There are two categories of living in this universe: the pro-life one which the universe selected and supports and the anti-life way which much of society sells (using falsehoods and downright Lies).
Accepting Life as it is allows you to move on in a Love or pro-life way, but escapism has you in the anti-life mode and this generous universe will send you ever-more anti-life ‘things’ until you self-destruct.
If you choose the pro-life ways, like Love, than you get so much more back that you may have to give your gifts away or be overwhelmed by their excess.
Choose; but don’t whine if you choose to self-destruct! No Great cheese to go with it though!
Like an addiction to a drug that worsens with time, Yes, apparent acceptance seems “better”.
In a metaphorical way, we become accepted by the drug that gradually addicts us….and acceptance becomes dominance over us….expecting us to disappear and only submission remains.
And of course, escapism is used in your question as a pejorative while it is “alone time”* is essential for self-awareness and inner peace.
even escaping from the narcissists who need and even demand our allegiance
So the tug of war is becoming aware of who we are within ourselves is fighting with the outer demands to be submissive to a culture (and only be seen as acceptable by submitting).
Nietzsche was correct in writing about dominant animal herders seeking out submissiveanimals to herd.
That is the inevitable eventual path when groups of people signal, that they are seeking acceptance outside, and not inside, themselves.
IMO, only when we inwardly embrace goodness* will be free ourselves to no longer seek acceptance “out there somewhere” because we will have found that acceptance within us….becoming human.
And goodness is not “out there somewhere”….the herders and the herded are “out there
Intention and attention is key to shifting your current perspective.
You bring up a topic that silently torments many people. There is a deep desire (from your true innocent nature) to connect, love and care for others, yet the past prohibits any act with potential to create feelings of weakness and vulnerability.
In short, fear is obstructing love.
It is perfectly natural to feel this way. Your brain’s primary function is to protect you from harm, not to secure yours or others’ happiness. Your human experience so far has created a reason for your brain to compel you to behave and become the way you are… It’s a form of conditioning rooted in an instinctive impulse to protect you.
However, thankfully you still have self-awareness and higher thinking that enable you to make choices which override conditioned responses; including apathy and selfishness. You can choose to think and behave differently.
If you believe it possible, you can learn to forgive yourself and others.
Ultimately, it is about how much you truly value preserving your inner peace.
Your outlook on life cannot become positive if your internal thinking is negative. It starts with loving yourself enough to want to feel better about yourself and others. A strong intention towards inner peace is necessary.
You see, inner love leads to inner peace, which you can then easily turn into an expression of a positive outlook towards humanity.
The goal is to grow so strong on the inside that nothing from the past, or on the outside, holds power to disrupt your inner peace without your conscious permission.
I am in no way suggesting that you deny the past. I am certainly pointing you to accept it as a fact of life that you cannot do anything about. You don’t have to control your thoughts, you just have to stop letting them control you.
I am also encouraging you to introspect and self examine how your negative thoughts are serving you today.
Moving forward is really far more about you than what happened to you.
There is no reason for anyone one of us to continue to perpetuate darkness when we as humans hold power, and the intelligence to change our thinking and spread light instead. We all can at least try to turn the darkness of our experiences into light for ourselves and others.
It all depends on what we choose to focus on.
Society teaches you to just barely survive in the many weak states of Fear; the universe has evolved to have you become a Love-focused human who learns to Love yourself, unconditionally; then Love others the same way.
So, do the following:
Step out of the Fear mode; Turn around towards a Love focused attitude; Start your journey to become such a Great example of living Love that others choose to be just like you; and, Keep on Keeping on! About half a billion humans are trying to live Love-focused lives and, in this very non-linear universe where Fear is very weak and Love is very powerful/strong, that sub- group is already more powerful than the sum of all other humans combined.
As long as you stay in the weak states of Fear, your way is downhill all the way. So, step out, turn around and start, then continue, your journey towards becoming Love-focused.
Or live in Fear and become even-more pathetic; that is easier in the short-term!
You seem to suggest that people are like animals and cannot change their nature of being selfish and apathetic.
But, it is not so. But, the change can be effected only by the individual concerned. And that has to come from within and not imposed upon.
How is that possible?
It is when the person suffers deeply because of the selfish and apathy that they decide to turn over a new leaf from then on.
To my own personal understanding. I have few explanations:
The answer is yes. But people are not perfect in everything, according to our own measure.
However, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder then society has made it that ‘If you don’t like and believe in what I like and believe in, then you are not a good person”
This has been growing in society for the last few decades. ITs basically intolerance, intolerance of some one else’s point of view and the intolerance to hear it.
Intolerance of differences of opinion. We know that some great people of the past were not ‘snow white’ but they were still great people in some other capacity but not ALL capacities.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way (and I blame popularism and films and tv and the media including news transmission), anyone that is pulled up for one thing is immediately scapegoated and made to look evil and the worst of characters. The media, need to sell copy, so to do so they have to sensationalise and since the general population likes nothing better than to have someone to collectively hate and moan about, this is what the medial does.
There is no balanced view or benefit of the doubt, no margin of error or exceptional circumstances, the person is wrong, evil and black to the heart – no matter what.
Society has taken this and pushed it to its limit by making it that anyone that does agree with me is wrong and wrong in everything, they should not even be allowed to be heard. This is very dangerous to society. This intolerance.
