- Approach yourself with more respect first!
- The biggest thing I see in people, day in and day out, is that they do not value their own time, but then expect the world to value their time.
People will approach you with more respect once you did the the inner work first.
When you have a busy schedule and are working on things that are very important to you, then everyone who approaches you with something less than their full respect and with something unimportant is immediately going to get shut down!
But as soon as they get it, as soon as you consitently show them that you have better things to do, people will do one of two things:
1. They will leave you alone. They blame you, saying you changed, when in fact you only started taking yourself more seriously and the things you wanted to get confronted with.
2. They will only come to you with respect to your time. The ones that still care about you will make time for you and will improve their attitudes, respect or whatever else you set as boundaries.
Hold your boundaries firm to yourself and treat yourself with more respect than you want to be treated yourself and the people close to you will do the same.
The essence of this is: taking your own time seriously.
The above tip is great for people that already know you, like friends and family, but does not work for random strangers.
Yes, there is going to be a different aura about you based on the way you act, but it is not enough to make everyone instantly show you the respect you desire. For the rest of the world, follow these amazing tips:
POSTURE. The more open your body is the more confidence you portray to the world. This makes it harder for people to look down on you and they will instead look at you with respect!
Things to note here are:
1 Eye contact. Holding as much eye contact as you can, without being creepy, will benefit you greatly. Either look at them for 7 seconds and then let your eyes wander or hold yourself to the 80–20 rule to start out with.
2 Feet outward. Feet that point inward are a sign of submission and defense rather than feet that point outward that show confidence and relaxation.
3 Arms not covering your chest. Do not cross them, hold your arm with the other one or cover your body with a drink in hand. Have your body be as open as you can, arms gently at your sides. Oh! And take your hands out of your pockets for crying out loud!
4 Straight back. Shoulders should be back with your chest out and stomach in. Head not looking too far up or down. For more information here simply look at the military, they know this forwards and backwards.
5 Take up more space. Not too much, but whenever you can make use of the space you have. Sit widely in your chair, even taking over the one chair next to you if it is empty with an outstretched arm. Sit wide, open, but do not be the person that takes up 4 chairs just for all their things.
VOICE. Your voice has to stop coming from your throat as you speak. The more you use your throat the weaker your voice will sound, it will not carry and people will easily be able to talk over you.
Instead make your voice come from the bottom of your stomach, through your chest, and up out your mouth. A simple way to test this is by feeling with your hand. Touch your throat and speak, and then touch your chest. If your throat is vibrating more than your chest, you are not speaking from a deep enough place.
Take a really deep breath and then try to project the next word or sound across the entire room without raising your voice and talking louder. Practice this a couple of times. This is something really easy to learn and once you have the hang of it you will be able to stop and start whenever you want to.
GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING YOU. You should be as open as your posture is and as confident as your voice projects. But the most important thing is that you should love yourself!
If you are comfortable with who you are and do not depend on anyone else to give you any confirmation, they will treat you with awe and respect because they want to be as comfortable with themselves as you are with yourself!
Here are the key points to watch out for:
Being able to take a joke. Do not take yourself so seriously and learn to laugh about yourself. Being respected is also about being able to see your own faults and accepting them. No one is perfect, so stop pretending to be something you are not and get comfortable in your own skin! (My favorite example of this is looking at interviews of actors/actresses in unusual roles, such as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson on his Role in “The Tooth Fairy”).
Being your own best friend. You spend 24 hours a day with yourself, yet for that time, know yourself the least out of any other person. Spend some time learning your own desires, fears, weaknesses and strengths and support yourself like a best friend would rather than beating yourself up over every little mistake like a rival will.
Owning up to your mistakes and dealing with them. There is no use lying or trying to cheat yourself because you can’t. So just own up to the mistakes you make, deal with them and then go do what you want again. It is important that you do not try to lie to yourself because it simply doesn’t work.
(A “comfort challenge” from Tim Ferris’ Book The 4 Hour Workweek that has really helped me is to just go out in a public place, preferably at lunch-time, and lie down on the floor for 10 seconds. Then going back about your business. Do not say why and if someone asks say “Because I wanted to” and leave it at that.)
CLOTHES. On the topic of clothes I have to make a big disclaimer: your clothes will not allow others to approach you with more respect.
This is contrary to what you usually hear, but let me explain it with another famous thing you often hear: The clothes make the man/woman.
Notice here that it says that the clothes make you! There is not talk about anyone else.
All that clothes do is that they allow you to respect yourself more! This was often interpreted as a cause and effect but actually wasn’t the source of the effect. Clothes do not make you more respectable, clothes make you respect yourself more, which makes you more respectable.
Clothes still have their own interpretation, but you cannot force that upon someone. Some people may deem a suit as respectable, others will spit in front of your feet because they think you are an arrogant snob.
You should feel comfortable in your own clothes, and be able to respect yourself in them. If you look in the mirror and think “I would respect that person”, then you are on the right track!
In the end, respect starts with you. Whether or not you are respected by anyone else won’t matter to you in the end as long as you can respect yourself.
The most respected men and women of the world will still be eternally miserable if they cannot even look themselves in the eye. But the man or woman that is least respected will still feel amazing when they can go to bed every night saying “I did something worthy of respect.”
Start with yourself, and respect will come to you!
1 Be the big gorilla- wall around like you’re the CEO of a fortune 500 company. Spread out your body, smile, maintain eye contact with every and walk slowly. Dare to appear big because a gorilla that appears small will be ignored.
2 Modulate your tone- don’t just talk in a monotone. Constantly be changing your voice tone to captivate people. Watch the speeches of popular speakers for more ideas.
3 Dress to kill- I really mean it. If you want people’s respect you have to earn it and the first thing people sum up when they meet you is how you dress and carry yourself. So, start paying more attention to how you look.
4 Throw your fucks away – a lot of people are out there living to please others. Dare to be an outlier. Dare to be someone who doesn’t do anything to please anyone. The things is that people will speak shit about you anyway. So, do only the things that pleases you, follow your passion, choose your friends and hobbies. Don’t let anyone decide the course of your life for you. But, be gentle in the way you reject others.
5 Listen more- start paying more attention to people in your conversations and they’ll start to respect you more. Stop being so distracted and absent minded, shut off every other activity you’re doing and listen.
Read charisma myth by Olivia Fox cabane
6 Have a reputation- let people attribute your name to something; it may be that you’re super intelligent or a gifted artist or a skilled tracker or whatever. Just start working on building that skill that’ll give you a badass reputation.
7 Respect yourself- don’t do stupid things such as running after people and playing dumb jokes to please others. The truth is that you have to respect yourself enough to be the authentic you before anyone else can respect you.
8 Communicate your boundaries- stop assuming people will just know your do’s and don’t. Communicate them to the people around you and let everyone know you’re a person of high standards and you want to keep it that way.
9 Respect others- walking powerfully and throwing away your fucks doesn’t give you an excuse to be an asshole. You also have to respect others and their boundaries if you want them to return the respect. You have to be that calm self trusting person, not the rude guy to be respected. Respect is reciprocal as they truly say!