romantic/sexual partner.

Here’s the thing: some people will tell you possession itself is wrong. I say buzz off. Go audit your own relationship! The self can be given, or the self is not owned. And if the self can be given, then we can have possession of each other. Not healthy? Hell if it isn’t. It’s just got to come with a bedrock understanding that a human being’s gift of self is continuous, in each moment – not one moment for all time. A human being’s gift of self is something they can stop giving at ANY moment.

If that happens, you still have all that self they gave. They can’t take back those precious moments and times, all of that THEM they foisted or slathered all over you! That’s still yours.

But they no longer are. That’s how it works. Healthy boundaries, there. Tends to reinforce the advantageousness of never taking another’s gift for granted. They can stop giving – or the gift can continue so long as we live. We can both keep giving. And if we both say, “I am yours” – who shall gainsay such gift? Such yes, possession?

A relationship’s rules are made entirely between those in relationship. I mean okay, they still have the law to contend with, but it’s not typically a problem. What other people think a relationship needs to be does not come into this relationship. Those in the relationship define it’s aspects, agree to what love (or whatever) needs to be; agree to what it cannot allow.

Some people in a relationship find a little jealousy is good. It’s piquant; it reinforces the desirability of each to the other. I say if it works and doesn’t turn into a crappy foundation of wrecked and unsteady trust, cool beans. You’ve got to be careful, but that goes in all things. Playing with love is playing with fire.

What matters is what the other likes, wants, needs and loves, and finding your mutual intersection of compatibility with what you like, want, need and love. That’s how you define your relationship.

I won’t say jealousy’s all bad, or always bad. I’ve known people who could handle it and not let it get out of hand. It’s just one of many kinks people can and do go in for. Tons of dynamics and relationship aspects can be beautiful and thrilling and healthy done right, yet terrible, undermining, even abusive done wrong. You’ve got to respect each other’s needs and honor each other’s self, and ultimately, it’s got to be a partnership.

What needs to be ruled out is what both agree needs to be ruled out.

If we can’t agree, and if the matter where we disagree is fundamental or crucial to one of us, then we have to recognize we may not have compatibility. I may not be the one for you. You may not be the one for me. It’s not you and it’s not me. It’s us.

Or in that situation, it isn’t. It can’t be us, after all.

Sucks to find out, but it’s arguably better than making the one you love miserable when you know you can’t be their match, because neither can they be yours.

Jealousy, hey. I never minded a little jealousy. I was just never any good at it. I make up for it in other areas. I have other piquant ways of reinforcing the desirability of the other.

2.

Psychological research has linked several traits to greater jealousy: At one time or another, we’ve probably all felt the twinge of the green-eyed monster. Is my girlfriend’s / boyfriend’s banter with his attractive, known-each-other-since-kindergarten best friend more than that of “just friends”? Does my boss think more of the other junior associate than of me? Why did my best friend invite him/her to the movies, but not me?

Jealousy is often used somewhat interchangeably with the word “envy.” Robin Stern says the two are different in that envy is about things or a situation or position (someone else has something you want); whereas jealousy is about people (you perceive someone else’s closeness with a friend or lover to be threatening your relationships with that person). You might be envious of a neighbor’s new car or a colleague’s promotion, whereas you feel jealous if you find out your best friend confided in another friend instead of you.

Jealousy is the emotion we feel when we feel fearful of losing someone or a relationship that is very important to us, Robin Stern, PhD, associate director for the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence:-

  • Low self-esteem
  • Neuroticism: a general tendency to be moody, anxious, and emotionally unstable.
  • Feelings of insecurity and possessiveness.
  • Dependence on your partner: Even asking people to imagine that they don’t have good alternative partners’ leads to more negative reactions to hypothetical jealousy-inducing scenarios.
  • Feelings of inadequacy in your relationship: Generally fearing that you’re not good enough for your partner.
  • An anxious attachment style: A chronic orientation toward romantic relationships that involves fear that your partner will leave you or won’t love you enough., Research has shown that temporarily causing people to feel more securely attached, by asking them to think about receiving support from a loved one, makes them react less severely to a hypothetical jealousy-inducing situation.

All of these factors that relate to jealousy are really about the insecurities of the jealous people, not about the love they have for their partner.

On the positive side: if not taken to the extreme, it is possible for jealously to ‘rev your motor’ to do better and achieve more than you would without it. In this example; “A little bit of jealousy” DOES “do you good.”