Once this intolerance gets to the top then we end up with curbs on the freedom of speech and limits on what is allowed to be said.
An example. The wonderful old man, major Tom got lambasted in social media(Im not sure what was said but for the purposes of this example I’m assuming that it was just the usual thing like ‘Well he was a murderer in the war and they are glad he is dead’ rather than something that DOES go to far and says that ‘He should be dead.’) but that post about the sweet old man has upset people. Now I’m sure you agree that people that post nasty horrible comments should be stopped and banned, pulled up in court etc.
I was one of those initially decrying the bad mouthing of Major Tom, but then I though about it to the next level. YES its horrible and nasty and should probably be taken down but to be brought up on charges? That is encroaching on freedom of speech.
Why? because if you turn it around and make the government have the part of Major Tom then it suddenly becomes sinister. It means that you have just lost the right to criticize the government! Its not a huge step.
The things that people don’t like are silenced and the intolerance grows and the government helps by strengthening the laws, till they go one step too far and like Twitter they get to silence anyone for anything they don’t like, anything that dos ot agree with their view on anything, even legitimate criticism.
Far better to have the freedom and for right minded people to DROWN out the pathetic morons that troll. Doing it this way keeps our rights to criticize and also allows public opinion to keep others in check by overwhelming responses. And we learn why are the trolls out in the open where the right minded can laugh at them.
If we weren’t allowed the freedom of speech then we would have such laws as ‘disturbing the tranquillity’ or other laws that allow those in power to take away our right to express ourselves while saying its for our own good.
So yes, we can be ok without agreeing with everything but its the listener that makes the choice. Hopefully you have a listener that knows how to balance their opinion of you rather than a censorship junky.
Can’t we be good people without supporting things we don’t believe in, in our society today?
Yes of course. Supporting something that one doesn’t believe in makes one a hypocrite and that’s therefore definitely not something good and honest people ever do.
I don’t think people should “hook up” but society says it’s ok. I don’t think we should over sexualize people, yet it’s everywhere you look. I don’t think you should lie, but watch the news, politics or social media and it’s full of 1/2 truths and outright lies.
I want to believe that people are good. It’s a natural instinct. But society pushes too much immorality and passes it off as ok. Greed, power, sexual perversion, using people, exploiting people and insulting people are everyday examples if what we consider entertainment. It’s the news, the movies, advertising, social media, etc.
Baby mamas. Baby daddies. Good grief. You have brought a life into this world. You are a mother. You are a father. Grow up.
It amazes me what is socially acceptable today. Nobody bats an eye and I’m over hear like “Really???” SMH
So don’t support what society is cramming down our throats as normal & you will absolutely be a good person.
It’s been said “Perfect is the enemy of the good”. If you are looking for the “perfect’ you are never going to find it. Look for the “good” and support that.
Think of it this way, must someone agree with you 100% ( the perfect) to be your friend? The problem with society is that it is a self-regulating entity. When someone tries to go against the grain or thinks differently, someone else is going to call you out on that and try to reel you back in. Some people can’t handle it including family. Through media, papers, professionals, friends and family society wants conformity. That is why things rarely change. It is up to each individual to change but the buck is always passed to someone else. The politicians will say:
Give us more of your freedoms and we will change things for the better. You have to sacrifice one thing for another.
They don’t want change. They want people to live in ignorance, poverty and easily manipulated. No one disaster is ever wasted. It is an opportunity to implement change but not for the better.
I am not implying to think less of society but to think for oneself and examine things as they are. Not as they appear to be.
Most people go with the flow and wear a mask of some form not to be hassled by the world. Today’s society standards by the way are very low and superficial. That ought not be a measure of standard but measure of decay and decline.
Others want to be social warriors. They want to change everything else except themselves
Everything in this universe was given a form of Free Will; but those who choose a Fear-based mode of competition want us to remain so Fear-based that we are easy to control.
You will have to ignore a lot of nonsense which is presented to you; but our Destiny is to Become Love Personified, not to tremble in the many, weak states of Fear!
You don’t have to believe Fear-based nonsense and do have a Destiny to Become Love.
Choose to be a foolish follower or to become Love-focused instead!
Many humans are choosing to be fools and to follow Fear. You don’t have to choose to be a Fool!
If we live without ‘empathy’ we can expect a life where little empathy comes our way. However, being human, we all make mistakes, or have bad things come our way and to have any Joy in our lives having others show us empathy will often make things better! LoL!
Of course, if you believe that you are already perfect, you would think that you will need help and comfort; after all you are already perfect.
I have yet to meet such a perfect human. If you know of one, please tell me who that is (complete with contact details!
Here we go on:
a. How can someone suffer through life without feeling empathy? as John Bruss says below, many people with narcissism – or its big brother, sociopathic personality – do it sometimes as a seemingly successful lifestyle (“clawing their way to the top”, making lots of money). There are costs to any lifestyle and there are costs to this, but it works for some people with some kinds of backgrounds. A recent U.S. President is presumably a case in point. b. Can someone practically get through life without empathy? Arguably all humans need to at least feign empathy in some situations in order to avoid being eschewed by all social groups. Narcissistic/antisocial people are dangerous and even the most hardened sociopath looks for others who will “protect my back”. On the other end of the spectrum, most humans do feel empathy and cherish it as an important foundation for meaningful life. c. What are the mechanics of being a human being without empathy? Fundamentally we humans are social creatures and depend upon social relationships. So empathy is inherent to one extent or another. However, we are also predators (make weapons, eat meat, etc). This is “in us” just as much as our inclination to social groupings. Arguably, it is childhood experiences that shift the balance one way or another. Where adverse childhood experiences result in the message “you can’t trust or depend upon other humans” then empathy, conscience, and connection fade, and self-interest, deception, and exploitation rise.
How does someone live without hearing, or vision? When you lack a capability, especially when you lack it from birth, you will learn to compensate for it. People that are low in emotional empathy or completely lack it, compensate for it by developing what is called secondary, cognitive or sometimes cerebral empathy:
They do not sense other peoples emotions, but they abstract the emotions other people are experiencing by their behavior and unconscious messages they are sending.
Here we go on:
There are two kind of persons that do empath.
a. Those who love themselves, trust themselves, appreciate themselves so they have the right self value and self esteem and then, only then, can empath with others that need help. b. Those that are anxious to be ‘needed’ by others because they neither love themselves, nor trust themselves, nor appreciate themselves and want other to ‘love’ them because the empath with the others. Fake love and fake empath. But the real question would be: Why you are claiming that people do not empath?
Most probably, you are of the second type and want others to do what you do not do for yourself: love you!
In place of wandering why people do not empath… just begin to love yourself, trust yourself, appreciate yourself and then, only then, you would be able to empath with others. Be what you want others to be!
Let us look at the few explanations…How ignorance can be fix, but not stupidity.
Ignorance is a) a lack of knowledge or b) an active rejection of gaining knowledge; only the first version can be corrected.
Stupidity is the inability to learn, so the passive rejection of new knowledge. As long as that state is preserved, they will remain incapable of learning and growing,
In this universe, everything changes; those who refuse to add new knowledge will be bypassed by life.
However, when the pain gets bad enough, some humans may finally agree to ‘learn how to learn’ and there is Hope!
Ignorance by definition is … well let’s make sure we get this right.
-The condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed. -The state of being ignorant; want of knowledge in general, or concerning some particular matter; the condition of not being cognizant, informed, or aware. -The condition of being ignorant; the lack of knowledge in general, or in relation to a particular subject; the state of being uneducated or uninformed. Note the theme there is lacking knowledge. You can fix that by getting rid of the lack of knowledge via education (formal learning) and experience (informal learning).
Slow to learn or understand; obtuse. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes. Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless. Is either an unfortunately dealt hand in life or willful choice.
Let’s focus on the first condition, being born … lets go with disadvantaged. Some humans just aren’t ever going to be ‘smart’. I’ll argue this is a small number of people, let’s say fewer than 10% of us are born with low watt bulbs. However, it is a thing. We shouldn’t attack these people, they are people, but it needs to be understood that some folks are just going to be slow. edit I do wonder if for these folks micro-dosing therapy might improve their condition. Micro-dosing psilocybin appears to improve neural plasticity and grow new neurons. Is it possible we could improve cognition not just for the low end, but across the boarb?
The second group of ‘stupid people’ are a result of their own poor decisions or a significant lack of resources. Inner cities, white ghettos, low castes etc. Among this group are potential geniuses however they lack the ability to gain proper education. Again, these unfortunate shouldn’t be attacked as they’re just unfortunate.
The third group … the willful idiots … should be mocked endlessly. They posses the means and ability to be ‘smart’ but choose to be stupid.
I’ll substitute the word foolish for stupid.
We are all ignorant of so so much, and our lack of wisdom makes us think, talk and behave foolishly, quite often.
We cannot (do not) know the future (not even the past very perfectly) and we cannot predict all the potential outcomes of our own behaviors/actions.
So we are all left with the dilemma of realizing we will always be ignorant and foolish in some (often many) ways.
Therefore we cannot really fix ignorance (we only naively think we can) and we all remain foolish quite often (pretending we are not ignorant is a good example of our foolishness).
Ignorance is an attitude problem that can be be changed with education because the individual is intelligent.
Stupidity is in bred, no intelligence, so is a permanent feature that no attempt at education can change.
Example. You can train a ferret to catch rabbits because it is intelligent.
You can’t train a rabbit to catch ferrets, because it lacks the intelligence to learn the task.
Just take a look at the trump supporters, they are excellent examples of the stupidity side of this equation.
Because in ignorance, you know that you are an idiot but out of pride and delusion you choose to ignore it. This can be easily fixed with some introspection and guidance.
But in stupidity, you don’t even know or realise that you are the idiot, so essentially, in your eyes, there is nothing wrong with you, so ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.
Revenge is a transparent labyrinth.” Even though it’s self-explanatory, I will add some ideas: it’s easy to get lost it’s easy to remain there because there is no exit in sight, and there isn’t even a guarantee that there is an exit it’s hard to properly dimension retribution, as it is hard to actually know the size of a labyrinth at any point in time your path will be determined by ideas/forces that only exist inside you and that form the walls of your confinement while exacting revenge, it’s easy to forget how you got there in the first place, and this leads to a much darker/denser dwelling in the Self, because revenge stops being retribution and it becomes an end in itself since you can’t see the walls and you can’t discern any pattern, then revenge stops being a map and becomes one with the territory, eroding any awareness you had of the need for revenge and installing in you a permanent hunger, even if this remains inconspicuous in the background of your mental life
Revenge is Personal Street Justice.
Justice itself is righting the wrongs… not all wrongs can be righted, sometimes wanting justice is wanting the impossible.
When we bring a murderer “to justice” … there is no righting of wrongs, it doesn’t bring anyone back. What are we really after at this point, why do we want to bring a murderer “to justice”?
Revenge cannot right the wrongs, but it can prevent more wrongs. 2 wrongs doesn’t make a right. But it does prevent the wrong-doer of the first wrong from doing more wrongs when the second wrong is death to the first wrong-doer.
The problem with Revenge is it’s a one sided judgement and easily abused. Yes, there is such a thing as just revenge, but what do you think has been historically more common when someone is out for revenge?
I leave you with a speech that advocates Injust Revenge…
Revenge is like poisoning yourself and expecting the other person to die!
Not everyone does this consciously, but many do such things while living in ignorance of who things really work.
In this generous universe, more comes back to you than what you send out. Doing anti-life things results in your life becoming primarily anti-life; to the point where you cannot survive. And you did it to yourself! Oops!
Maybe not the most brilliant move you could ever do!
Okay, humor aside. Revenge only creates more angry people with more desire for revenge. This is true Christian or not.
The real answer, being a Christian: “…mine sayeth the Lord.”
That is very hard for us as humans when we have been wronged. There are many times in history where people have changed and made right what was wronged by them in the past. Taking revenge often has consequences that make reconciliations impossible or very difficult.
Revenge is….only revenge if they know that it was you that did it.
Revenge is….a dish best served cold”
Revenge is… your next bad decision in a succession of progressively worse cause and effect actions and reactions.
Revenge is… soaring to the heights before the out of control spiral that plummets to the earth.
Revenge is….the only option.
ok this one doesn’t start with Revenge is.
But this is the one I truly believe is correct.
Success will be the best revenge.
Useless and bad for you. If you feel the need to get back to somebody because something they said or did hurt you, the problem is yours.
We are the only ones responsible for that feeling, since nobody can do you harm if you don’t let them.
So wanting revenge is a way to admit that you let other people control you with their actions or words, because they are able to trigger anger and rage inside of you and then you’re letting that emotions take over your thoughts.
Revenge makes you weaker and not in control of your own life.
The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury
The best thing you can do whenever something happens to you that triggers that feeling is acknowledge that nobody or nothing outside of you can hurt you if you don’t want to be hurt.
And when you treat the other person the right way, regardless of what they did or said to you, you are the stronger one, you grow as a person and become a better version of yourself.
And the most important thing is you feel better, you don’t lose your inner peace and the other person is the one that is left with the bad feelings and anger.
So, be the better person, do the right thing.
Wasted energy and time while what you must be trying to do is live for yourself, introspecting “Am I really happy ?”, “Is this really important” , “Isn’t it making me stressed?” . You, my darling, have limited time.
Instead of, wasting time thinking about others, you must have a meaning in life and focus on achieving it.
Cut that person off from your life. Leave what happened in the past. Trying in anger to take revenge from somebody is taking a good portion of your life and peace of your mind.
Please, for God’s sake, if you have finances, family and health; have a goal and positively work towards it.
A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. This means respect to be kind to your fellow mate and buddy. Don’t just make fun of them because they different from you. Each of us in unique in a certain way. We respect people to get respect back and be able to do good in the world. Respect is a strong work for kindness and good. This helps our world to be a better place to live in.
Respect is a basic moral value or need which makes us aware that we are human beings not wild animals.
So we should respect others and should be respected by others to prove our humane identity among all other creatures present on this earth. The awareness about respect must be instilled in every human being from his childhood whether he belongs to a lower social class or an aristocratic section of society. Respecting your parents, teachers and elders is the main step towards teaching the meaning and importance of respect in our life.
Respecting others is a silent way to express our feeling for them. It’s an unspoken way of communication which build unshaken and strong relations between people respecting each other. When a person shows respect for someone, then it means that the person have some value for him. His advices and suggestions are important for him.
Some people, particularly younger generation, thinks that showing respect to someone means that you are degrading yourself. They take respect as a sign of weakness or inferiority which could harm one’s self respect. But it is absolutely wrong concept about the basic trait or emotion which makes us a real human being.
Another way of understanding that respect important is to imagine a world without respect. Think
if nobody have respect for others views and thinking, regarding every aspect of life, and try to impose his own will then what would be the situation.
Certainly we will stop tolerating each other completely and will become absolutely selfish in our thoughts and deeds which is actual moral degradation. We will start slipping towards immoral actions which leave no room for existing human civilization. In short if respect is taken out of human values then there is almost no difference between a human being and a beast left, other than physical appearances.
So respect others and make them to respect you through you respected and polished manners. Don’t forget to distinguish between respect and flattering as respect makes you a human being of higher moral value while flattering makes you a degraded person with no self respect at all.
Respect surely can improve a positive outcome from any interaction and that is proven. While every other person doesn’t expect to be respected…but with respect clearly we can reduce the distraction/confusion in minds of people to respond to us back or no positively.
Why we should show respect –
A. At a group level : We have developed diverse cultures / traditions / habits across the world and communities. Those are like standard templates. With respect we get an opportunity to bolster relationship across different standards – as what is needed when two different cultures come together is – Tolerance to each others perceived mistakes. And with respect we can increase that tolerance
B. At an individual level : Every human being has something called Ego. A collective feeling that I am this and I am proud of my this etc., the primary /formal protocol to handle this Ego is with Respect. Sure in course of time opinions differ, and people may hate each other for expressions and actions..but the primary expression that make a first reasonable expression would be of respect
C. At a spirit level : Clearly ancients highlighted how important every “life” and even “non-living” is….and unless we give respect we don’t have a right to take respect ! It is a bi-directional flow of cosmic energy….which may be they are symbolically hinting us….to focus on.
The biggest thing I see in people, day in and day out, is that they do not value their own time, but then expect the world to value their time.
People will approach you with more respect once you did the the inner work first.
When you have a busy schedule and are working on things that are very important to you, then everyone who approaches you with something less than their full respect and with something unimportant is immediately going to get shut down!
But as soon as they get it, as soon as you consitently show them that you have better things to do, people will do one of two things:
1. They will leave you alone. They blame you, saying you changed, when in fact you only started taking yourself more seriously and the things you wanted to get confronted with. 2. They will only come to you with respect to your time. The ones that still care about you will make time for you and will improve their attitudes, respect or whatever else you set as boundaries. Hold your boundaries firm to yourself and treat yourself with more respect than you want to be treated yourself and the people close to you will do the same.
The essence of this is: taking your own time seriously.
The above tip is great for people that already know you, like friends and family, but does not work for random strangers.
Yes, there is going to be a different aura about you based on the way you act, but it is not enough to make everyone instantly show you the respect you desire. For the rest of the world, follow these amazing tips:
POSTURE. The more open your body is the more confidence you portray to the world. This makes it harder for people to look down on you and they will instead look at you with respect! Things to note here are:
1 Eye contact. Holding as much eye contact as you can, without being creepy, will benefit you greatly. Either look at them for 7 seconds and then let your eyes wander or hold yourself to the 80–20 rule to start out with. 2 Feet outward. Feet that point inward are a sign of submission and defense rather than feet that point outward that show confidence and relaxation. 3 Arms not covering your chest. Do not cross them, hold your arm with the other one or cover your body with a drink in hand. Have your body be as open as you can, arms gently at your sides. Oh! And take your hands out of your pockets for crying out loud! 4 Straight back. Shoulders should be back with your chest out and stomach in. Head not looking too far up or down. For more information here simply look at the military, they know this forwards and backwards. 5 Take up more space. Not too much, but whenever you can make use of the space you have. Sit widely in your chair, even taking over the one chair next to you if it is empty with an outstretched arm. Sit wide, open, but do not be the person that takes up 4 chairs just for all their things.
VOICE. Your voice has to stop coming from your throat as you speak. The more you use your throat the weaker your voice will sound, it will not carry and people will easily be able to talk over you.
Instead make your voice come from the bottom of your stomach, through your chest, and up out your mouth. A simple way to test this is by feeling with your hand. Touch your throat and speak, and then touch your chest. If your throat is vibrating more than your chest, you are not speaking from a deep enough place.
Take a really deep breath and then try to project the next word or sound across the entire room without raising your voice and talking louder. Practice this a couple of times. This is something really easy to learn and once you have the hang of it you will be able to stop and start whenever you want to.
GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING YOU. You should be as open as your posture is and as confident as your voice projects. But the most important thing is that you should love yourself!
If you are comfortable with who you are and do not depend on anyone else to give you any confirmation, they will treat you with awe and respect because they want to be as comfortable with themselves as you are with yourself!
Here are the key points to watch out for:
Being able to take a joke. Do not take yourself so seriously and learn to laugh about yourself. Being respected is also about being able to see your own faults and accepting them. No one is perfect, so stop pretending to be something you are not and get comfortable in your own skin! (My favorite example of this is looking at interviews of actors/actresses in unusual roles, such as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson on his Role in “The Tooth Fairy”). Being your own best friend. You spend 24 hours a day with yourself, yet for that time, know yourself the least out of any other person. Spend some time learning your own desires, fears, weaknesses and strengths and support yourself like a best friend would rather than beating yourself up over every little mistake like a rival will. Owning up to your mistakes and dealing with them. There is no use lying or trying to cheat yourself because you can’t. So just own up to the mistakes you make, deal with them and then go do what you want again. It is important that you do not try to lie to yourself because it simply doesn’t work. (A “comfort challenge” from Tim Ferris’ Book The 4 Hour Workweek that has really helped me is to just go out in a public place, preferably at lunch-time, and lie down on the floor for 10 seconds. Then going back about your business. Do not say why and if someone asks say “Because I wanted to” and leave it at that.)
CLOTHES. On the topic of clothes I have to make a big disclaimer: your clothes will not allow others to approach you with more respect.
This is contrary to what you usually hear, but let me explain it with another famous thing you often hear: The clothes make the man/woman.
Notice here that it says that the clothes make you! There is not talk about anyone else.
All that clothes do is that they allow you to respect yourself more! This was often interpreted as a cause and effect but actually wasn’t the source of the effect. Clothes do not make you more respectable, clothes make you respect yourself more, which makes you more respectable.
Clothes still have their own interpretation, but you cannot force that upon someone. Some people may deem a suit as respectable, others will spit in front of your feet because they think you are an arrogant snob.
You should feel comfortable in your own clothes, and be able to respect yourself in them. If you look in the mirror and think “I would respect that person”, then you are on the right track!
In the end, respect starts with you. Whether or not you are respected by anyone else won’t matter to you in the end as long as you can respect yourself.
The most respected men and women of the world will still be eternally miserable if they cannot even look themselves in the eye. But the man or woman that is least respected will still feel amazing when they can go to bed every night saying “I did something worthy of respect.”
Start with yourself, and respect will come to you!
1 Be the big gorilla- wall around like you’re the CEO of a fortune 500 company. Spread out your body, smile, maintain eye contact with every and walk slowly. Dare to appear big because a gorilla that appears small will be ignored. 2 Modulate your tone- don’t just talk in a monotone. Constantly be changing your voice tone to captivate people. Watch the speeches of popular speakers for more ideas. 3 Dress to kill- I really mean it. If you want people’s respect you have to earn it and the first thing people sum up when they meet you is how you dress and carry yourself. So, start paying more attention to how you look. 4 Throw your fucks away – a lot of people are out there living to please others. Dare to be an outlier. Dare to be someone who doesn’t do anything to please anyone. The things is that people will speak shit about you anyway. So, do only the things that pleases you, follow your passion, choose your friends and hobbies. Don’t let anyone decide the course of your life for you. But, be gentle in the way you reject others. 5 Listen more- start paying more attention to people in your conversations and they’ll start to respect you more. Stop being so distracted and absent minded, shut off every other activity you’re doing and listen. Read charisma myth by Olivia Fox cabane 6 Have a reputation- let people attribute your name to something; it may be that you’re super intelligent or a gifted artist or a skilled tracker or whatever. Just start working on building that skill that’ll give you a badass reputation. 7 Respect yourself- don’t do stupid things such as running after people and playing dumb jokes to please others. The truth is that you have to respect yourself enough to be the authentic you before anyone else can respect you. 8 Communicate your boundaries- stop assuming people will just know your do’s and don’t. Communicate them to the people around you and let everyone know you’re a person of high standards and you want to keep it that way. 9 Respect others- walking powerfully and throwing away your fucks doesn’t give you an excuse to be an asshole. You also have to respect others and their boundaries if you want them to return the respect. You have to be that calm self trusting person, not the rude guy to be respected. Respect is reciprocal as they truly say!
Laziness and procrastination can be a serious impediment to your success. Being lazy means you lack the motivation to take action. Procrastination is similar and means that you put off certain actions or activities until a later time.
If you’re not living the life you want right now, it’s tied to your lack of action. Action is the key to making progress and reaching that next level of success. No one has become successful in life by sitting on the couch dreaming about a better life.
You can create your dream life by following the best course of action. As Tony Robbins says, “you can run your fastest going East looking for a sunset but you’ll never find it.” If you don’t take strategic actions, you won’t get better results.
Here are five ways to DESTROY laziness:
1)Improve Physical Energy
One of the best choices I’ve ever made was deciding to work on becoming the best version of myself physically. I used to weigh almost 240 pounds about six years ago. I was overweight with low self-confidence, energy and very lazy.
I would always crave junk food, soda and sweets. My body ached a lot especially my knees and back. I didn’t drink nearly enough water to keep me hydrated, didn’t care about sleep and I didn’t have an exercise routine. I’m much healthier now.
To increase your physical energy, exercise is a must-do. There’s been tons of research that show how exercise directly boosts your energy, mood, longevity, and focus. Exercising has been an absolute game-changer for me. It’s what helped me lose almost 80 pounds and got me fit.
I have more energy to get things done, improved focus, more confidence about the way I look and feel stronger than ever. Start by spending at least 10–15 minutes doing jumping jacks, walking, jogging, riding a bike or doing pushups at least 3–5 times a week for the best results. The more consistent, the faster the results.
Even if you can only do one pushup, you must start somewhere. One push up a day for a week and the second week two and so on. It can even be taking your dog for a 10-minute walk so you both can get in shape. Add time each week. Progress and consistency are everything.
2)Improve Mental Energy
The best part about exercise is that it improves three important aspects of life which include: emotional, physical and mental wellness. In this section, we’ll be talking about mental wellness. Great mental energy is needed for self-improvement.
Some emotional signs of low mental energy include anxiety, depression, irritability, anger, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating and focusing. Physical signs include having fatigue, headaches, body aches, upset stomach and sleepiness.
When your brain and mind are not in a peak state, all other areas of your well-being take a hit including physically, financially, professionally and emotionally. When you lack mental energy, it’s much harder to control your emotions which can interfere with your day to day decision making.
A few tips to improve your mental energy are getting 7–8 hours of sleep, regularly exercising, eating healthy, mindfulness activities, and managing your stress in a positive way. The more energy you have, the more things you can get done. Having an abundance of energy is crucial to your success in life.
3)Inspiring Goals & Dreams
One of the best ways to kill your laziness is to have goals and dreams that inspire you to take action. We all have different areas of our life that need attention or things that we can to have. Physical health, mental/emotional health, relationships, finances, career and spirituality are the main ones in my life.
Ask yourself these questions and answer in your mind yes or no:
Do you struggle to pay the bills each month? Do you buy the least expensive meals when you eat out? Do you not have enough money to buy & do the things you want? Do you feel as if you don’t have the energy to work on your goals? Do you want to feel confident about how your body looks? Do you want stronger relationships with your partner, family & friends? Do you feel stuck, unhappy and bored with the work that you do? Do you always feel stressed and as if your emotions get the best of you? Do you feel as if you never have time to get everything you need to be done? If you’ve answered “Yes” to any of these questions, then there is definitely room for growth and improvement. The best part about life is that we always have the choice to improve ourselves. If we choose not to improve, then we will stay where we are with what we have. The real question is how bad do you want success?
4)Find Your “Why”
This is something you hear often in the self-help space…what’s your “why”? I’m sure you’ve wondered just like I have, what exactly does that mean? Simply put your “why” are the reasons that motivate you to take action on your goals & dreams.
For example, let’s say you want to improve your physical well-being. By finding powerful reasons or “the benefits” of improving your health, it can inspire you to take action. What you want to do is list all the reasons “why” your health is important to you.
I’ll give you a list of reasons that motivates me to keep my health a priority:
I want to live as long as possible with the people I love & care about. I love feeling confident about my physique and the way I look naked lol. I want to have an abundance of energy to do all the things I want in life. I want to prevent age-related diseases like Dementia and Alzheimers. I want to be able to take care of myself without assistance when I’m older. I want to feel happy, strong, confident and energized at all times. The more clear, detailed and specific your reasons…the stronger your “why’s.” Another great exercise to do is to write down what will happen if you don’t reach your goals. This exercise can put into perspective the consequences of laziness and not taking action on your goals.
I’ll use health to keep the example the same. Write down the question and then answer it for yourself, what will happen if I don’t achieve my goals & dreams? Here are some examples of what that can look like:
I’ll need assistance when I’m older to do basic things like dressing or using the bathroom. I may die at an early age from disease and leave my loved ones behind. I have a much higher chance of developing age-related diseases I won’t have the energy to do things I dream of doing & accomplishing. I’ll feel regret at the end of my life for never pursuing my desires in life. I won’t feel proud and confident about the way I look. Your answers can be the exact opposite of how your life will turn out if you DO take action on your goals and dreams. The purpose of this exercise to gain perspective about how your life may turn out if you never take action towards a happier life.
Any time you want to be lazy, just take a look at your list of what can happen if don’t achieve your goals to remind yourself of the consequences. Then, look at your list of reasons “why” to get motivated to take action.
The final step to beating your laziness is taking action. Take out your journal or piece of paper. Writing stuff down on paper is proven to help you remember things better, keeps you organized & it’s a great way to feel your ideas coming to life.
Think of an area of your life that you’re struggling in the most, that you want to have more success in or something you’ve always wanted. Remember, this can be physical, mental/emotional, financial, work, relationships, spiritual, or something you want materialistically (nicer car, home, clothes, etc.)
I’m going to give you a 4-step process to achieve your goals & dreams:
When you decide what area you want to improve in, envision what success in that area of your life looks like. (Close your eyes & imagine) Write down in detail what success looks like for you in that area of life. What do you see happening, what do you hear people saying, what do you smell, and what does it feel like knowing that you hit your goal. (The stronger you feel yourself succeeding, the better.) Write down 2–3 activities, habits or behaviors that can help you reach your goal. If you’re not sure do some research but find at least 2 action-steps. Keep doing research to see what works and what doesn’t. Stay consistent and improve your action plan as needed. Making adjustments is a part of success. Sometimes things won’t work as you planned but NEVER give up. Change your approach and try again. Start TODAY. If you don’t have anything planned for the next 10–15 minutes then start right now. Put one of those activities into action. If you don’t have “time” right now, then plan it for later. But it MUST be done today. Stop letting procrastination & laziness get the best of you. Do your best to schedule your goal-driven activities around the same time each day for a certain period of time. Block out that time and put all your focus into that activity. Dedicate at least 10–60 minutes or longer if needed. Put your phone away and eliminate distractions. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you every day that it’s time to work on your goals. If you use a planner or calendar, then put it on the schedule. Things that get scheduled get done. Do this for at least 21 days to make it a habit. If you miss a day, get back on track. Conclusion
I believe laziness comes from a lack of motivation, fear of failure and not knowing exactly what you want from life. You don’t want to get to the end of your life and feel regret for never going after your goals and dreams.
Anytime you think to yourself “I don’t have time for that”, I want you to say “It’s not my priority” and see how that feels. We are always in control of our time and choices even if you don’t believe it. You can choose how to spend your time.
Life is happening right now and the clock is ticking…GO TAKE ACTION!
What are you waiting for? GO! GO! GO!
before I help you understanding the phenomenon of laziness, let me tell you something that is simple yet the most powerful advice in this matter. If you keep giving yourself an option of staying lazy and lethargic, no matter what you do, it will not leave you, it will keep coming back again and again. So best strategy that always works is to eliminate the option of being lazy from your mind and implement it with utmost strictness.
Now, let me help you understand this phenomenon of laziness at 3 different levels:
At physical level – core reason for feeling lethargic is improper blood circulation and improper digestion. When your food is not getting digested properly, you do not get vital elements into your system to keep you full of vitality and energy. Poor circulation leads to low supply of blood into brain which again leads to poor attention and ability to act. At mind level – at this level influence is even stronger. Typically people who have accepted to be okay with lower standards of personal performance, have an attitude of indifference to situation around them and have weak will power tend to struggle with lethargy. You need to consciously think about your priorities in life and then assess whether your action and your way of life is aligned to your priorities. If it’s not then your priorities need to change. Till that happens, you will not be able to muster enough strength to battle your lethargy because it’s a strong force like gravity that keep pulling us down if we don’t fight it back. At spiritual existence level – this is most significant and fundamental mechanics. People who are running low on life energy will have deep issues of lethargy and inaction. Life energy is the subtle cosmic energy that powers our existence, our biological cells and is essence of being alive. Lower the life energy, lesser alive you are. Stronger the life energy, fuller the life is with vitality, joy and enthusiasm. If you are serious about fighting back with laziness, here is the list of most effective techniques that you can experiment for next 6 months and see results for yourself:
Avoid taking bath with hot water, use room temperature water or cold water Do 10 full rounds of Suryanamaskar everyday morning Don’t sleep late (after 11 PM). Ensure at least 7 hours of good sleep every day Don’t eat anything after 8 PM. Dinner must be light and must finish off before 8 PM. Stop eating all junk food completely (especially Pizza, pasta, burgers, chips, cheese, packaged food, packaged drink) Drink a glassful of warm water first thing in the morning as soon as you get up Don’t drink cold water or cold beverages. Don’t drink water or anything during or right after having your food Before you go to sleep, wash your feet thoroughly everyday. Stay sensible with meals – do not overeat, do not skip meals, do not keep nibbling at frequent intervals. Stop sugar completely (white, brown, sugarless or any form of sugar). Instead, use Jaggery or honey. All the best.
I wouldn’t really characterize depression as having discrete levels.
It’s more like a continuum that shades from light to gray to dark. Actually it’s more like shading from charcoal to dark.
The disease is different for everyone, which makes it difficult to explain. I can relate my experiences and someone else could completely contradict my story — and still have depression. Without treatment it tends to get worse a lot more than it tends to get better. I know that much for sure.
If the normal person’s experience is to have an average happiness level of zero (meaning they’re neither unusually happy or unhappy), their emotions will naturally fluctuate throughout the day. So you can say that “normal” is zero, plus-or-minus 2. For the sake of argument, that’s a healthy range of emotions.
A depressed person might instead experience an average happiness level of negative two (plus-or-minus 2). So on a good day, they feel more-or-less “normal” but their average days are a “normal” person’s bad days and their bad days are a nightmare.
Or, a depressed person might instead experiencing an average happiness level of -.5 with moods that either add +2 or subtract -5. A really good day is still good (+1.5) but a bad day is super horrific (-5.5).
It’s hard to shoehorn such different models into one system of categorization.
Mild mood disturbance (this is the blues that everyone gets on occasion)
Borderline clinical depression (this can cover a particularly nasty situational depression, like you lost your job, it is the middle of the Great Recession, so there are no jobs on the horizon and you are about to be homeless. You probably don’t need meds, but you do need some counseling.)
Moderate depression (this just isn’t going away, you are still functional, but it is really hard. There can be no particular reason for this depression, it can just feel like there is a heavy blanket smothering the life out of you and you don’t have the energy to fight it off.)
Severe depression (Functioning is really difficult, you would rather spend the day in bed and make the world go away. The future looks pretty bleak, and you are feeling like you have no friends, there is no one that understands, and they never did. Suicide is possible.)
Extreme depression (This is the level where your therapist is going to be very concerned, and will probably recommend that you go to the hospital. Life is impossible (you aren’t taking care of yourself, no showers, not bothering with clean clothes, not feeding yourself, you aren’t taking your meds anymore, it just doesn’t matter anymore), there is no future, you are a total failure. You can see no way out of this. Suicide is more than a probability.)
There are quite a few and others may call them different things but they are basically all around these few
Mild: you occasionally feel really down and you feel a bit more lazy than usual but you still shower every so often and you bother to do at least some laundry and cleaning
Moderate: you often feel upset and you just want to lay around but you still eat and care to change every few days and you still can get up and walk around some
heavy: you start to feel like you emotions are draining and you would rather lay in bed instead of use the bathroom or eat but you still find a way to eat even if it’s not very much your family may notice a small change in you and may even comment and at this point you hardly even shower or change clothes
severe: you don’t feel emotion you feel that you’ve lost all hope and you don’t have any friends or anyone that cares about you. You are either eating way too much or way too little you don’t do anything all day you shower like once a week and will change you clothes after a few days and you start feeling more distant from everyone
EXTREME: you feel hopeless, emotionless, empty you feel like there is nobody that can care for you you haven’t showered, changed, or done much in weeks and you’ve stopped eating almost completely or you are eating every second, you will lay in your own filth and not use the bathroom all day, you can’t sleep during the night then you sleep all day or you fall asleep near 4:00 am and wake up at 6:00 am you may start to feel that the world is better without you and may start thinking about suicide or you might start self harm you may even try suicide. You feel that you can’t do anything right or that everyone hates you, you feel like you are just a grain of sand in a giant beach or that the world wouldn’t hurt at all if you died.
Several, normal depression, clinical depression, depression associated with another illness or mental disorder, depression which occurs as a result of the side effects caused by other medications which you may be taking.
Of those the first two are caused by loss. Of those two, only one will ass onn it’s own. Clinical depression is serious. It will take psychotherapy and medication. normal depression happens when you don’t pass that test, don’t get that job, lose that girlfriend… friends who talk are the best remedy for that.
EVERY other form needs to be brought to the attention of your personal physician.